Not Succeeding When Competing

The purpose of jealousy is to hold on desperately to what might be lost. Jealousy fears being overshadowed by a competitor and seen as insignificant. Even the slightest hint of jealousy indicates that negative perceptions of oneself have begun to set off a reactive chain of behaviors that will prove unproductive.   

  

          A young woman told how her sister and brother-in-law bought the most expensive home in her neighborhood. While one part of her brain was sincerely glad such good fortune had come to her sister, another part was envious, jealous and angry. These feelings of jealousy resurrected a competitiveness that had originated in childhood.  

          It's critical that you find godly ways to express wholesome and sincere generosity toward the one of whom you feel jealous. You can be generous by expressing love and affection as well as acts of goodness which demonstrate nobleness of character. As you allow the Holy Spirit to work and use these gifts in you, jealousy will eventually diminish.

The Great Wall of Contempt

Jealous thoughts and feelings are complex and contradictory. On the surface jealousy and love seem to be interwoven together, but when love is battered with incessant jealousy, love and trust began to diminish. However, jealousy may not die along with love but continue to trouble both the carrier and the person to whom jealousy is directed.

 

Jealousy eventually builds a wall of contempt against the accuser because of incessant questioning and accusations that portray deep-seated weaknesses which are the building blocks of contempt. It's important to note that contempt is often present in both the accused and the accuser.

Weaknesses of personality create distrust and jealousy, but strength for coping with this powerful mindset is found in God's Word. Listen for a moment. "My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weaknesses." Why not let God's grace strengthen you with power to overcome your frailty? This is the channel for deliverance from the power of jealousy.

Create Jealousy: Mission Accomplished

The fact that jealousy distorts reality is well known by those whose objective is to make others feel its pain. A woman confided to her friend, “If I want my husband to get in line, all I have to do is make him jealous.” Deliberately creating jealousy is dishonest and seldom achieves a worthy goal. Deliberately creating jealousy is also sinful.

 

There’s always danger of going too far in creating jealousy. Anyone deliberately made to feel jealous will know the pain of abandonment and distrust. Distrust eventually causes love to diminish and lose its power to control. Eventually jealousy leads to revenge and permanent withdrawal from a relationship; then grief comes to all involved.

A college student recounted how she lost her boyfriend when she made him feel jealous. "All I wanted to do was make sure he loved me. Now he will not let me apologize or forgive me." Jealousy is not kind, gentle or patient. It is not filled with joy, long-suffering or self-control, but God’s love and true love include all of these. 

Distorted Reality

Jealousy distorts the way we think, feel and believe. When David killed Goliath, Saul the king appointed him to a high position in the army. As David continued to prove himself in battle and the people began to sing his praises, Saul believed David was after his kingdom. Prompted by jealousy, Saul tried to kill him on several occasions.

As Saul’s thinking patterns became distorted by jealousy, David became his enemy instead of a faithful servant who loved and honored him. Resentment allied with jealousy made it possible for the king’s mind to distort just about everything in his world. Resentment is closely related to fear, and fear adds fuel to the fire of jealousy.

Saul failed to understand that he could be loved and respected on his own merits. Galatians 5:22 encourages us to permit the Holy Spirit to diminish the impact of jealousy. The Holy Spirit's power produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Why not yield to that power now?  

Subdue the Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy is difficult to own because it's perceived as a weakness. To recognize jealousy as a weakness is to own feelings of insecurity. In the play Othello, Shakespeare labeled jealousy as a green-eyed monster. Othello killed his wife because he wrongly believed she was unfaithful. Does that sound familiar?

Jealousy is like a green-eyed monster because it distorts a person’s imagination or relationship. A man sees a stranger talking to his wife at a party. If he feels insecure, jealousy surges forth. He can only imagine what they're talking about, and it’s here where distortion becomes allied with jealousy, giving credibility to the green-eyed monster.

St. Paul teaches in Romans 13:14 to fight jealousy by clothing yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ. This means surrendering all you are and all you have to Christ Jesus, including the object of your jealousy. Then take on his virtues of love, trust, truth and humility. Only this will subdue the green-eyed monster known as jealousy. 

Where Jealousy Festers, Reconciliation Is Required

The renowned anthropologist Margaret Mead described jealousy as a festering spot in every personality that includes a negative undesirable attitude. You would think a smart achieving person would not succumb to jealousy, but everyone has areas where superiority cannot overshadow feelings of inferiority.

A friend related how astonished she was by a family member’s jealous behavior that surfaced whenever she came to visit. This friend is intelligent, a good host capable of doing whatever it takes to avoid conflict. However, when her relative came to visit, happy times evaporated as spiteful barbs and jibes were expressed.

My friend decided to e-mail her relative seeking a resolution. She spelled out what she observed to be the issue. She encouraged her relative to give suggestions for a resolution. They agreed to work toward reconciliation and forgiveness. Patience and courage were required, but knowing God would honor and bless their efforts was encouraging.

Flames of Jealousy

Saying jealousy is a strong emotion is like saying water will quench thirst. Solomon's Song of Songs describes jealousy as "unyielding as the grave. It burns like a blazing fire, like a mighty flame.” Even children use it to provoke anger or tears. Adults use it to try to reignite sagging interest in a relationship.

Jealousy can surface uninvited. A friend or colleague gets a promotion to a prestigious position. You smile, offer congratulations, but jealousy flows with a vengeance. To combat jealousy, force yourself to face the truth. Your colleague is better suited for the job. Her personality qualified her for the position.

As I accept the truth, the freer I become to let go of jealousy. When I pray sincerely for God to bless someone with success and make myself rejoice in their good fortune, the greater are my chances of finding inner peace. Warm, affectionate love and godly affirmations douse the flames of jealousy.  

Jealousy: the Opposite of Love

Jealousy can be mistaken for love, but jealousy is the opposite of love. It does not desire the well-being of someone apart from the jealous person. Jealousy demands dependency and prohibits the right to choose what is threatening that dependency. Jealousy’s objective is to triumph over what’s threatening.

Jealously is two-faced. One side presents a heart of love. The other side permits anger and rage to take control. This split was reflected in O.J. Simpson's statement concerning his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson's death. He said, "Let's say I committed this crime. Even if I did it, it was because I loved her, right?”

Jealousy is not love. "Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love is not rude, nor self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." Jealously and love are not the same. 

God's Jealousy Gives Freedom

Some people rationalize their jealousy by saying God can be jealous, as Exodus 20:5 testifies: "I am a jealous God." Psalm 79:5 questions, "How long, O Lord, will your jealousy burn like fire?” While God is capable of jealousy, he manages it so that only his perfect will is acknowledged.

When God experiences jealousy, he does not feel threatened. God is all-powerful, all-caring and all-loving without flaws. Jealousy in human beings can be sinful to the core, for jealousy refuses to accept the rights of others to think, feel and behave differently.

Conversely, God's love permits us to choose differently from his plan and purpose for us. Our jealousy is in direct conflict with another person's freedom to choose to be different from what our jealousy demands. As God gives us freedom, he expects us to extend that freedom to others. This is possible only as we trust Christ Jesus to give us confidence and faith.

Let It Go – Let God Repay

Jealousy interferes with the capacity to think logically, for its motives are wrong and sinful. Rachel desperately wanted children, so she gave her maidservant Bilhah to her husband Jacob as a surrogate wife to have children in her place. In the strictest sense, this was permissible according to the ethics of the day. Spiritually, it was not acceptable because anger and jealousy existed in Rachel’s heart for her sister Leah.

Rachel wanted to get even with Leah, so when Bilhah conceived and gave birth to two sons, Rachel proclaimed God had heard her plea. However, when jealousy is the motivating factor behind any behavior, God does not approve.

Jealousy overrules love and logic. If jealousy is occupying a place in your heart, let it go by asking God to bless the person that’s the object of the jealousy. This is how you turn it over to God. He emphatically states: "Vengeance is mine. I will repay." Believe God and trust Him.

Chasing the Winds of Jealousy and Envy

The pursuit of jealousy’s demands is comparable to chasing the wind. Can you imagine someone chasing the wind, trying to capture it for some emotional purpose? Solomon observed that "all labor and all achievements spring from man's jealousy of his neighbors." He added, “This is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.” 

Rachel's jealousy pushed her to outdo her sister, win at any cost, even destroying the bond of love that may have existed. Jealousy moves in progressive steps, spiraling ever upward, gaining intensity and power over rational and sensible thinking. When jealousy spirals into rage, turning back may become impossible.

It's critical to get immediate control of jealousy. Jealousy can be managed, so never let the sun go down harboring it in your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge its presence and root by confessing it, then repent and turn away from it. Seek forgiveness by turning it over to God. He will heal you of this sickness.

 

I Demand to Win!

Jealousy's demands are powerful enough to be destructive. The news media features distraught individuals who in a state of rage kill someone because they want what they cannot have. Objectivity is lost when the jealous person believes the heart, soul, mind and body of another person belong to them. 

          Jealousy demands satisfaction no matter how absurd the demand may be. The goal is to win by causing hurt and pain to others. Rachel was barren but determined to have children by whatever means possible. She felt overshadowed by her sister Leah, so she gave Bilhah her maid-servant to Jacob to have children in her place.

          When Bilhah gave birth to two baby boys, Rachel clearly identified her jealousy. Listen as she justifies her actions and feelings: "God has vindicated me. He has listened to my plea. I had a great struggle with my sister and I have won.” Jealousy does not care about other people’s rights, making it contrary to God's plan and purpose. 

Jealousy's Grip

Jealousy serves many purposes, and most are basically negative. It's possible that every person will stoop to jealousy. The reason is that no one's self-esteem is perfect, so self-esteem parallels the degree of jealousy felt and acted upon. Cain killed his brother Abel because Abel’s offering was acceptable to God, while his was rejected.

  

If Cain's self-esteem had been healthier, perhaps he could have asked his brother to help him understand what he needed to do to make himself acceptable to God. Jealousy is dangerous because it can set you on a course of behavior that is irreversible. When objectivity is lost, a person is at the mercy of raw instincts and emotions.

In a fit of jealousy Rachel lost her objectivity and blamed Jacob because she was unable to become pregnant, which hurt and angered Jacob. Think clearly about jealousy’s demands and release those demands to the Lord God. Do it until you are released from jealousy. You will feel at peace with God, yourself and others.