Is It Possible for Criticism to Offer Insight?

 Criticism is characterized as a hostile reaction to what is known to be unacceptable. The first response to criticism could be to defend yourself from an attack on your character and self-esteem rather than address specific ways to make healthy changes in your feelings and behavior.

An alternative to dishing out criticism is to offer corrections based on insight and wisdom, which might actually be accepted rather than rejected. No one is beyond needing corrections, so seek insight and wisdom for making corrections rather than becoming angry and withdrawing in silence.

Insight makes it possible to detect flaws in thinking as well as in understanding how to make healthy changes. Wisdom sees the value in changing one’s behavior and thinking. Proverbs 3:11 offers this advice: “When the Lord corrects you, pay close attention.” God desires to deliver you from trouble and sorrow because he cares for you.  

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Remember what I say and never forget it… Get wisdom and insight! ... Do not abandon [them, for they] will protect you and keep you safe.

~Proverbs 4:5-9 Good News Bible

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What Helps in Recovering from Criticism?

Alternatives to criticism are not impossible to discover when there is a receptive heart and mind. Begin by accepting that criticism’s message is that you are a failure, but an alternative to that message is believing you are capable of making modifications in your thinking and behavior.

If you are the one being criticized, acknowledge specific failures. It’s important to accept feedback where failure has occurred and to recognize definite faults in making good judgments. It’s appropriate to apologize for identifiable failures and to ask for instructions on how to improve behavior.

Owning up to major or minor failures opens the door to insight and wisdom. 

Proverbs 9:12 gives this affirmation: “You are the one who will profit if you have wisdom; and if you reject wisdom, you are the one who will suffer.” May God open your heart and mind to listen to corrections and God’s wisdom.     

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When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

~Proverbs 11:2 New International Version

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Why Is It Important Never to Tolerate Evil?

Criticism is often linked to cynicism, primarily because of the negative attitudes of a person trying to cope with the pressures and stressors of life. Cynicism projects a distrust for the motives, goodness, or sincerity of others. Triggering cynicism is a sarcastic attitude.

The message of cynicism is that people are basically bad and the only way to cope with problems is through power struggles and criticism. In this mindset it’s obvious that criticism and cynicism produce unhappiness and trouble in what could be loving relationships.

An alternative to pessimism and criticism is seeking clear, positive corrections and solutions to a negative mindset. Listen, as Psalm 101:2 provides the option. “I will behave wisely and live a pure life. I will never tolerate evil.” 

God instructs us to model his grace and mercy in place of being critical or cynical, so be careful how you live.  

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Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.

~Ephesians 5:15-16 New International Version

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What Is the Root of Criticism?

Abusive criticism, defined as domestic violence, rarely fronts headline news because of the way family abuse is perceived. However, criticism rarely if ever has a positive intent except for the one finding fault and relaying its negative message.

An alternative to criticism is correction conveyed with positive regard for the one to whom it is directed. 

Criticism projects hostility while correction suggests a “non-attack” attitude. Correction’s objective is to convey understanding and knowledge, along with wisdom.

If you’re the criticizer, ask yourself, “What is there within me that produces this need to criticize the one I am supposed to love and cherish? Does God approve of the way I manage fear, anger, and hurt feelings?” Godly wisdom conveyed by the Holy Spirit makes corrections to your thoughts and feelings so encouragement and compassion can be expressed.    

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See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and through it many become defiled.

~Hebrews 12:15 Revised Standard Version

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What's the Best Way to Help Someone Change?

Everyone knows what it’s like to be up against the cutting edge of criticism – either deserved or undeserved. Criticism’s objective is to eliminate anything that causes discomfort, including what’s perceived as threatening to one’s personal comfort and security.

It’s perfectly normal to desire that a loved one turn away from what  is detrimental to their health and wellbeing or from behaviors that could potentially damage their relationships. However, criticism does not produce desired changes because an assault on another’s personhood is out of step with love and compassion.

Criticism fails to achieve positive results because it attacks a person’s worthiness, but correction centers on the positive wellbeing of others rather than attacking them.

The Holy Spirit’s job is to correct us and save us from pain and suffering. Corrections given in love teach us how to think, for our thoughts determine our choices.  

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Fill your thoughts with my word until they penetrate deep within your spirit. Then as you unwrap my words, they will impart true life and radiant health into the very core of your being. 

~Proverbs 4:21-22 The Passion Translation

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How Is It Possible to Overcome Criticism?

Criticism cannot be separated from power struggles. In every relationship, there is a division of power, and that power is usually given according to position and responsibility. God designed the parents to share  power, while children’s influence must complement their maturity.

All power must include boundaries and guidelines for healthy living. Criticism that includes berating and insulting produces power struggles that may be impossible to reverse. People of all ages do not respond positively to criticism because it’s an assault on their personhood.

However the majority of individuals are receptive to correction when it addresses pertinent issues and engages in problem solving.

Listen to Proverbs 12:1: “To accept correction is wise, to reject it is stupid.” Ask God for wisdom, courage, and strength to accept it. Truth and honesty will overcome criticism.      

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Be honest and you show that you have reverence for the Lord; be dishonest and you show that you do not. 

~ Proverbs 14:2 Good News Bible

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How Is Criticism Disconcerting for Loving Relationships?

Criticism can be disconcerting, especially when it comes from someone you trust and love. Criticism attacks a person verbally to force them to submit emotionally and mentally. The reason criticism is not effective is that negative attacks on character and integrity create resistance.

A person may purposely instigate an argument driven by anger or fear when the primary objective is to secure power that appears to be slipping away. Since everyone has imperfections, including the criticizer, fault-finding is an attempt to dominate and influence.

An alternative to criticism is healthy discussions on the distribution of responsibilities and accountability. It takes insight and maturity to resist responding negatively to criticism. Yet God will provide these when the motive is to be a peacemaker. “So be kind to one another, tenderhearted and forgiving each other, as God in Christ has forgiven you.” 

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Above all, keep earnestly loving each other, since love covers a multitude of sins.

~1 Peter 4:8 English Standard Version

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Why Is Criticism a Bad Habit?

Is it possible for criticism to become a bad habit for coping with stressful issues? Criticism attacks a person’s character and values, so it seldom succeeds in bringing about positive change because safeguards surface to protect oneself from accusations.

Responses may range from showing anger and rage to internalizing feelings of shame and guilt.

A method for confronting the criticizer is to ask him or her to tell you specifically what you’ve done to deserve the criticism. Then listen for any truth in the criticism, and verbally acknowledge that truth.

This response indicates a willingness to talk through problems rather than argue or fight. It projects an attitude of receptiveness to being corrected. Proverbs 9:9 offers wisdom: “Instruct a wise man, and he will be wiser; teach a righteous man, and it adds to his knowledge.” Determine to be a wise person as well as righteous when responding to criticism.            

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It is never fun to be corrected. In fact, at the time it is always painful. But if we learn to obey by being corrected, we will do right and live at peace.

~Hebrews 12:11 Contemporary English Version

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What Helps Diminish a Critical Attitude?

Criticism’s objective is to identify a person’s faults that must be changed to satisfy the criticizer. Criticism becomes domestic abuse when words or physical actions diminish the fragile self of another person. Criticism damages trust, which is required for safety and security to exist in relationships.

All human beings, regardless of age or gender, possess a vulnerable self-image. One purpose of criticism is to cover up inadequacies in the criticizer. The emotional position of the criticizer is to focus on another person’s faults in an attempt to conceal their own inadequacies.

If you are given to being critical of others, ask yourself, what are my weaknesses and faults that have hung on like a dark shadow? Having a critical attitude is not God’s purpose for you. Instead, he desires for you to bless and not curse. A critical attitude diminishes as you see yourself and others as precious in God’s sight. 

     

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Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths but only such as is good for building up, as it fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

~Ephesians 4:29 English Standard Version

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What Is the Alternative to Criticism?

Domestic violence has expanded to include numerous offenses. What’s often overlooked is disparaging criticism that leaves no physical wounds but rather emotional damage that may never heal. Criticism’s purpose is to attack a person’s self-image through verbal assaults.

Everyone has been subjected to verbal abuse at some level. While criticism may not include hostile insults, irreparable damage may occur through innuendos that suggest character flaws the victim believes are true and accurate. Criticism can penetrate the vulnerable emotional shield of a child or an adult.

Jesus addressed the issue in Matthew 18:6: “If anyone should cause a child [or an adult], to lose their faith in me, it would be better for that person to have a large millstone tied around their neck and drowned in the deepest sea.” Domestic violence in any form is unacceptable to the Lord God, so ask him to send help now, today.

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Do all things without complaining or arguing, so that you may be innocent and pure as God’s perfect children, who live in a world of corrupt and sinful people.

~Philippians 2:14-15 Good News Bible

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How Damaging Is Criticism?

Over the past thirty years the definition of family violence has changed. Family violence obviously includes emotional wounds and scars that are just as damaging as physical wounds. Remember the absurd cliché, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”?

How damaging to the self can long-term, harsh criticism be on a person? Criticism damages self-esteem and self-worth as it rips apart a person’s self-image. Criticism transforms into emotional abuse when it judges a person to be unacceptable and unworthy of love and affection.

Listen to the words of Jesus: “Do not judge others so that God will not judge you, for God will judge you by the same rules you applied to others. Why then do you look at the speck in a person’s eye and pay no attention to the log in your own eye?” So show mercy and kindness, for these attributes build treasures to endure for all eternity. 

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“Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.”

~Luke 6:37 Good News Bible

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Can You Rid Yourself of Inferiority?

 Domestic violence exists in families because the offender believes the lie that physical force is the only way to settle conflicts and disputes. Another lie connected to family violence is that feelings of inferiority are caused other people. Eleanor Roosevelt stated, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

The perpetrator of family violence has to face their inferiority, which is linked closely to fear. This is difficult because it demands a change in how to cope with the pressures of life. Eleanor Roosevelt also believed, “You gain courage and confidence by doing what you think you cannot do.”

The opposite of inferiority is self-assurance, which is gained through trust in yourself and God’s word. David asked God to create in him a clean heart. God’s grace and mercy diminish the power of inferiority and replace it with faith strong enough for change. Ask God for courage to make this transition.

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I trust in God and am not afraid; I praise him for what he has promised. What can a mere human being do to me?

~Psalm 56:4 Good News Bible

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