Speak with Confidence

Limitations in communications may be caused by incompatibility of moods with another person. Mood incompatibilities can cause conflict, misunderstanding, and avoidance of other people. Emotional barriers can range from feeling grumpy to strong feelings of anger, fear, and anxiety, making communications seem impossible.

Mood incompatibility can be responsible for misunderstandings that create negative attitudes toward one another. These attitudes may create responses similar to, "You're always in a bad mood. You're never happy and this rubs off on me." It’s possible however to respond with, “Is there something bothering you that I can help resolve?”

Trying to communicate can be risky but holding back what needs to be verbalized may result in a crisis. Trusting the Holy Spirit to give you courage to do what is right is an alternative to emotional distance. There are times when trusting others to provide insight is God’s answer for help and encouragement.  

___________________ 

…Never worry about how to defend yourselves, or what to say, for at that very moment the Holy Spirit will teach you what you ought to say.

~Luke 12:11-12 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

___________________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

 

Communications Limitations

Communication is often limited by prescribed rules. At school children learn to refrain from speaking until permission is granted. These limitations become more restrictive with age and maturity. At home a child is prohibited from speaking in a disrespectable tone of voice. These and other limitations will continue throughout life.

There are self-imposed limitations to communication. Members of certain families may go for days, even months, without speaking. These self-imposed limitations usually are anchored in some level of anger, or even hatred. Shyness grounded in anxiety and fear or in embarrassment can also diminish communication.

Moses believed he was handicapped as a speaker and would be a liability to God. When he realized what God could do with a handicap, his confidence improved. He later became God’s most distinguished prophet. The Apostle Paul declared, “I can do all things through Christ Jesus, who gives me strength.” Never doubt what God can do with you. 

___________________ 

Moses replied, “I have never been a good speaker. I wasn’t one before you spoke to me, and I’m not one now. I am slow at speaking, and I can never think of what to say.” But the Lord answered, “Who makes people able to speak or makes them deaf or unable to speak? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Don’t you know that I am the one who does these things? Now go! When you speak, I will be with you and give you the words to say.”  

~Exodus 4:10-12 Contemporary English Version

____________________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

Searching the Heart with Search Talk – Part 3

It's difficult to thoroughly know another person until you’ve seen them at their worst. As a college freshman my son shared an apartment with a friend from high school. By semester’s end he was ready to move in with another friend he believed would be more compatible. We seem destined to search for contentment and happiness.

Virgil, the first century BC Roman poet observed, "Happy is the person who searches out the cause of things by inquiring, questioning, and observing." Wanting to understand why someone made a particular choice motivates search talk. Search talk need not be offensive when designed to benefit each person by discovering truth.

Searching for the truth to better understand a person or situation is acceptable although the truth may be painful. Search talk’s objective is to discover truth, which relies on honesty. The Psalmist invites God to search his heart and to know him so he would be free to truly be himself. You can also give God this invitation, so listen closely to what he finds.  

____________________ 

Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking. Don’t let me follow evil ways, but lead me in the way that time has proven true.

~Psalm 139:23-24 Good News Bible

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

~Psalm 139:23-24 New Living Translation

____________________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

Searching the Heart with Search Talk – Part 2

In every effort to communicate, each individual responds to the one speaking and to one’s own moods, expectations, and thoughts. This sets up a chain reaction that can be positive or negative. Search talk seeks to discover solutions to problems, develop guidelines for living, and develop a perspective for pursuing a mutually agreed upon course of action.

Search talk makes every effort to understand one another in terms of what is needed or wanted. Search talk also implies that trust and respect are a given, assuring what is discovered will remain private and never used to hurt the other.

Search talk can provide clues on how to overcome obstacles. Jesus consistently engaged others in search talk to help clarify needs, discover solutions to problems, and bring light to hidden motives. Psalm 4:4 challenges you to search your heart and mind by thinking deeply when there is trouble and then to seek solutions from wise counselors. Wait patiently until you are confident in how God wants you to proceed.  

___________________ 

Tremble and do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.

~Psalm 4:4 New International Version

The Lord searches all hearts and examines deepest motives so he can give to each person his right reward, according to his deeds – how he has lived.

~Jeremiah 17:10 The Living Bible

___________________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

Searching the Heart with Search Talk – Part 1

Communication is a natural, basic interaction in healthy loving relationships. Successful communication depends on correctly hearing and understanding what is said for the central purpose of responding appropriately. This is achieved by speaking or acting in ways that are non-threatening and non-offensive.

How a person looks, their facial expression, the tone of their voice, and the look in their eyes contribute to non-verbal messages. Search talk is a form of communication where both verbal and non-verbal expressions are explored for better understanding.

Search talk’s objective is to explore solutions to problems. Search talk is successful when each person remains committed to a mutual, shared purpose. Romans 8:27 reminds us that God searches our hearts to thoroughly know the motives that trigger our thinking and behavior. As we ask God to help us search our own heart, he gives us insight and wisdom for being committed to actions that honor him and those with whom we are in relationship.  

_____________________ 

You have looked deep into my heart, Lord, and you know all about me.

~Psalm 139:1 Contemporary English Version

The hearts of wise people guard their mouths. Their words make people want to learn more.

~Proverbs 16:23 New International Reader’s Version

_____________________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

Listening for Unity

What would you say is the primary purpose for communications? If you say to give or receive information or to clarify issues, you would be basically right. Communication is designed to help people understand what is needed to accomplish a task. It is important to listen thoroughly so there can be unity of thought and purpose.

Failing to listen by jumping to conclusions sabotages purpose and unity. Since each person may differ in willingness to hear information, it’s possible for there to be variations in what is understood, which then sets the stage for conflict. Prematurely coming to judgment with limited information causes disunity and turmoil. 

Listening to understand may mean delaying obvious conclusions. Active listening includes realizing the importance of words and feelings, for both give meaning and purpose to communication. Jesus scolded people for having perfectly good ears but still being unable to hear. So listen to identify feelings as well as the spoken word. 

___________________ 

The one who gives an answer before he listens – this is foolishness and disgrace for him.

~ Proverbs 18:13 Holman Christian Standard Bible

 

And beyond all these things put on love, which is the prefect bond of unity.

~Colossians 3:14 New American Standard Bible

____________________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week. 

Is the Silence Golden?

Someone said silence is golden when it is used as a powerful technique for communications. Experts agree that silence can speak louder than the spoken word. Silence is not an indication of an inactive brain or a lack of thinking. Difficult issues are often resolved during periods of silence even in the healthiest relationships.

There is both a positive and negative dimension to silence. It can be destructive if someone refuses to address important issues. Silence can become destructive when it is used as a tool for punishment. It’s also destructive when used to secure emotional distance or to keep someone off balance. Silence that causes pain and suffering is destructive.

Silence can be helpful for soothing tension and regaining a healthy mental and emotional perspective. When silence is used for listening, it’s possible to hear more than mere words. This builds a bridge to understanding the other person. Jesus often retreated to a lonely, quiet place to connect with his Heavenly Father. Perhaps you should explore that option. 

____________________ 

Be still and know that I am God... Be still and know that I am… Be still and know… Be still… Be…

~Psalm 46:10 New International Version

____________________

Subscribe to the Attitudes Answers podcast on your favorite podcast platform to hear this and other 2-minute features 3 days every week.