Fight or Flight OR a Better Choice

Conflict demands a response, and the most common reaction is to fight. Another is to take flight and run away. Fighting is characterized by hot verbal exchanges, and in a marriage relationship to blame each other for every bad experience since taking the marriage vows. Whatever form fighting embraces, rarely does conflict reach resolution within these conditions.

Taking flight to manage conflict can be observed in several distinct forms. Literally running away to avoid angry confrontations is not uncommon for those who hate fighting. The shy, reserved personality type who feels unsafe and threatened by angry outbursts may immediately withdraw emotionally or physically to avoid conflict.

Perpetual conflict is an indicator of dysfunctional relationships and a sure endangerment to the stability of a marriage or friendship. The Lord Jesus Christ came into the world so we could live life to the fullest, and that doesn’t mean a life full of conflict, but rather one full of peace and contentment. It is absolutely possible to choose these feelings rather than conflict.  

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A thief does not come for any purpose but to steal and kill and destroy; I have come for people to have life and have it till it overflows.

~John 10:10 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

And God’s peace, which is far beyond human understanding, will keep your hearts and minds safe in union with Christ Jesus.

~Philippians 4:7 Good News Bible

Avoid Anger's Message – Ask God

Anger and fear are close companions. Both deliver the same message, “Fight or take flight.” When the message is “fight”, it may mean stand your ground, take offensive action either physically or verbally. An immediate adrenaline rush gives strength, courage and the ability to think faster for defending and protecting oneself.

Anger’s message may be to “take flight” to avoid conflict and harm. Jacob ran away from his brother to escape Esau’s intention to kill him. Jacob was possibly resentful and angry with his mother for talking him into deceiving his brother. He possibly felt resentful of Esau for being his father's favorite.

While anger and fear are inescapable, both can be managed in healthy, productive ways to prevent harm and hurt from developing in relationships. The first step is to admit these feelings exist. Then ask God for wisdom so a safe and healthy resolution can be forthcoming. Ask God for courage to follow his will and plan.