Did You Listen? Can You Hear?

Is there a difference in listening and actually hearing what is being communicated? Listening is distinguished from hearing in that listening can take place with little concern for the speaker or without acknowledging any value on the words spoken. Hearing involves actively processing the meaning, purpose, and application of the words.

On one occasion Jesus acknowledged his audience had ears for hearing but were unwilling to grasp the meaning of his words. Attributing value to the one speaking and the words spoken defines communication. When the blind man in Mark 10:46 wanted to speak to Jesus, he was so excited that those around him tried to shut him up.

Finally, he was able to speak directly to Jesus, who heard the desperation in his voice as well as the faith in his heart. This persuaded Jesus to heal him. When we listen intently to what lies beneath the words, we are able to hear with distinction what is most important to the one speaking. 

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Jesus…said, “No, that isn’t it at all! Can’t you understand? Are your hearts too hard to take it in? Your eyes are to see with – why don’t you look? Why don’t you open your ears and listen? Don’t you remember anything at all?”

~Mark 8:17-18 The Living Bible

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Compassionate Listening

The main purpose of straight talk as a communication tool is to share what’s important even when it may seem trivial. Every person has been guilty of marginally listening to someone who needs to share what they think or feel. Failure to experience the compassionate listening of another person accounts for some people concealing their thoughts and feelings.

Each person must feel assured they can share what’s inside of them without fear of reprisal or criticism. A sense of safety is required for revealing what is hidden in the heart and soul. Know that it takes discipline and self-control to listen, but the reward is gaining trust and love from the one who wants you to listen.

Listening with the intent to understand demands patience but conveys a sense of importance for the one who is speaking. The rewards are declared in an old Swedish proverb: “As we share our joys, they are doubled. As we share our sorrows, they are halved”. For this privilege of sharing who we are with special people, we give thanks to you, Christ Jesus.

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The one who knows much says little; 

an understanding person remains calm.

~Proverbs 17:27 The Message

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Intentionally Listening Intently

One of the most loving ways to communicate is by listening intently to the words you’re hearing in addition to focusing on the feelings that are  driving the spoken words. Listening to words and feelings requires a conscious decision to shut out intrusive thoughts that steal attention away from what you’re hearing.

Choosing to listen with intentions to remember what is said takes appreciation and respect for the listener. Squelching the compulsive need to formulate a response before the other person has finished their thought or idea is required for effective communication. Failure to communicate is linked to inattentive listening habits.

Partial listening occurs when you fail to shut out distractions. You must acknowledge the speaker you’re listening to as being worthy of your complete attention and respect. Listening intently as a person shares their heart and soul is demonstrating your appreciation and love. Christ Jesus listens as we approach him with our need to be heard. 

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Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights.

~Proverbs 18:15 The Message

And we are sure of this, that [God] will listen to us whenever we ask him for anything in line with his will.

~1 John 5:14 The Living Bible

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Straight Talk: Speak It, Hear It

In order for successful relationships to remain vibrant and alive, there must be healthy, unrestrained communication. Open communication binds a family together through the difficult days each relationship is destined to experience. Communication depends on listening as much as it does on clearly articulating what needs to be said.

Saying what you mean in straightforward language is a necessity for being understood. That does not mean yelling or screaming and using offensive words to the one hearing what you want to communicate. Remember, it’s hard to listen when your thoughts race ahead to formulate a response, especially if what you’re hearing is difficult to accept.  

Most everyone is receptive to straight talk if spoken with integrity and concern for the integrity of the listener. When we're receptive to hearing what God has to say to us in worship, prayer, and Scripture, he speaks so we can understand. So listen closely and thoroughly and he will direct you in ways that lead to life and peace.  

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A bad motive can’t achieve a good end; double-talk brings you double trouble.

~Proverbs 17:20 The Message

Whatever you have to say, let your ‘yes’ be a plain ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be a plain ‘no’ – anything more than this has a taint of evil.  

~Matthew 5:37 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

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Sweet Speech vs. Spite

The way we talk and the words we use define our character. Our communication style and the tone of our voice give insight into the success or failure of the objectives we try to achieve with others. Listen to Proverbs 12:18: “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

The demands of spiteful, sarcastic language are never met. It's interesting to note that the Greek word for sarcasm means to "tear flesh", and tear is what it does – emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. So spiteful words poison a relationship, but you can change your speech.

Matthew 15:11 gives us wisdom from Jesus: “It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you, you are polluted by words that come out of your mouth.” Proverbs 16:24 reminds us, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”. The Holy Spirit longs to give you courage to apply God’s way to your speech so you will have peace with God and yourself.

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Mean people spread mean gossip; their words smart and burn.

~Proverbs 16:27 The Message

Make your words good – you will be glad you did.

~Proverbs 18:20 Contemporary English Version

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Words Full of Spite Are Not Right

The fundamental reason for using spiteful language is to discredit others. Spiteful words are loaded with malice and evil. Gossip and slander are examples of spiteful talk that belittles and humiliates those disliked or hated. Remember, God’s word never approves of spiteful language.

Feelings of jealousy are perpetuated by inferiority. Feelings of inferiority give birth to malicious jabs directed toward whomever is considered a threat. When my children were in middle school, spiteful taunts filled with sarcasm were common when speaking to friends and foes alike.

God does not approve of a spiteful attitude, for it does not indicate love for God or oneself. Listen to Psalm 19:14: “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord, my rock and redeemer.” Proverbs 15:28 follows with, “The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking.” God’s way is better.  

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Malice backfires; spite boomerangs.

~Proverbs 26:27 The Message

Have done, then, with all evil and deceit, all pretense and jealousy and slander.  

~1 Peter 2:1 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

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Communicate with Kindness, Not Cruelty

Communication can be direct and to the point or indirect and subtle. Either way can be effective in conveying information. Communication can express either warmth and loving acceptance or rejection with cold-hearted hatred. Words can be used as a means for resolving conflict or for advancing selfish desires and ambitions.

I recently observed a father attempting to manage his three young sons. His management style shifted from using a commanding voice to being humorous and playful, depending on what was needed at the moment. The boys could be playful and happy but then shift to using fighting, hostile words.

Adults also are capable of communicating with spiteful, malicious language that takes aim at another’s character and self-esteem. Proverbs 11:17 gives this counsel: “Your own soul is nourished when you are kind, but you destroy yourself when you are cruel.” So guard your thoughts and words, for in doing so you will please and honor what Christ Jesus expects of you. 

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Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.

~Proverbs 15:4 The Message

What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words.

~Proverbs 18:21 Good News Bible       

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