Manage Conflict: Commit to Engage and Change - Part 3

Stress is inescapable. It meets us at work, at home, in traffic, and everywhere. How stress is managed is connected to our personality, education, training, and belief systems. People whose attitude is amenable to change and healthy challenge appear to have a healthier stress tolerance than those who rate low on these attributes.

I was impressed by a seventy-eight-year-old widow who decided she still had something to offer society. She set out to find a place for herself rather than stay home and rest, as her children advised her to do. She remains bright and spunky, capable of driving herself to exercise class, computer classes and several volunteer opportunities.

Significant is the renewal of her fellowship with Christ Jesus, including Bible study with other believers. Even at seventy-eight she's a model for self-control and self-determination. 2 Timothy 1:7 gives meaning and purpose to her. "For God did not give you a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love, and self-control."  That defines a stress-buster.  

Manage Conflict: Commit to Engage and Change - Part 2

Couples get married believing they will live happily forever. When fantasy collides with reality, disillusionment can lead to despair. Disillusionment is created by failing to know and correctly understand another person. Couples ignore differences in each other's belief systems and personalities so that negotiating real differences will be based solely on each other's integrity and willingness to change to save the relationship.

The first wife of the architect Frank Lloyd Wright as well as his six children  gave up on him because he was unavailable, unengaged, and aloof. He had a type of resilience and hardness of character that made it impossible for him to be warm, loving, and involved as a father and husband.

Peter had a presumptuousness that had to be confronted. Jesus asked him: "Are you more than a friend? Do you love me unconditionally? Are you willing to step outside of your protective walls so you can love me completely?" Will you let Jesus choose you for his service?

Manage Conflict: Commit to Engage and Change - Part 1

A young man and woman in their late twenties, engaged to be married, decided to seek counseling before setting the wedding date. In the counselor's office, the future groom complained that his fiancée needed to discuss in minute detail every aspect of their wedding. She complained he would not talk about anything unless pushed to do so.

Conflict centered around communication styles and different needs. Trying to engage her fiancé in something other than surface talk created resistance, which caused the young woman to feel anxious and rejected. She, however, learned not to be put off by uncomfortable feelings. If important issues could not be resolved immediately, she learned to wait for a more opportune time.

Resilience is overcoming obstacles to reach an objective. When Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved him, he was seeking a commitment that Peter seemingly had trouble giving. Jesus was asking for more than a minimal commitment. He wanted Peter's complete loyalty, including his promise to be faithful. This is what Jesus is asking from us.  

Change, Challenge, and Convictions of Steel - Part 3

Engagement is a wonderful word most often referring to a couple's decision to make their relationship exclusive. Engagement means entering a covenant bond with promises regarding roles and behaviors to be honored for a lifetime. The integrity of each person entering this covenant bond affects the endurance of the relationship.

Engagement is an essential factor in communication. Engaging a person in conversation means more than exchanging words. It indicates two people are on the same track and their exchange of words is meaningful. To engage another person means to give value to that person, and it goes beyond words to give recognition to what another is feeling.

Resilience is related to staying on track rather than getting sidetracked. Jesus in John 21 demonstrated resilience with Peter when he asked him three times, "Peter do you love me?" Jesus was aware of the trials yet to be endured by Peter. He engaged and challenged Peter by asking for a commitment that would endure regardless of hardships yet to be faced.

Change, Challenge, and Convictions of Steel - Part 2

People who are able to endure life's hardships tend to view change as a challenge rather than a tragedy. These people believe change is imminent.  For others, change must come at a deliberate pace to activate coping skills and keep change within acceptable boundaries. For some, change is seen as a challenge to explore new frontiers.

Loss of employment can be seen as an opportunity to find a job that's more compatible with one's personality and skills. Or consider the elderly couple who must sell their home because upkeep is too difficult. While this may create grief and anxiety, moving to assisted living can instill feelings of relief and security.

It's imperative to believe that God will help you face troubles and resolve any issue. The Holy Spirit's job is to put steel in your convictions as you submit to him. God gives you faith that becomes unshakable. Hardiness of character, a blessing from God, enables you to view change as a challenge rather than a tragedy. 

Change, Challenge, and Convictions of Steel - Part 1

Stress is an inescapable fact of life. Too much stress interferes with job productivity and personal effectiveness in relationships. Physical pain and illness can be stress-related. Research indicates that it isn't situations that overload a person with stress, but how situations are perceived. Resilience, the ability to flow with life's events, is a major factor in limiting the effects of stress.

Resilience is attributed to emotional and physical hardiness. Hardiness indicates toughness of character, strong convictions, and the ability to endure change. People with hardiness of mind and soul have the ability to perceive change as a challenge that's intertwined with their convictions.

What builds convictions made of steel like those possessed by the Christians at Thessalonica? The Apostle Paul attributed this to their unrelenting, passionate faith in Christ Jesus. This gave hope for the future and determination to do the work Christ Jesus assigned them. While this is energizing, it also keeps stress at an acceptable level.

Never Give Up! God Will Send Help - Part 3

Recently a friend related that he was sure God called him for an important purpose. Seemingly impossible obstacles had appeared immediately from every- where. Whatever could go wrong did as a test of his determination to stay on task. He knew God's purpose for him was good and do-able, and this enabled him to rebuke every negative thought and resist every temptation Satan hurled at him.

No matter how determined the forces were to sidetrack him, the certainty of God's call gave him courage to stay focused. A compelling factor was a godly hope for the future - hope of God's blessings for others and himself. Hope gives resilience power to stand firm, regardless of disturbing distractions.

The Apostle Paul gave these encouraging words to the Christians at Thessalonica. "It's clear that God loves you and has put his hand on you for something special. When we preached to you, it wasn't just words. Something happened in you. The Holy Spirit deposited steel in your convictions." Where there's steel in convictions, there's hope for the future.