A Bridge to Reconciliation

Concealment and withholding are effective tools for potentially controlling what happens in a relationship. Suppose your feelings were hurt in a conversation, but you were afraid to reveal your wound so you remained silent. This is a common conflict avoidance practice, especially if you’re fearful of appearing weak or ridiculous.

Concealment of hurt feelings builds a bridge to anger and sadness. Note that concealment of hurt or sad feelings often transforms into withholding affection and intimacy. Withholding is a defense device used to protect yourself from further exposure to hurt, plus a passive means of punishing another person for hurting your feelings.

Jesus gave you this encouragement: “If you have an issue with someone, go to that person and openly address the problem.” What makes this so hard is the risk of being hurt again, but to do so frees you of what you’re concealing and potentially builds a bridge to the future God has already prepared for you. Ask Christ Jesus for courage.   

From Fear to Faith

A grumpy, griping mood is a way to hold family, friends and foe at a distance. The reason for a bad mood may not be known to anyone, including the one displaying negative behaviors. The tendency to conceal negative thoughts may maintain privacy, but your true feelings can be communicated by your face, tone of voice and other kinds of body language.

Concealment is a consistently used method of controlling your situation, yet it’s difficult to completely hide what’s going on, regardless of what you may or may not verbalize. Alfred Lord Tennyson was aware of this when he wrote, “For words, like nature, have revealed, and half-concealed the soul within.”

Why not speak the truth with openness and honesty? Are you fearful of the consequences, or perhaps unprepared to risk the truth? God’s Word encourages us to speak the truth although we feel fearful. Honesty ultimately builds a bridge to stronger relationships, maybe not immediately, but as God’s purpose and will are accepted.

The Power of Letting Go

A young woman told how her former boyfriend threatened to harm her and himself if she did not comply with his wish to continue the relationship. He felt out of control, disconnected and desperate. Unfortunately, threatening behaviors build a bridge to dismantling trust, respect, and confidence.

It’s important to accept that total control over another person is impossible. Attempts to control others are built on a foundation of fear and ultimately build a bridge to desperation. God did not create robots to be ruled over by a dictator. He intended for self-control and freedom to expand as maturity and good judgement evolve.

 

What’s involved in letting go of unhealthy, unnecessary control? It requires trust and confidence in others and the Lord Jesus Christ. Christ in you produces love, joy, peace and self-control while reducing fear, anxiety and worry. These virtues of the Holy Spirit build a bridge to security which diminishes the need for unhealthy control. 

Life-Giving Trust

What image comes to mind when you hear the word control? Then consider the words power, freedom and unafraid of confrontation. Control has a healthy dimension as well as a pathological side that diminishes freedom of choice. Parents exercise a healthy control over children until they’re capable of good judgement and independence.

 

There is a fragile alliance between freedom and control, given that the alliance eventually builds a bridge toward independence, self-control and maturity. Two basic factors affect this alliance. Trust allows gradual independence for an adolescent on the way to young adulthood, and self-control implies good judgement is possible.

Life is full of situations that produce anxiety and insecurity. However, God offers us hope through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ which builds a bridge to inner peace and security. Proverbs 29:11 confirms that “A wise person keeps himself or herself under control.” With this as a consistent objective, problems are more manageable. 

Surrendering to the Savior

CONTROL is an issue every individual and family is forced to address. Control is sought directly, indirectly, passively or aggressively, and could involve a combination of any of these. This very day gang wars are fought to control a turf in our cities. Most control disputes are settled either by surrender and defeat or through negotiations.

The struggle for control in families can literally be a bridge to destruction. Control by harsh, demanding threats or physical abuse is usually a shallow victory that only reflects momentary compliance. Respect, honor and legitimate submissiveness are lost because the controller is no longer seen as trustworthy.

Control and healthy boundaries are a necessity in every social situation because of the need to establish order. However, honor and respect for others is the bridge for diminishing unnecessary control. God’s Word tells you to love one another, to be kind and gentle for this builds a bridge to healthy order in any relationship. 

Determined to Make a Difference

Victor Frankl, an Austrian psychiatrist, was arrested by the German SS during World War II because he was a Jew. He spent years in concentration camps and survived the harshest conditions. Every day, no matter how sick, oppressed or terrible his circumstances, he determined to do something good, to make his life useful by helping others.

It’s hard to comprehend the pain and suffering he experienced every day. His covenant with himself was to make every day meaningful so he could go to sleep at night believing he had been beneficial. This attitude became his bridge for survival.  I often think of Victor Frankl when I want to complain about how difficult life can be now.

God’s Word tells us Jesus endured the cross so we could be liberated from the bondage of sin and personal guilt. A wise thinker put it this way, “The paradox of liberation is that to preserve freedom and to struggle for it, one must already have freedom within.” Victor Frankl had that freedom. Jesus provides that freedom to you. 

The Holy Chain-Breaker

When I was in high school, smoking cigarettes was a habit so many male students enjoyed. This habit was also becoming trendy for young women. I became convicted about this habit when I was asked to teach a Sunday School class for young boys at the Baptist church I attended during my military service.

  

It became clear to me that cigarette addiction was incompatible with being a role model for young students and with my commitment to Jesus Christ. God’s consistent nudging enabled me to stay faithful to my choice, which also served as a bridge to a clear conscience. Deliverance from any addiction gives witness to the power of Christ to break a strong bondage.

Is a bondage like anger or lingering grief holding you hostage? Self-pity is a deterrent to experiencing hope for a bright future. The Holy Spirit will help you hope for what you have not yet achieved and at the same time give you courage that serves as a bridge for reaching what you will achieve by the power of Christ in you.