Speaking Truth with Love

In every attempt to communicate there is some purpose that may not be completely clear at the moment. The purpose can vary from giving and receiving critical information to just passing the time of day. We're often quick to judge the necessity of some communication because all communication is not pleasant to hear, especially criticism.

Deriving feelings of hope from words of correction is possible even when communication is difficult. Successful communication depends on the way words are spoken as much as on their purpose. It's possible for a person to be corrected and feel accepted and worthwhile if the spoken words are understood as caring rather than condemning.

So an essential principle for effective communication is to present what must be spoken factually and to the point but in a tone of voice that projects love and care. When Moses’ father-in-law spoke to him about a problem Moses had failed to see, he did it in a way that correctly described the problem while offering solutions that made sense. 

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God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love – like Christ in everything.

~Ephesians 4:15 The Message

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Uplifting Communication

The majority of couples considering becoming parents do so with a sense of joy and awe if not with some measure of anxiety. Most prospective parents feel compelled to produce grandchildren, believing it will bring pleasure to themselves and the prospective grandparents. Children hopefully provide opportunities for enriched communications between parents and grandparents.

God intended for communication to be pleasing and uplifting. When communication is activated with this attitude, new parents are often willing to receive help and correction. Proverbs 27:6 offers this reminder: "Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy." Maliciously inflicting suffering is not the intent of this proverb.

As we understand that Jesus was wounded for our transgressions, we have to ask, "What am I willing to do with the life that God has given me?" The answer to this question can be revealed in communication with the Lord God. This is the means for clarifying our identity and discovering our purpose for being created.

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Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

~Ephesians 4:29 New International Version

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Communicating with the Golden Rule

All communication reaches out to others for a specific purpose or benefit. Not all communication seeks the wellbeing of others. That's why so much of what is said is critical and negative rather than affirming and positive. When my objective is to build the character and self-esteem of others, then I am following the Golden Rule.

When negative, critical words are directed toward someone to reduce their self-esteem, the consequence should be an uneasy sense of guilt and shame. Communication was given by God to bring joy and pleasure to each person, which in turn ultimately contributes to a sense of belonging and completeness.

Success in relationships depends on a commitment to communicate openly and truthfully. What helps in times of stress is this prayer, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord my God." Communication is indeed a source of joy and wholeness when it’s pleasing to Christ Jesus.

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Then you must practice dealing with others as you would like for them to deal with you; for this is the summing up of the law and the prophets.

~Matthew 7:12 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

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Bonding and Communication Work Together

Mankind is designed to demonstrate aggression toward others, and at times toward himself. One purpose of bonding and communicating is to reduce hostility within a relationship and within oneself. Where bonding is allowed to evolve and be nurtured, the potential for conflict is limited. Consequently, healthy bonding and communication establish peace and intimacy.

In normal relationships the strength of the physical and emotional bond tends to increase as knowledge and appreciation of each other continue to grow and blossom. Where there is freedom to mutually express ideas and beliefs, the ties that bind continue to be strengthened.

Specific communication that enhances love and affection not only stabilizes bonding but promotes security by abolishing aggression. Hosea 11:4 speaks of God's bond to us. "I led them with kindness, and love; I lifted the yoke from their neck." God nurtures his people because the bond that ties us to him never weakens. 

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May God, who helps you to endure and encourages you, give you such harmony with one another as you follow Christ Jesus that together with one voice you praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

~Romans 15:5-6 Beck – New Testament in the Language of Today 

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The Ties That Bind

Communication plays a significant part in sustaining and nurturing the ties that bind a couple together for a lifetime. The initial attraction that arranges the groundwork for bonding isn't strong enough to secure a marriage for life. This is apparent by the high rate of divorce, personal unhappiness, and relationship problems that plague marriages.

Bonding becomes the mainstay for providing the constancy required for healthy physical and emotional attachments. Bonding is nurtured by communication from the inception of a relationship and through each stage of its development. The deeper the roots of bonding, the more stable and satisfactory intimacy becomes.

Bonding opens the door for the social interaction we crave and need within the family, out to our extended family and the church family as well. The Psalmist posed an interesting question to God. "What is man that you are mindful of him?" The great mystery and privilege lies in the bonding and interacting we have with the Lord God himself.

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So then, we must always aim at those things that bring peace and that help strengthen one another.

~Romans 14:19 Good News Bible 

Do you really love life? Do you want to be happy? Then stop saying cruel things and quit telling lies. Give up your evil ways and do right, as you find and follow the road that leads to peace. The Lord watches over everyone who obeys him, and he listens to their prayers. But he opposes everyone who does evil.

~1 Peter 3:10-12 Contemporary English Version

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Build Bonds That Last

Human nature prompts us toward bonding with special people defined as family or friend. The need for bonding is never rendered null and void except in select individuals who choose to live apart from others. Physical attraction plays a major role in bringing people together, but how well they communicate will either enhance physical attraction or spoil it.

Communication determines how loving, intimate, and strong a relationship becomes. With open communication, bonding continues to be strengthened throughout a marriage or friendship. On the other hand, relationships fail if the capacity for bonding is limited by what is revealed about each other’s personality and character.

When Adam saw Eve he proclaimed, "This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." Obviously, the physical attraction included a spiritual dimension which provided bonding that would last a lifetime. Open, mature communication nurtures the bond that’s indispensable for a relationship to grow and mature. This is God's plan for a relationship.

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What a joy is it to find just the right word for the right occasion!

~Proverbs 15:23 Good News Bible

 Accept life with humility and patience, generously making allowances for each other because you love each other. Make it your aim to be at one in the Spirit, and you will be bound together in peace.

~Ephesians 4:2-3 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

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Keeping Emotions in Check

Effective communication builds a bridge to healthy family relationships, workplace success, and lasting friendships. Lack of communication leaves problems unresolved, creating a climate for negative emotions to erupt. Appropriate, beneficial communication positively affects one's frame of mind, disposition, and mood.

Improving communication skills is possible by making important personal changes. The first step is being aware of what affects you emotionally. Certain people and groups can have a negative impact on our disposition, so be alert and honest with yourself in order to utilize appropriate exits when needed.

A second step is to reveal hidden thoughts and feelings to a friend or counselor. Good, basic communication depends on patience, a clear mind, and a calm spirit. Hebrews 12:1 encourages you to "put into submission what hinders or entangles you in sin and then you can run the race of life by constantly fixing your eyes on Christ Jesus.” 

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A fool expresses all his emotions, but a wise person controls them.

~Proverbs 29:11 God’s Word Translation

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Communicate with a Calm, Clear Head

When asked, "Would you like to be a more effective communicator?" the majority of respondents answer in the affirmative. An area where most individuals say they need to improve their communication skills is one where strong emotions push voices out of bounds and the need to remain calm and in control becomes absolutely necessary.

When communications deteriorate into loud voices, with each person defensively trying to over-talk the other, attempts to listen with empathy and understanding are lost. Social skills and effective communication tend to take a back seat as powerful emotions take sway of rationality. 

An essential principle for effective communication is to exhibit a calm demeanor and a clear head when loud voices and strong emotions attempt to block interactions. Jesus  intervened when Martha was angry at Mary for not sharing the workload. Jesus asked her to focus on the important issue rather than reacting with anger. This is possible with refocusing, patience, and prayer.  

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Rash language cuts and maims, but there is healing in the words of the wise.

~Proverbs 12:18 The Message

 For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

~Matthew 12:37 English Standard Version

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Curb Criticism – Concentrate on Compliments

Providing a nice home with all the amenities is a basic priority of most families. Achieving this goal is part of the American dream along with acquiring a good job. An even more significant part of this dream is being blessed with a strong, loving family who stays together to share the joys and sorrows life is sure to bring.

So a healthy objective is creating an atmosphere of honesty and integrity where family members are free to speak with respect and openness because they feel safe and accepted. It's impossible to eradicate all criticism from every family interaction, but it’s essential to keep it to a minimum.

Curbing criticism can be achieved by concentrating on giving praise and compliments when they’re deserved. This creates an atmosphere of openness, which is an essential principle for effective communication. God's word makes it clear that those who belong to the family of the Lord Jesus Christ are loved as valued members of the family.

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They are not to speak evil of anyone; they must not be quarrelsome but reasonable, showing every consideration to all.

~Titus 3:2 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

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Don't Assume – Check for Understanding

In American culture, English is the preferred language. There are, however, a significant number of other languages spoken in the privacy of family homes. When speaking or listening to an individual from another culture who is just learning English, carefully choosing and using words in addition to thoroughly listening to what is said is imperative.

A basic principle for effective communication is being alert to the false assumption that what is spoken will be interpreted as intended. A word’s meaning may be clear and distinct, provided everyone is playing by the same rules of honesty and integrity. Beyond the surface meaning, however, words could have any number of implications.

Effective communication depends on each person knowing that what is said is actually what is meant. According to God, honest communication is convincing because it is trustworthy. Listen to God’s word from Proverbs 20:7. “The godly walk with integrity. Blessed are their children who follow  them.” You can be sure they’re watching.  

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A fool finds no satisfaction in trying to understand, for he would rather express his own opinion. 

~Proverbs 18:2 International Standard Version

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The Necessity of Integrity for Communication

A basic principle for effective communication is, never assume the meaning you ascribe to words will be in compliance with other people’s understanding. In the workplace where men and women relate to each other professionally and personally, sexual innuendoes, cursing, and dirty jokes often enter a conversation.

Most individuals in the workplace have appropriate ethics that govern their speech. Still, there can be misunderstandings regarding what is said and how words are interpreted, so make it an imperative to avoid assuming that your understanding and perspective parallel that of those who are listening.

Effective communication does not assume that similarities in the meanings of words are identical for everyone. Words may have subjective meanings relative to a person’s experience. Integrity and honesty identify God’s boundary for effective communications. Psalm 101:2 offers guidance: “Be careful to live a blameless life by leading a life of integrity.” 

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Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity than a person who is perverse in speech and is a fool. 

~Proverbs 19:1 New American Standard Bible

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Speak and Interpret Words with Integrity

A common mistake individuals tend to make is assuming there is no difference in the way words are spoken and how they’re interpreted. In addition, we assign to others the task of grasping the emotional implications of what has been verbalized. We may misread the nonverbal clue of silence as indicating agreement.

Parents have the responsibility of teaching children their language, yet we assume children learn the language by association. With adults, each word may be correctly interpreted according to context and meaning, but there can be hidden meaning that needs further explanation.

Another principle for effective communication is never assuming that words have the same meaning for each person. Honesty and integrity can’t always be known in conversations. However listen to 1 Chronicles 29:17. “I know, my God, that you examine our hearts and rejoice when you find integrity there.”  Let this always be your objective. 

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To the faithful you show yourself faithful; to those with integrity you show integrity. 

~2 Samuel 22:26 New Living Translation 

The ones who live with integrity are righteous. Their children who come after them will be happy.

~Proverbs 20:7 Holman Christian Standard Bible

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Maintain Integrity in Your Language

Maintaining integrity in the use of language is a basic principle for effective communication. This is difficult to maintain in the presence of a heated discussion. Refuting another person’s beliefs can evolve into a “must win” mentality when accompanied by strong emotions.

If integrity is diminished, efforts to prove others at fault become the basic objective. As integrity weakens, nonverbal communication may become exaggerated, as authenticated by facial expressions, a passionate voice, and the fervent gesturing of hands and arms.

Yet when each person's integrity is honored, attempts to squelch communication is a non-issue because respect for others is paramount. Integrity permits diverse opinions and even desires their expression. In this atmosphere each person feels safe to be different, which builds trust and increases the potential for deeper intimacy. God's unconditional love and care honor our individuality. Let us follow God’s example. 

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The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the perversity of the treacherous will destroy them. 

~Proverbs 11:3 New American Standard Bible

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