An Open Door to Communication

Lack of constructive communication is the leading cause of conflict in relationships. What this implies is that inappropriate, ineffective, or disjointed communication provokes conflict. A primary level of communication gives instructions, teaches, and directs questions. This level of communication is helpful for all relationships.

Conflict is provoked by incompatibilities resulting in emotional and communication break-down. Efforts to communicate can be postponed until emotions are back to normal or else alienation may follow suit. Effective communication requires understanding issues as well as each person’s growing needs.

Getting to know another person opens the door for communications. Jesus devoted time to talking  to his disciples. He listened intently so he could know them and help them express their thoughts and feelings. This model also helps manage and resolve conflicts. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.”  

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If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

~1 Corinthians 13:1 The Message

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To Communicate, Eliminate Distractions

It's true that all people communicate both verbally and non-verbally, which may be either helpful and appropriate or discouraging and confusing. In the marriage relationship complaints abound of too little communication, and what does exist is restricted to addressing conflicts and other problems.

Distractions prevent important issues from being addressed, leaving a relationship stranded in emotional distance, which then contributes to effective communication becoming nonexistent. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another speaking the truth in a spirit of  love so that you may grow in ways Christ Jesus intended. The best communication takes place when each person is engaged and willing to participate rather than be distracted.

Loving communication is empowered by turning off all distractions, including cell phones. God intends that we communicate in order that love for one another will remain strong and enduring. So remember, “The right word spoken at the right time is like precious gold set in silver.”   

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Wise conversation is way over the head of fools; in a serious discussion they haven’t a clue.

~Proverbs 24:7 The Message

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Please Understand

To be understood is both a desire and a need that exists throughout life. Essential to being understood is the ability to communicate what you think, feel, and need. Listening attentively for understanding indicates others are important. There are several levels of communication, with each contributing to the need to be understood.

The first level involves discussing nonessentials like chatting about the weather, going shopping, or how children are doing, but this level can be an avenue for connecting emotionally and discussing other important issues. People tend to get stuck at this level, preventing deeper underlying issues from being discussed and resolved.

It takes time and emotional energy to relate your thoughts and feelings, but then others can understand who you are and what you need. God knows and understands you better than you know yourself and still loves you with an unfailing love. As you trust the Lord God with your fragile self, trusting others will become possible. 

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A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

~Proverbs 18:2 English Standard Version

Even before I speak, [Lord], you already know what I will say.

~Psalm 139:4 Good News Bible

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Communication: A Bridge to Understanding

By the time an infant is 18 months old, he or she has begun to utter words that indicate they are in fact learning to communicate. Parents and siblings teach and encourage infants and toddlers their language development. By the age of five a child has basically learned to communicate effectively and in so doing gets most of his or her needs met.

Learning to communicate continues for life and becomes the means for happiness and contentment. Good communication builds a bridge for understanding oneself and others. When children see the world as safe and accepting, healthy self-confidence is established, a necessity for effective communication. 

Our expectations and intelligence are crucial for conveying conviction to what is communicated. The Lord God has given us this magnificent system of communicating to magnify our happiness and well-being. Communion with God is amplified as we offer him praise and thanksgiving for wonderful things he provides.  

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May my spoken words and unspoken thoughts be acceptable to even you, O Lord my Rock and Redeemer.  

~Psalm 19:14 The Living Bible

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Communication Essentials

Communication is the key to successful relationships, for it is the baseline of the way a relationship evolves and the degree of happiness that is experienced. Communication involves more than speaking words which must be accepted and interpreted. Successful communication must make sense to both the sender and the receiver.

Human beings communicate in a variety of ways. If I place my hand on the shoulder of the one to whom I'm speaking, that gesture could suggest an array of messages. That gesture and other non-verbal messages affect what is verbally communicated. Our eyes communicate as much as the spoken words. A smile or a frown speaks louder than words.

Adam and Eve were given language so they could understand and accept each other’s need for intimacy and closeness. God knew it would be the key factor in nurturing each other and necessary for resolving conflict. Communication is essential for fellowship with the Lord God our Creator, for he is always interested in what we have to say.  

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Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, nor cut them out.  

~Colossians 4:6 The Message

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Don't "Push the Envelope" of Your Life

The Biblical story of Samson portrays him as fun-loving and driven by passions that revealed a self-absorbed personality. He was possessed by amazing physical strength, and he used it to compliment his passions. He was obsessed with women who were out-of-bounds for him as a man of God.

Although God gave Samson a lifetime profession, he apparently became bored and would go looking for excitement and challenge with people who were enemies. He chose to cohabitate with Delilah, believing he was above God’s social, moral, and spiritual laws.

After pushing the envelope to the limit, it appeared he would die in disgrace as a blind slave. However God answered his prayers and gave him hope that he could die for something worthwhile: a purpose God would honor. He hoped by dying, he could avenge himself of living merely to satisfy his passions. Samson died believing his hope in the Lord God would mean deliverance from the penalty of having lived a raucous, rebellious life.  

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O Lord, your discipline is good and leads to life and health. Oh, heal me and make me live! Yes, now I see it all – it was good for me to undergo this bitterness, for you have lovingly delivered me from death; you have forgiven all my sins.

~Isaiah 38:16-17 The Living Bible

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Discovering God's Purpose

Devising plans for achieving an objective depends on an underlying purpose that motivates the drive to succeed. Purpose creates and sustains momentum for success. A job may become boring, but a purpose such as supporting a family or planning for retirement provides enthusiasm for showing up each day.

Parents are well aware that children approach their schoolwork and chores at home with a relatively good attitude when they believe there is a purpose worthy of their efforts and energies. The rewards for doing well are essentially connected to long-term objectives, but acknowledging God's purpose for your life provides contentment and peace.

Samson found a purpose worth dying for at the very end of his life. He believed that this purpose was from God himself. It was perhaps consoling to realize God was working out his plan and purpose for him, as he is working out his purpose for you. "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."  

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The Lord will complete what his purpose is for me. Lord, your gracious love is eternal; do not abandon your personal work in me.

~Psalm 138:8 International Standard Version

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