Choice of Words – Vital for Effective Communication

Choosing what to say and how to say it is an essential principal for effective communication. This truth is acknowledged in Proverbs 15:4: “Words that bring healing are a tree of life, but deceitful words crush the spirit.” Choosing words carefully mirrors a person’s thoughtfulness and character. It is also indicative of active listening.

Some people listen to be supportive while others listen to be critical and condescending. Instead of listening to a complete sentence or idea, some individuals hear only certain words and miss what is in the heart of the one speaking. Our words should always be indictive of a healthy, caring person.

It’s important to remember that whatever is in your heart and mind reveals your true character, as reflected in your words. Listen to Psalm 37:30-31: “The mouth of the righteous utters wisdom and his tongue speaks justice. The law of his God is in his heart; his foot does not slip.” Allow the Lord Jesus to fill you with his wisdom and righteousness. This will transform your heart and soul.  

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An idea well-expressed is like a design of gold, set in silver. A warning given by an experienced person to someone willing to listen is more valuable than gold rings or jewelry made of the finest gold.

~Proverbs 25:11-12 Good News Bible

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Words Matter – Use Your Filter!

An essential principal for effective communication is recognizing the impact the choice of words has on others. Words spoken impulsively and inappropriately can damage another person's self-esteem and self-worth. Those speaking so thoughtlessly may never consider the emotional  impact of their words.

God designed each individual with the capacity to filter words before they are spoken. The key is being sensitive to warning signals that alert us to the danger and inappropriateness of our language. It is better to choose what you say rather than say whatever you impulsively think, especially when emotionally upset.

Our choice of words either builds a bridge to understanding and feelings of security or creates disharmony and alienation. If you spoke to others as if you were addressing the Lord Jesus Christ, would it make a difference in your choice of words and the tone of your voice? Is it possible for others to see Jesus reflected in how and what you communicate?  

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Words of wisdom come from the wise, but fools speak foolishness.

~Proverbs 15:2 Contemporary English Version

 Patience and gentle talk can convince a ruler and overcome any problem.

~Proverbs 25:15 Contemporary English Version

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Credibility – Essential for Effective Communication

Credibility is an essential principle for effective communication and is dependent on three basic components. First, what is spoken must be rational and believable. The second component of credibility is integrity and honesty, for these are not only interwoven into the spoken language but also obviously seen in the person’s behavior.

A third component of credibility is demonstrated by the willingness to be held accountable whenever failure is experienced. The importance of revealing temptations to a trusted accountability partner is apparent. Exposing temptations diminishes their power while giving us credibility not only as a person but also as a believer.

The Apostle Paul tells us to "make sure your conversations are full of grace” for then they reflect the character of Christ Jesus. Listen to Ephesians 4:29: “Let there be no more foul language, but only good words suitable for the occasion which God can use to help other people.” This is laying up treasures in heaven.  

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What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

~Ephesians 4:25 The Message

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Regaining Lost Credibility

For communications to be credible, trustworthiness must be the dominant attribute in each person’s character. In the initial days of most relationships, credibility in what is communicated is taken as reality since there isn't cause for doubt or disbelief. Therefore effective communication is inherently dependent upon integrity and honesty.

  

Credibility is definitely lost through dishonest communications, which ironically reveal the truth concerning a person’s character. Every child will at times fail to tell the truth, especially if he or she is in danger of facing punishment. However, some people distort the truth simply because it’s become a habit in the way they communicate.

Peter, one of Jesus’ disciples, lost credibility when he was asked, “Don’t you know Jesus?” He denied ever knowing Jesus. Credibility must be protected for it will be needed in every area of life. Ephesians 4:25 states, “You must put aside every falsehood and practice telling the truth.” Always be ready to defend your credibility with the truth.

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Then take on an entirely new way of life – a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

~Ephesians 4:23-24 The Message

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Transforming Doubt and Distrust

Dark days in a relationship follow loss of trust and faith in a person’s  character. When a person is trustworthy, their character demonstrates it. Credibility in effective communication also relies on honesty and integrity, as seen in a person’s words and actions. These attributes are fundamental for relationships.

Since effective communication depends on a person’s word being trustworthy, a credibility gap evolves as doubt and disbelief take the place of confidence and trust. Distorting the truth eventually builds a bridge to an impasse, if not a complete breakdown in communications. Failing to tell the truth destroys trust and respect.

For credibility gaps to close, a transformation in character must take place. This can save a relationship. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ along with repentance and forgiveness is essential for a change in character to be permanent. God has the power to transform doubt and distrust into faith and hope. He can do it! 

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Show mercy to those who have doubts.

~Jude 22 Good News Bible

The father said...“Oh, have mercy on us and do something if you can.” “If I can?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible, if you have faith.” The father instantly replied, “I do have faith; oh, help me to have more!”

~Mark 9:21-24 The Living Bible

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Building Bridges with Our Language

The language we use builds a bridge either to understanding and acceptance or to confusion and disharmony. Language, no matter how unrefined, is basic for creating and sustaining loving relationships. When language escalates into hostile accusations, damage to the self-image and character of each person is unavoidable.

Provocative language used to control a situation or attack another person is usually met with equally defensive language designed to protect one’s self-image. Provocative language complicates the prospects for solving problems because the willingness to consider another's feelings, ideas and needs fades away.

Most problems can be negotiated where respect is extended to each other's feelings and ideas. Giving others an opportunity to express their ideas demonstrates trust and respect. Jesus' command was that we love one another, for doing so opens the door to trust and faith for building security into relationships.  

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Stop lying to each other. Quit being angry, hateful, and evil. No longer say insulting or cruel things about each other.  You have given up your old way of life with its habits.

~Colossians 3:8-9 Contemporary English Version

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Self-Monitoring: Essential for Effective Communication

Discord eventually makes its presence known in every relationship. Differences in personalities create dissension, which interferes with effective communication that’s essential for addressing difficult issues. Personality differences in thinking patterns and feelings emphasize how easily conflict can be triggered.

The first principle of effective communication is self-monitoring. Being able to effectively communicate reduces tension and stress, especially when each person’s viewpoint is respected. This can be done by monitoring your thoughts and feelings so what is verbalized doesn’t evolve into conflict. Verbal and nonverbal feedback influence how problem-solving is managed.

Self-monitoring helps filter what to verbalize and when to remain silent. God's word discourages conflicts and chaos, but it confers blessings to those who make unity and harmony their primary objective. “Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God.” These are words of encouragement from Jesus and are worthy of following.  

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You will say the wrong thing if you talk too much – so be sensible and watch what you say.

~Proverbs 10:19 Contemporary English Version

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