Making Peace with Yourself

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus addressed the issue of moral and spiritual responsibility with a call to righteous and ethical living. Knowing conflict is unavoidable, Jesus presented an alternative in Matthew 5:9 by stating, "Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God." 

The opposite of peace is chaos, turmoil and confusion brought on by envy, jealousy and hatred. Jesus challenges every believer to be a peacemaker even when the task seems overwhelming. Diane Katz in her book, Making Peace with Yourself and Others, believes you must first make peace with yourself before branching out to others.

When Hezekiah, king of Judah, was about thirty-seven years old, he became so sick, death seemed imminent. Isaiah the prophet came to his bedside and advised him to "get his house in order" by making peace with himself and God. Making peace is accomplished by confessing to God every sin, followed by repenting and making amends. Now go and correct whatever is wrong in your life.  

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Happy are those whose sins are forgiven, whose wrongs are pardoned.

When I did not confess my sins, I was worn out from crying all day long.

Then I confessed my sins to you; I did not conceal my wrongdoings.

I decided to confess them to you, and you forgave all my sins.

~Psalms 32:1,3,5 Good News Bible

Jesus: “I have told you these things, that you through union with me may have peace. In the world you have trouble; but be courageous! I have conquered the world.”

John 16:33 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

Weighted Down with Anxieties? Wait on God

How conflict is managed, whether interpersonal or internal, is directly related to each person’s maturity level. Our emotions and thoughts have a significant bearing on how conflict is resolved. Internal conflict can produce feelings of being pulled in opposite directions simultaneously and then can become increasingly difficult to tolerate.

The most prominent feeling accompanying internal conflict is anxiety, indicating lack of clarity on how to proceed. Internal conflict is capable of producing fear and doubt or even guilt. If a person is given to demanding instant gratification, feelings of anxiety, fear and guilt can make attempts at self-restraint useless.

However, the more emotionally and spiritually mature we become, the more capable we are for managing conflict from any source. As we wait and endure, instead of acting impulsively, we become more capable of understanding God’s purpose for us. Jesus encouraged his disciples to wait for the Holy Spirit’s presence to empower them for God’s purpose.  

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So humble yourselves under God’s strong hand, and in his own good time he will lift you up. You can throw the whole weight of your anxieties upon him, for you are his personal concern.

~1 Peter 5:6-7 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

Self-Regulate! Don't Crowd the Edge

The majority of human beings intuitively know when they’re crowding the edge of what is healthy and acceptable. Self-regulation, or self-control, is a boundary marker designed to keep us within the limits of acceptable behavior. Competent self-regulation is dependent on our mental and emotional state to facilitate responsible choices.

Healthy self-control involves more than refraining from behaving in ways that are on the edge. So the more emotionally threatened you feel at any moment determines the accuracy of your judgments. Self-regulating what you think and how you talk is critical to believing you are emotionally unwavering in common sense.

Self-regulating requires exercising constraints rather than rushing forward without considering the consequences. Psalm 37:7 tells us to “be patient and wait for the Lord to act. Don’t be envious of evil people who seem to succeed in their evil ways.” Jesus was constantly waiting and encouraging his disciples to wait for God’s perfect timing. 

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While [Jesus] was still with them, he said: “Don’t leave Jerusalem yet. Wait here for the Father to give you the Holy Spirit, just as I told you he has promised to do.”

~Acts 1:4 Contemporary English Version

And let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get discouraged and give up.

~Galatians 6:9 The Living Bible

Intentions, Actions and Regulating Ourselves

The teacher of a Bible study class asked his students, "Would you rather be judged on your intentions or your actions?” Without exception, each student chose intentions because it’s easier to explain failure for specific choices. Stories abound of college freshman becoming sidetracked by distractions that sabotaged their intentions.  

High-school graduates planning to attend college do so with intentions of qualifying for a satisfying career. However, many beginning freshman fail to graduate four years later. The key component that determines success for those who do graduate is regulating their social activities and study habits.

Self-control is essential for achieving goals that determine future happiness. Regulating thoughts, feelings and actions is imperative for staying focused on intentions. Romans 12:11 encourages you to “Never give up. Eagerly follow the Holy Spirit and serve the Lord so your hope will make you glad.” The Holy Spirit provides patience and self-control.  

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And we desire each one of you to continue to show the same earnestness to the very end, that you may enjoy your hope to the fullest, so that you may not grow careless, but may follow the example of those who through their faith and patient endurance are now possessors of the blessings promised.

~Hebrews 6:11-12 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

Success OR Failure: Engage Self-Control!

Self-control determines our success or failure. Many individuals are tempted to give up when engaging in powerful habits and tempting distractions, blaming their lack of willpower to stay focused and faithful. Self-regulating is a difficult test Christians will encounter in their walk with Christ Jesus.

 

Listen to Romans 7:21 as the Apostle Paul struggles with self-control: “It seems a matter of fact that when I want to do what is right, I predictably do what is wrong. I love to do God’s will; but there is something within me that is at war with my mind and makes me a slave to sin." Does this mean he lacked the strength to resist?

Evidently not. Paul also declared, "I press on toward the goal to win the prize of the high calling in Jesus Christ."  Yes, it took endurance and self-regulation which were imperfect, but still he stayed focused on God’s purpose for him. The fruit of the Spirit is self-control, so engage it each moment of each day as you seek God’s purpose for yourself.  

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For when the way is rough, your patience has a chance to grow. So let it grow and don’t try to squirm out of your problems. For when your patience is finally in full bloom, then you will be ready for anything, strong in character, full and complete.

~James 1:3-4 The Living Bible

God's Grace Saves Us from Ourselves

Every individual is subject to weaknesses in life, which can be the source of sorrow and regret. Internal conflict demands difficult choices that may leave you feeling frustrated and defeated in mind and spirit. That God does not promise us freedom from tests and temptations can be troubling. 

Abraham, the Old Testament patriarch, failed to successfully manage his internal impulses concerning his wife Sarah. The compulsion to please Sarah when she pressured him to have a child with her maidservant, rather than trusting in God’s promise, would affect his peace and well-being for the rest of his life.

Like us, Abraham failed at regulating his thoughts and behaviors. This does not mean God has abandoned us when we fail to self-regulate. Unavoidable trials and temptations can strengthen our confidence and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. To realize God’s grace is sufficient to save us from defeat instills courage to press onward toward his purpose for us. 

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 [Christ’s] reply has been, “My grace is enough for you; for where there is weakness, my power is shown more completely.” Therefore I have cheerfully made up my mind to be proud of my weaknesses, because they mean a deeper experience of the power of Christ.

~2 Corinthians 12:9 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

Gaining Internal Control

One fruit of the Spirit the apostle Paul listed in Galatians 5:22-23 is self-control. Everyone struggles with self-control in some area of life ranging from an insatiable appetite to unwanted thoughts. Self-regulating is one of the most difficult battles Christians struggle with, for this issue sheds light on unresolved internal conflicts within each person.

Jesus promised to send the Holy Spirit to help us with our infirmities and weaknesses. This does not mean he will remove them but will help us gain control over their power to hold us captive. One internal conflict is the impulse to give in rather than sustain a strong, vigilant battle against what plagues us.

God promises that “no temptation will seize you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand against it and retain the joy of your salvation.”  

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It is an agonizing situation, and who can set me free from the prison of this mortal body? I thank God there is a way out through Jesus Christ our Lord.

~Romans 7:24-25 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

Resolving the Conflict Within

Many books have been written on the topic of midlife crisis, which both men and women may potentially experience. Midlife is referred to as the years between thirty-five and fifty-five. At this point in adult development, one’s identity may seem to lose its cohesion and result in the loss of satisfaction with earlier important choices. 

The cause for this unrest is often identified as unresolved, internal conflicts that have accumulated. Resolving internal conflict necessitates deciding between one’s previous and present life choices or a skewed perception of what the future holds. The consequence for not choosing well could be extended periods of regret and unhappiness. 

 

             A midlife crisis may lead to searching for what promises to alleviate the distress of one’s existence. This is a good place to be, for now constructive choices for healthy change can take place. The impact of previous choices cannot be avoided, but pressing onward to rebuild one's life is possible. Call on God and he will help you.  

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May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in your faith, that by the power of the Holy Spirit, your whole life and outlook may be radiant with hope.

~Romans 15:13 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

Christ, Crucified and Alive in Us

Internal conflict differs from struggles between individuals. Internal conflicts that go unresolved will predictably surface at a later place and time. This happens because a particular struggle has been too painful to talk or think about. Although out of mind for a while, it has the power to surface and to influence daily life.

Lisa couldn’t wait to leave home for college. She chose a university that was as far away as possible. She grew up feeling overly protected. Her parents did not trust her to make good choices, to the point of being overbearing. Their control created in Lisa anger and fear which she could not express.

Arriving at college, she threw caution to the wind for a carefree lifestyle. Eventually, Lisa became so unhappy she was forced to address the anger and sadness she had stuffed away. While it's difficult to work out such pain and suffering, with God's help and the love and trust of caring people, a new purpose and direction for life can be discovered.

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 Jesus said,“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me.”

~John 14:1 New Living Translation    

I died on the cross with Christ. And my present life is not that of the old “I”, but the living Christ within me. The bodily life I now live, I live believing in the Son of God who loved me and sacrificed himself for me.

~Galatians 2:20 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English     

Christ, Foundation for a Lifetime

Conflicts exist because of differences in values between individuals. Conflict occurs within a person when a clash of values exists and the choices present a win-lose situation regardless of what is chosen. An important objective of parenting is to teach children values that clearly demonstrate what is right and what is wrong.

God instructs parents in Exodus 19 to "fix the ten commandments in their hearts and minds so they can talk to their children about what God expects. Teach them God’s way to live so their days may be long upon the earth." These verses emphasize giving children God’s frame of reference for facing temptation and the trials of life.

Internal conflict can be managed successfully where there's a foundation built on God's word. Talk to your children about God's commandments as you drive them to activities, while eating your meals and when you tuck them into bed. Read God’s word aloud to build character that lasts a lifetime.  

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He planted a witness in Jacob, set his Word firmly in Israel,

Then commanded our parents to teach it to their children

So the next generation would know, and all the generations to come –

Know the truth and tell the stories so their children can trust in God,

Never forget the works of God but keep his commands to the letter.

~Psalm 78:5-7 The Message

But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me, and don’t try to stop them! People who are like these children belong in God’s kingdom.”

~Matthew 19:14 Contemporary English Version

Christ, a Calming Voice in Our Storms

Conflict is a normal part of living within hurried lifestyles that allocate little time for listening to and understanding one another. People draw close where there is time for fun, communication and opportunities to get to know each other. Yet over time, unresolved conflict may systematically diminish the effort to build unity of heart and soul.

Although conflict exists between family members, it should not become destructive. Make a covenant with family members that disputes will be settled to benefit everyone involved. Take responsibility early for anger and frustration because these powerful emotions become fuel to set off emotional explosions.

Identify these feelings and their root cause. This is God’s way for managing disputes rather than demeaning or criticizing others. Proverbs 15:18 reminds us that “Hot tempers stir up strife but being slow to anger calms a dispute.” Ask each family member to propose resolutions to problems. Be open to viewing others as God sees them. 

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A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words cause quarrels. The Lord is watching everywhere and keeps his eye on both the evil and the good. Gentle words cause life and health; griping brings discouragement.

~Proverbs 15:1,3-4 The Living Bible

Jesus got up and ordered the wind and the waves to be quiet. The wind stopped, and everything was calm. Jesus asked the disciples, “Why were you afraid? Don’t you have any faith?”

~Mark 4:39-40 Contemporary English Version

Christ, Our Living Peace

Conflict can damage the fabric that holds a family together when troubles become destructive, causing family members to lose love, trust and respect for each other. Differences in temperament and personality generate opposing objectives and goals. However, if mutual love, trust and respect exist, differences should not create hostility and alienation.

One significant reality experienced in relationships is that people will over time devise opposing goals. Nevertheless, if mutual love for God and each other is present, personal goals and ambitions can be explored without fear of belittlement. Respect permits each person to be unique in their perceptions of how they fit into the world. 

It’s imperative to understand that lack of trust promotes conflict. Lack of trust accounts for shattered relationships because simple trust reflects integrity, honesty and moral conduct. Trust in Christ Jesus is central to building a peaceful, healthy atmosphere where conflicts can be managed in ways that strengthen your relationships and your faith.  

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For Christ is our living peace. He has made us both one by breaking down the barrier and enmity which lay between us. By his sacrifice he removed the hostility of the Law, with all its commandments and rules.

~Ephesians 2:14-15 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.
~2 Thessalonians 3:16 New International Version

Christ, an Anchor for Our Souls

Our strongest and most enduring drive is the will to live a healthy, long life. Paralleling the will to live is the drive to achieve and have children, who become our family and legacy. We strive to help our children develop character traits and values that contribute to the well-being of society and the good earth.

Achieving these goals often becomes the source for conflict. While it's difficult to understand what provokes conflict, we can certainly realize its presence and power. Conflict will frequently focus on unmet needs and expectations. Families typically expect each member to be thoroughly mature and responsible but disappointingly discover it isn’t true.

Time and change determine if expectations will be met. When expectations fail and discouragement abounds, our hope still can be anchored in the giver of all life, the Lord Jesus Christ.  He is “the way, the truth, and the life,” meaning Jesus will provide resolutions to whatever conflict you have to face. Attach your faith to this truth.  

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God cannot tell lies! And so his promises and vows are two things that can never be changed. We have run to God for safety. Now his promises should greatly encourage us to take hold of the hope that is right in front of us. This hope is like a firm and steady anchor for our souls.

~Hebrews 6:18-19 Contemporary English Version