Can Your Behavior Patterns Be Changed?

Is it possible to be too nice by accepting other people’s negative attitudes and behaviors? Vicious circles begin by yielding to self-imposed needs to always be nice and accepting. Feelings of guilt and shame may follow when a person yields to being inappropriately nice.

Vicious circles can be problematic, not only for relationships but for a person’s integrity and self-esteem. 

Those within a vicious circle may lose self-respect by refusing to share what they think and feel just to avoid having conflict and being rejected.

Can these patterns of behavior be changed? The answer is "Yes", but it may be difficult where conflict avoidance is part of the vicious circle. However, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Energy for change comes from believing God is a constant source of hope and power. Psalm 18 declares, “I love you, O Lord, my strength, my rock, my fortress, and my Savior.” Allow this to be your testimony and faith.

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Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone.

~Galatians 6:10 New Living Translation

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Can You Manage Your Strengths and Weaknesses?

Being proud of your accomplishments can portray both a strength and a weakness of character. Believing that success is achieved by strong values, hard work, and faith that elevates the Lord Jesus Christ to the highest priority are strengths to be celebrated.

Saul, the first King of Israel, was successful as long as he submitted to the presence of God in his life. Sadly, he believed he could achieve great things in his own power and abilities. Saul’s pride was a weakness that cut him off him from God’s blessing.

Weaknesses can be a blessing by realizing you can serve God as he offsets your weaknesses with his grace and power. Believe you can do immeasurable things by depending on God as the guiding force in your life. 

Be thankful that God has given you the opportunity to serve him with the time you are allotted here on earth. Jesus came to seek and serve those in need.  

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But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

~2 Corinthians 12:9 English Standard Version

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When Do Your Plans Collide with God's Purpose?

A pivotal event often corresponds to a particular moment when a new direction in life is undertaken. Hannah was unable to conceive and give birth to a child. In desperation she promised God if he would permit her to give birth to a son, she would dedicate him to God for his entire life.

When a son was born, she named him Samuel, which meant “heard from God.” When Samuel was three, Hannah and her husband took him to Eli the priest to be dedicated and trained as a servant of God. Hannah did not forget Samuel. Once a year she visited him and brought him a special gift.

Giving birth to Samuel and dedicating him to God were pivotal moments for Hannah. These changed her identity and self-esteem. She believed God had heard her prayers, and this made him completely trustworthy. 

A pivotal moment in your life will occur when by faith you acknowledge all things are possible with God, who loves you.                 

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You may make your plans, but God directs your actions. 

~Proverbs 16:9 Good News Bible

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How Are Procrastination and Avoidance Alike?

Do procrastination and avoidance sound like twin behaviors? To procrastinate means to put off or postpone doing a task. Avoidance means dodging or averting responsibility for something or someone. Procrastination and avoidance can evolve into indifference, which can be intentional or incidental.

Procrastination’s triumph is creating indifference to an issue even when neglect has or will produce severe repercussions. It’s analogous to feeling no guilt for failing to be responsible in some significant area of life. Guilt propels a person to make things right, to apologize, to clear up neglect.

The guilt David felt for the death of Uriah, Bathsheba's husband, was suppressed until God’s messenger Nathan reminded David of his sin. When you feel guilty, God’s message is to confess, repent, seek forgiveness, and make amends. Remember, you can do all things through Christ Jesus. There is no better time than this moment to begin.  

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Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, “Come back later; I’ll give it tomorrow” – when you now have it with you.

~Proverbs 3:27-28 New International Version

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New Year Expectations for Positive Good

How are your expectations for this coming New Year affecting you emotionally? Are you feeling confident your expectations will bring you joy and peace? Your expectations are influenced by other people’s beliefs, behaviors, theology, and politics. Whether or not expectations become reality is dependent on your commitment to bring them to fruition.

There are positive and negative expectations. Positive expectations are connected to the belief that if I manage my life with realistic boundaries and goals, I can depend on a measure of success. Negative expectations can diminish your self-esteem, your confidence, and can result in distrust that the future will be beneficial.

To counteract negative expectations, turn your thoughts to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, who designed you to trust him with all you heart. Then look for the evidence of the hope he will provide. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Let this be your vision and hope. Happy New Year! 

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I am confident of this: that the One who has begun his good work in you will go on developing it until the day of Jesus Christ.

~Philippians 1:6 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

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Hope for a Better Tomorrow

Every individual needs to change and mature in some area of their life. Deciding to change is indicative of imperfections and weaknesses. The chance for a new beginning and a fresh start encourages making some needed changes. While the past may have been painful, it doesn't have to determine your future.

Faith and hope for a better tomorrow give life vitality. Seeing change though to fruition is dependent on believing your efforts are blessed by God. How can this be known? If what you are attempting brings honor to God and you give him credit for what is accomplished, then he will bless your hard work.

So change must be a commitment to God’s purposes for you. Sabotaging yourself is difficult to avoid, but as you continually permit God to empower you to make a new start, success can be achieved. The Apostle Paul proclaimed, “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength.” This can be your confidence.        

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The Lord said: Forget what happened long ago! Don’t think about the past. I am creating something new. There it is! Do you see it? I have put roads in deserts, streams in thirsty lands.

~Isaiah 43:18-19 Contemporary English Version

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Convictions Determine How We Live

Conviction is the litmus test of a belief system, for it represents strength of character that is expressed in actions. Every Christian faces a challenge: If you want to convince others of the value of Christianity, then live it with conviction. This is what Jesus meant when he challenged us to love God with all our strength.

Strength incorporates every aspect of our being, including our  determination and convictions. Physical strength diminishes as the body grows weary, but strong convictions and determination can endure every ordeal. Convictions appraise character strengths that determine how we will live our lives.

Washington Irving noted that conviction and determination prompt a person to stand firm when facing trouble. Listen to the Apostle Paul: “God has appointed me an apostle and teacher to proclaim the good news and for this reason I suffer many things. But I know whom I have trusted and am convinced he will guard my commitment.” That is faith in Christ Jesus.  

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I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.

~Philippians 4:13 Good News Bible

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Communications Limitations

Communication is often limited by prescribed rules. At school children learn to refrain from speaking until permission is granted. These limitations become more restrictive with age and maturity. At home a child is prohibited from speaking in a disrespectable tone of voice. These and other limitations will continue throughout life.

There are self-imposed limitations to communication. Members of certain families may go for days, even months, without speaking. These self-imposed limitations usually are anchored in some level of anger, or even hatred. Shyness grounded in anxiety and fear or in embarrassment can also diminish communication.

Moses believed he was handicapped as a speaker and would be a liability to God. When he realized what God could do with a handicap, his confidence improved. He later became God’s most distinguished prophet. The Apostle Paul declared, “I can do all things through Christ Jesus, who gives me strength.” Never doubt what God can do with you. 

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Moses replied, “I have never been a good speaker. I wasn’t one before you spoke to me, and I’m not one now. I am slow at speaking, and I can never think of what to say.” But the Lord answered, “Who makes people able to speak or makes them deaf or unable to speak? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Don’t you know that I am the one who does these things? Now go! When you speak, I will be with you and give you the words to say.”  

~Exodus 4:10-12 Contemporary English Version

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Face Inner Struggles with Confidence

It's apparent that we bring to relationships values and habits acquired throughout our past. What come with us are inner strivings and conflicts that define us as unique human beings. What causes conflict is incompatibility between what we think and how we feel.

A young man left his family to find a job and enroll in college. Contending with the college enrollment system left him feeling lost and anxious. Embarrassed and too shy to seek help, he departed for home. Facing friends and family with failure was more acceptable to him than confronting the complexity of a system he didn’t understand, which to others seemed incompatible with his previous high academic performance.

Inner conflicts can play havoc with what you're actually capable of achieving. Yet self-confidence can increase to the point of overriding anxiety that previously told you to flee uncomfortable situations. However, focusing on God's presence in moments of anxiety will provide strength to face your inner struggles with confidence. 

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For the Lord will be your confidence and he will keep your foot from being caught.

~Proverbs 3:26 New American Standard Bible

Let us have confidence, then, and approach God’s throne, where there is grace. There we will receive mercy and find grace to help us just when we need it.

~Hebrews 4:16 Good News Bible

God gives me the strength to face anything.

~Philippians 4:13 Contemporary English Version

Overcoming the Impossible

What offenses can be forgiven and what cannot? Some people put limitations on forgiveness – especially for offenders whose offense was so devastating, insulting and vile it appears there is no way to purge the anger and grief from their heart and soul. While recovery may not appear possible, with God, the impossible can be overcome.

 

For those who trust in Christ Jesus, it's difficult to envision a situation where forgiveness would seem impossible. I heard a story about a young man who was raped in prison and forced to participate as a homosexual for the duration of his imprisonment. The message of the story was that we out here do not want to know the details of such offenses.

Do we ever forget an offense? Given the right stimulus, our memory can recreate events that severely wounded us. Yet God promises to heal devastating wounds, so when we remember the offense, the pain begins to diminish as God heals our heart and soul. Give God thanksgiving and praise for that blessing.  

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“Stay alert! I am God, the God of everything living. Is there anything I cannot do?”

~Jeremiah 32:27 The Message

Jesus said to the disciples…Listen to me! You can pray for anything, and if you believe, you have it; it’s yours! But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive you your sins too.”

~Mark 11:24-25 The Living Bible

For I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.

~Philippians 4:13 The Living Bible

Promises and Character Strengths

The promises you make are important because they reveal your character. Your commitment to keep promises echoes your sincerity, integrity and faithfulness. A promise resembles a covenant, a pledge to maintain certain terms of an agreement. In a positive sense its gives assurance to actively do specific things for the good of another or oneself.

Guilt can become a troublesome problem when we promise what we can’t deliver. It invites criticism from others and opens the door for self-condemnation because trust has been violated between oneself and others. A good standard to live by is to promise only what you know for certain you will complete.

God will not help you sweep broken promises under the rug but will give you the means for fulfilling what you’ve promised, although it may seem impossible or inappropriate to do so. God acknowledges your determination to be responsible and will open doors for you to succeed. “I can do all things through Christ Jesus who gives me strength.”  

Leaving Home

Jacob grew up feeling a deep sense of attachment to his mother. His brother Esau was close to the father. We see this same dynamic in contemporary families even though the circumstances and culture are different. Personality and temperament can influence a child to identify with one parent, which gives the appearance of favoritism and paves the way for sibling rivalry.

Favoritism most often opens the door for self-centeredness. Self-centeredness can be so deliberately expressed, there can be no mistake identifying it. On the other hand, self-centeredness can be expressed so creatively, you may feel that person is doing you a favor by using you for their good.

Self-centeredness can be linked to feelings of fear and inadequacy, leaving a person believing if they look right, act right, these feelings will remain concealed. When we commit our deficiencies to Christ Jesus, they lose their power to control our lives. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Have you committed your life to Jesus? Why not do it now?

Confidence for Tomorrow

Bridges through the ages were conceived and constructed to be liberators. In fact, they made travel possible across a terrain that could otherwise be impassable. Affectionate names for bridges reflect their architecture, location and purpose. Engineers and architects must have confidence in their ideas and construction techniques!

Confidence itself is a bridge, for without it, moving forward would be difficult if not impossible. Think of confidence this way: “To be an achiever, you have to be a believer.” Faith and confidence parallel each other. As an engineer has faith in his product, faith in God precedes genuine faith in oneself.

Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ gives us the courage to face any obstacle with confidence and look toward the future with expectancy. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” demonstrates the Apostle Paul’s faith. Whatever you’re facing at this moment, go forward with faith and expectancy, for Christ Jesus is with you. 

Fightings Within, Fears Without: Come to God - Part 1

Self-condemnation is often caused by expectations that are impossible to achieve which pave the way for blame, defensiveness and guilt to surface. Criticism from significant others creates a lack of self-acceptance and will generate internal and external conflict. Imagine the emotional pain produced by a negative perception of oneself.

Coping with low self-esteem through eating disorders, substance abuse and other harmful behaviors tends to exaggerate internal strife. Self-condemnation makes it difficult to feel loved and accepted by God and others. As difficult as it is to achieve, the objective is to change a negative perception of oneself to self-acceptance.

The Apostle Paul declared, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Choosing to be vulnerable for God to cleanse the heart, soul and mind of guilt diminishes self-condemnation. 1 John 1:7 reassures me that the blood of Christ Jesus cleanses me from every sin. Thank God for his grace and mercy and for new a beginning.  

Facing the Giants of Life - Part 2

In life’s journey, cruel, bad things happen to good people because evil exists in the hearts and minds of those whose mission is to harm others. Justifiable punishment is right for those who perpetrate evil on the undeserving. Blaming others for our lack of achievement and failing to be accountable is often a defense for lack of courage and faith.

The majority of the men whom Moses sent to survey the land God promised believed Israel was incapable of taking it from the giants who possessed it. Listen to their exaggerated analysis. "The people living there are powerful giants and their cities are fortified and well defended." They believed God was incapable helping them, so they exaggerated the obstructions.

They blamed God for placing impossible barriers in their way and believed death awaited them if they engaged the giants who possess the land. They failed to trust in God's provision and protection. Whatever you’re facing, believe "you can do all things through Christ who will empower you to do what appears impossible." 

Faith and Trust to Grow - Part 1

Every parent can remember the transition their infant made from being helpless and dependent to being a toddler demanding independence and self-governing. Toddlers learn to express displeasure loudly with the word no, which is indicative of approaching self-reliance and making personal choices. This move toward independence is a God-given drive.

Making choices for becoming an autonomous, independent person can be observed throughout each stage of life. It's based on trust that begins in infancy. Reluctance by parents to let their toddler move normally toward independence hinders the development of self-confidence that encourages separation and learning responsibility.

God intended for each person to be confident and independent so we could go forward and discover our place in his world. St. Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." God created you to be a normal, unique individual capable of achieving the purpose he intended for you.  

Contented or Complacent? - Part 1

Making necessary changes is often complicated by complacency, which can be difficult to dislodge. This attitude can become so anchored that change seems impossible even though opportunity to do so exists. A hard working  executive was offered a new job with an increase in salary and good benefits but declined because change made him feel uneasy.

Complacency tells us to avoid what is uncomfortable although there is no apparent danger. Clichés like “Don’t rock the boat,” and “Don’t make waves,” expose our insecurities. Moses was content to stay with his father-in-law tending sheep, but God had different plans for him. Although the risk for Moses was great, he reluctantly obeyed God’s call.

Making decisions to change necessitates confronting complacency with affirmations like: “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,” and “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you O Lord are with me.” Challenging complacency demands courage and determination.