What Can Anger Teach Us About Ourselves?

That anger has a cutting edge to it is indisputable. For anger to pierce the heart and soul, it must be powered by fear, resentment, or hurt. The objective of anger is to diminish another’s character strengths.

By adopting this objective, we are made victims of the loneliness from alienation and guilt. If we suppress anger, we damage our character and soul. When we refuse to acknowledge the destructiveness of anger, we close the door on a vital part of our relationship with God and others.

God gave us anger to teach us how to give and receive forgiveness, which restores peace and fellowship to relationships. God’s anger caused by our sin is replaced by forgiveness and his unfailing love. Why not let this be the solution to the problems and troubles created by your anger? Then you will enjoy peace and freedom. 

                      

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Where is another God like you, who pardons the sins of the survivors among his people? You cannot stay angry with your people, for you love to be merciful. Once again you will have compassion on us. You will tread our sins beneath your feet; you will throw them into the depths of the ocean!

~Micah 7:18 The Living Bible 

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Should Anger Always Progress into Conflict?

What do you think was God’s intent for creating people with the capacity to feel and express anger? Just the sound of the word ‘anger’ has negative connotations related to its intensity and persistence, and in addition, much pain and suffering have been attributed to its existence.

An elderly man refused to visit a sister he had not seen in decades. The rift was created by hurtful remarks each had made after their father’s funeral, remarks regarding the distribution of the family estate. They had permitted their anger and hurt feelings to fester into bitterness.

God never meant for anger to be a springboard for bitterness and alienation, but rather to demonstrate love and forgiveness. Anger can helps us discover the character strengths to end conflict and turmoil. Psalm 85:1 reminds us of God’s way: “You forgave the sins of your people, so your blazing anger is now ended.” That is God’s purpose for you.                           

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But now you must get rid of all these things: anger, passion, and hateful feelings. No insults or obscene talk must ever come from your lips. … Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you.

~Colossians 3:8,13 Good News Bible

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Does Difference of Opinion Equate to Conflict?

The cutting edge of anger is so sharp that it can damage trust and respect. The intent of anger is to take away power from those perceived as threatening. Fear, at some level, takes responsibility for creating and perpetuating anger. Fear creates a fight-or-flight reaction.

Two friends moved into an office to create a business they had talked about for years. How to furnish the office immediately became a point of contention. When anger and resentment became unresolvable, the friendship dissolved, with them each going their separate ways.

Differences of opinion do not have to be destructive when respect for each person is highly valued. Respect for one another can remain at the forefront of conflict by believing Jesus Christ lives in the heart and mind of each person with whom I disagree. Therefore I can be patient and kind, for God has not given me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and self-control. So live by that truth.  

                        

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Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.

~Romans 12:9-10 The Message

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How Does Anger Build Emotional Walls?

That anger is an emotional wall-builder is hard to dispute. Anger is a defensive measure designed to protect oneself against what is interpreted as threatening, physically or emotionally. Everyone is vulnerable when a threat is detected, so emotional walls are built in an attempt to be safe and protected.

Emotional walls are distance-creators for those of us who do not trust intimacy. Some walls are so expertly designed, they keep God at a distance and successfully stave off any attempt by him to reach our heart and soul. Yet we yearn to be changed and molded into something useful by him.

Listen, as Carl Sandburg offers himself to God in his poem, Prayers of Steel. “Lay me on an anvil, O God. Beat and hammer me into a crowbar. Let me pry loose old walls.” God’s love is the crowbar that eradicates the walls of anger and fear. He replaces these old walls with trust and peace. Trust God to do this.  I’m Olen Baker. 

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For [Christ] himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility…

~Ephesians 2:14 New International Version

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Can Anger Be Resolved Effectively?

Anger can be triggered by misinterpreting information or misreading a person’s body language. At a party where friends and associates were celebrating a business event, a man overheard a conversation between his wife and the host, which he interpreted as an attack on his character. He later accused his wife of betrayal.

Days passed before they even spoke to each other again. Hurt feelings and fear of creating an angry scene kept them silent. Finally, she asked him what triggered his anger. After revealing what he had heard, she explained they had been venting about someone at work, whose negative attitude made the workplace uncomfortable.

Feelings of rejection can trigger anger. It’s impossible to always escape feeling rejected, but angry outbursts seldom generate solutions. When these feelings surface, ask God for patience to explore the validity of what was heard and interpreted. Seeking the truth, even when it hurts, is blessed by God, who provides ways to discover solutions and healing.                      

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It is better to be patient than to fight. It is better to control your temper than to take a city.

~Proverbs 16:32 New International Readers' Version

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Is There a Productive Way to Express Anger?

Unresolved anger builds a wall between individuals who might love and care for each other. This wall may be unheeded initially but in time will create a barrier that appears impossible to penetrate. Anger can become layered in when there is no attempt to resolve issues that trigger this emotion.

Each eruption of anger can weaken the bond of trust. This is unfortunate because there’s a healthier way to manage an emotion that’s impossible to avoid. Some believe anger is the most convenient means for controlling situations and people, but this perception ignores the destructive nature of anger.

God’s anger as portrayed in Psalm 30:5 lasts only a moment, which implies anger is unavoidable but can be resolved immediately. Ask yourself, “Is the way I express anger productive or does it drive others away.” With God’s guidance and insight, walls created by anger can be dismantled.                

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Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Contemporary English Version

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Can Irrational Anger Be Managed?

Expressing anger can produce positive or negative results. The outcome is based not on whether anger is justified but on whether it is expressed in a rational way that can generate helpful solutions. Irrational anger damages relationships. David’s family experienced his irrational anger more than ever when it was empowered by alcohol.

On one occasion David reduced to rubble their furniture, electronics, and the children’s toys. That outburst of destructive anger separated him permanently from his family. No cries of regret could persuade his wife and children to return home. All trust and respect had been replaced with fear.

This result is not uncommon for irrational anger. Listen to James 1:20. “Everyone must be quick to listen and slow to speak, for anger will not result in the righteousness God desires.” There is help for out-of-control anger. God will give you the strength to be honest and to pursue help for this destructive affliction. 

                    

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The Lord is near to everyone who prays to him, to every faithful person who prays to him. He fills the needs of those who fear him. He hears their cries for  help and saves them.  

~Psalm 145:18-19 God’s Word Translation

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