Do Childish and Immature Behaviors Fracture Relationships?

We as children learn to make excuses for bad choices and behavior to avoid punishment even while realizing punishment is deserved and justified. Excuses are an attempt to escape the guilt and shame that reminds us personal values have been violated.

The Apostle Paul stepped outside of excuse-making by declaring, “When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” Paul was taking responsibility for past immature choices.

Childish and immature behaviors are responsible for fractured and broken relationships. 

Turning away from childish behaviors is difficult, but with God’s help, it is possible. Ask yourself, “What is the mature, godly thing to do now?” Ask God for insight, courage, and the resolve to heal your relationship. Examine yourself and if you are serious, God will respond.                    

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For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.

~Ecclesiastes 12:14 New International Version

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How Do An Apology and Confession Affect Reconciliation?

Spiritually, reconciliation means to be made right with God. It’s not what we do but what Jesus did on the cross that makes it certain. In relationships reconciliation means to be made right with each other – to end hostilities and agree to live in peace.

Broken and fractured relationships need reconciliation, but first a desire for reconciliation must exist in those who created the emotional and physical suffering. That means that some anxiety about the future will have to coexist with hope for a new beginning.

Past behaviors must be forgiven to prevent sabotaging possibilities for repairing the relationship. Taking responsibility for immature behaviors is an essential part of confession and apologizing, and it makes reconciliation promising. 

God helps you clean the slate, as he washed you clean through forgiveness. This is required for possibly restoring a fractured and broken relationship.                  

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Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

~Galatians 6:7-9 New International Version

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What Helps a Marriage Move from Conflict to Resolution?

What couple would commit to a marriage believing divorce was definitely in their future? Instead, couples take this covenant step with confidence their marriage will last a lifetime. The majority of divorces reflect a fractured relationship that could have been saved.

It has been noted that as soon as the honeymoon is over, real differences in personalities and expectations will surface. Yet most couples compromise and accept each other’s imperfections.  Their love and commitment to each other give birth to a lasting bond.

What helps couples move from conflict to resolution is realizing that happiness includes sacrifice by each individual. 

To love your husband or wife as Christ loved the church is an awesome responsibility and privilege. Christ Jesus provides strength and the will to endure, but that must include an attitude that promises to never give up. So give thanks to Christ, and then continuously act out your thanksgiving.                   

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God will bless you if you don’t give up when your faith is being tested. He will reward you with a glorious life, just as he rewards everyone that loves him.

~James 1:12 Contemporary English Version

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Is It Possible to Purge Oneself of Hatred?

It’s within human nature to hate what causes suffering and pain. Hatred is powerful because of the social and spiritual stigma it fosters. Hatred does more damage to the one harboring it than to those to whom it is directed.

This truth, unfortunately, does little to convince the one nursing hatred to let it go and permit God to do his work. Hatred can cause a marriage to fail and drive a wedge between parents and children during and after divorce proceedings. Parents often use children to punish the ex-spouse.

Fractured and broken parents should never use their children as conveyers of punishment. 1 John 2:11 tells us if we permit hatred to take possession of us, we live in darkness, which implies the blessings of God will be absent from us, for God is light. In God there can be no darkness. 

Hatred conveys darkness and destruction, but forgiveness imparts healing and the blessing of God’s presence.                            

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Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ Jesus.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Contemporary English Version

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How Severely Does Divorce Affect Children?

Divorce has been a spiritual, moral, and legal issue for thousands of years because the husband or wife or both decided against the marriage. Those seeking a divorce believe they made a mistake by permitting themselves to be chosen as a marriage partner.

A fractured and broken marriage negatively affects children, but it’s a fact that some children suffer more than others, which can drive a wedge between a parent and child that may endure for years. This happens when children are used as tools for punishing the other parent.

I realize that divorce causes everyone to experience the pain of grief when those involved willingly get stuck in anger and hatred. Intentionally driving a wedge between a parent and child is an offence that boomerangs on the perpetrator. Escaping this temptation can be done by permitting God to use the pain of grief and suffering to bring about his purpose for each person. Trust that God’s way is best.

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The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

~Psalm 34:18 New International Version

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Is It Appropriate for Children to Grieve?

Every family is impacted by divorce, whether personally or by friends or the extended family. In our society divorce demonstrates what happens as a consequence of fractured and broken individuals. Children become emotionally wounded by parental choices.

The reasons for divorce are numerous, and those making this choice feel justified in their decision. The ones left in the wake of divorce may initially feel more devastated than the one deciding to separate. Every participant will go through the stages of grief.

Children can be neglected during the chaos of divorce, but children are as burdened by the disruption as are adults. A child’s grief isn’t unlike what adults experience although they may be too young to express it. Jesus will enable you to care for your children, so do not fail to recognize and comfort your children during their grief. 

God blesses those who grieve. He will comfort them.                            

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Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our…momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but on what is unseen is eternal.  

~2 Corinthians 4:16-18 New International Version

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What Happens When Forgiveness Isn't Permitted Expression?

Most parents teach their children to refrain from holding grudges against their siblings or friends, but letting go of hurt feelings is difficult. A grudge is similar to resentment and bitterness. Suppressing these feelings prevents reconciliation from taking place.

Reliving past injuries happens when acceptable solutions remain out of bounds. In truth, most individuals seek compensation from those who inflict physical or emotional harm by demanding their contrition, apologies, or that they make amends.

If a resolution seems impossible, then internalizing anger, disappointment, and sadness is inevitable. This leads periodically to reliving the past. God does not intend for his people to hold grudges, for they are the pathway to diminished happiness. 

Forgiving others makes it possible for God to create in you a clean heart. This is possible with God’s help and your permission. “Blessed are the peacemakers. God will call them his children.”                   

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But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

~Isaiah 53:5 New International Version

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What Lies at the Center of God's Promise to Heal You?

Healing from emotional wounds that were created in a fractured or broken relationship is possible, provided time and patience are permitted to be a part of the process. Pain, whether physical or emotional, is not easily tolerated so it’s natural to expect relief.

It’s impossible for children to get through childhood and adolescence without sustaining minor and serious physical injuries, although these heal and are mentally stored away. Likewise, emotional injuries and wounds ranging from serious to devastating are also experienced.

At the center of recovery is forgiveness, so all efforts to give and receive forgiveness must be honored and treasured along with a strong commitment to make significant life changes. 

God in Psalm 147:3 promises to heal the brokenhearted. In Jeremiah 30:17 God restates: “I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal.” Praise God for such good news!                        

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Let us, then, always offer praise to God as our sacrifice through Jesus Christ…Do not forget to do good and to help one another, because these are the sacrifices that please God.

~Hebrews 13:15-16 Good News Bible

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What Role Does Attitude Play in Fractured Relationships?

Broken relationships are a fact of life. Whether people can resolve conflicts and heal emotional wounds depends on each person admitting complicity and taking responsibility to change. What stands out as a determining factor is each person’s attitude.

Attitude is influenced by a person’s temperament, personality, and experiences. Attitude cannot be separated from long-term spiritual, social, and political views. Attitude includes your personal disposition, feelings, and opinions about every aspect of life.

That attitudes play a significant role in a fractured relationship is obvious and determines if reconciliation is possible. Prompted by the Holy Spirit, an attitude can be modified or radically changed. 

Reconciliation is possible when healing emotional and spiritual wounds is a priority. God’s word reminds us Jesus came to "bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted and proclaim freedom for the captive," regardless of how bondage is defined.

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Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it  does not rejoice at wrongs but rejoices in the [truth]. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...

~1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Revised Standard Version

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When IS Communication the Pathway to Understanding?

The primary cause for most fractured or broken relationships is failure of communication. This implies the significance of understanding and accepting the other person's need to share something important. Lack of understanding is often attributed to the failure to listen.

Failure to communicate is observed where every misdeed from the past is hurled at each other. In these attempts to communicate, issues become obscured by unresolved problems. Refusing to talk is to deny problems exist and eventually cause relationship failure.

If you want to be understood, communication is a necessary tool that makes it happen. Failure to communicate is the pathway to isolation, grief, and loneliness; however, God has given you a voice. Yet how you speak or if you speak is a choice God allows you to make. Sincere love and truthful communication are the means for restoring and healing a fractured or broken relationship.

    

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If I dispose of all that I possess, yes, even if I give my own body to be burned, but have no love, I achieve precisely nothing.

~1 Corinthians 13:3 Phillips – New Testament In Modern English

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Are Mutual Understanding and Forgiveness Absolute Needs?

How well do you communicate? Of all the issues that fracture and cause relationship failure, lack of healthy communication is the number one issue. Failure in communication is responsible for not understanding another person’s feelings, thoughts, and needs.

A relationship fractures when two people are not equally yoked in their ability to communicate. Each person experiences frustration, then becomes unapproachable emotionally and withdraws physically. The body language of silence is powerful in its effectiveness.

Failure to communicate causes relationship failure, yet it is possible to speak so problems are solved and intimacy restored. Isaiah 1:18 offers hope: “‘Come now, let us reason together,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are red as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are as crimson, they shall be as wool.’” The challenge is for mutual understanding and forgiveness to provide restoration and healing.

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If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

~1 Corinthians 13:2 Revised Standard Version

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How Can I Keep from Rushing to Judge Others?

When a relationship fails, the questions everyone asks are, “Who was at fault? Who is to blame?” Friends and relatives choose sides because it’s difficult to remain neutral. By being impartial, it becomes possible to understand how each person participated in the relationship’s demise.

A relationship can fracture very early due to the baggage one or both people bring to the relationship. So what defines baggage? It refers to emotional wounds inflicted by past experiences that now make it difficult to trust and be vulnerable as God intended.

If that sounds hopeless, remember, with God all things are possible.Do not rush to judgment just to place blame, for “all have sinned and come short of God’s glory.” 

Ask yourself: “What does God want me to learn about how I function or communicate in relationships that contribute to failure to bond and attach?" Be still and listen to God as you wait. Pray for his help.             

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What if I could speak all the languages of humans and angels? If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

~1 Corinthians 13:1 Contemporary English Version 

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What Sacrifices Are You Willing to Make for Peace?

Restoring a relationship that has been fractured can be difficult when hurt feelings and anger have evolved into resentment. A fractured relationship can evolve over what seems to one person a simple mistake, but to someone else it was designed to cause pain and suffering.

Deuteronomy 17:2 speaks of breaking your covenant with God by choosing to sin. While God is patient and will wait for you to turn back to him, there are consequences to be faced. Grief and sadness stem from fractured and broken relationships.

Admitting and confessing fault includes acknowledging attitudes and behavior patterns that must change if restoration is be renewed. God’s word reminds us that a broken and contrite heart is a sacrifice God will not reject. So sincerely recognizing and owning up to failure, then confessing and asking to be forgiven are sacrifices God and most other human beings find acceptable.           

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He, [God,] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

~Psalm 147:3 New International Version

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Does a Fractured Relationship Exist in Your Life?

Fractured or broken relationships cannot be completely avoided because differences in personality and temperament spark rivalries and conflicts. Diverging political and religious beliefs cause tempers to flare and argument to blaze out of control.

Friendships and families can be torn apart over issues that have no lasting value. Yet in a moment of intense anger and hurt feelings, nothing seems more important than saying what you think and feel, even if it means leaving a relationship in shambles and permanently fractured.

Repairing fractured relationships is possible, provided each person is receptive to realizing important sacrifices have to be made, including being open to admitting personal faults. 

Differences need not rupture family ties or a friendship if respect and trust are valued above all else. Remember, God gave up Jesus as a sacrifice so a fractured relationship between himself and you could be repaired.                            

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Don’t do anything from selfish ambition or from a cheap desire to boast, but be humble toward one another, always considering others better than yourself. And look out for another’s interests, not just for your own.

~Philippians 2:3-4 Good News Bible

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What Weakens Emotional Ties Within Families?

It’s impossible to engage in relationships and escape experiencing conflict. In the worst case, conflict and strife fracture the ties that bind people together. The Bible in Genesis tells the story of Cain, who permitted strife and jealousy to escalate to the point where he murdered his brother, Abel.

God never intended for strife to become so out of bounds that it overshadows the bonds of loyalty. Escalation of arguments are an ill-faded attempt to close the emotional distance that is so threatening. What breaks the bond that binds a relationship together is loss of trust.

Essential to mending or repairing a relationship is the mutual desire to understand what is possible in terms of realistic expectations. Taking responsibility for being the cause or perpetuating conflict is essential to restoration. 

Search your heart and be open to the truth God longs to instill in you. It is possible for confession to bring forgiveness and peace.  

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Don’t turn away from God’s Spirit…Put everything to the test. Accept what is good and don’t have anything to do with evil.

~1 Thessalonians 5:19-22 Contemporary English Version

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What Attibutes Motivate Healing for Families?

Facing a crisis with a child is an issue parents hope will never occur, yet children endure accidents and health problems that are unavoidable. Some experience emotional problems because of strife in the home that indicates a fractured relationship between the parents or a child.

A crisis may stem from current issues or be connected to the past but kept secret and now expressed in behavioral problems. Physical or sexual abuse, either currently taking place or from the past, may create undeniable grief for a child or the entire family.

A crisis can be motivation for healing the wounds from the past by initiating efforts to repair broken relationships. How can this be possible when so much damage has been inflicted? It’s amazing the extent loyalty and attachment play in the healing process. Loyalty and attachment are attributes God built into human nature and can be the main components for repairing relationships. Press on toward what is possible. 

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I pray that God, who gives peace, will make you completely holy. And may your spirit, soul, and body be kept healthy and faultless until our Lord Jesus Christ returns.

~1Thessalonians 5:23 Contemporary English Version

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Can a Breach of Trust, Respect, and Loyalty Be Healed?

A parent-to-child relationship can be severely fractured by improper behavior displayed from the parent and absorbed by the child. What comes to mind is sexual misconduct directed toward a child. In fact, this shameful act is more prevalent than reported.

That breach of trust, respect, and loyalty creates an emotional crisis experienced by the child when the safe attachment between the parent and child has been betrayed. Being unable to report what has happened, a child becomes emotionally isolated by this powerful secret.

The isolation a child feels is compounded when the other parent refuses to believe or blames the child for the parent’s behavior. Can this damage be repaired? God’s word reminds us that where sincere remorse and repentance are expressed, healing is possible. Time must be allowed for grief to follow its stages. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who grieve, for they will be comforted." 

The Great Physician can heal you.        

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And may God, the source of patience and encouragement, enable you to have the same point of view among yourselves by following the example of Christ Jesus.

~Romans 15:5 Good News Bible

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How Can Fractured Relationships Be Repaired?

Children from every socioeconomic level experience fractured or broken relationships. These could range from conflict with a friend to losing a parent by divorce, separation, or death. Divorced parents remarry and move away so that visitation becomes sporadic or stops completely.

Repairing fractured or broken relationships is not easy. 

Mending and healing are dependent on the extent of the suffering experienced and the length of time these wounds have festered. What may be interpreted as minor to a parent can be major for a child.

A prerequisite to repairing a broken or wounded relationship is restoring commitment and loyalty. These are manifestations of trustworthiness. Listen to Proverbs 3:3: “Never let go of loyalty and faithfulness. Tie them around your neck and write them on your heart.” Ask God to help you be willing to forgive those who hurt you, for that is essential to God’s forgiving you.                     

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Whoever pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity, and honor.

~Proverbs 21:21 New International Version

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Why Is Patience a Necessity for Parenting?

There are specific reasons why parents fail to bond with a child. Preoccupation with a career, a troubled marriage, or lack of interest identify several bonding failures. Constructing inroads for reconnecting positively with a child may require specific sacrifices.

Parents who are separated from a child by abandonment or divorce can begin to gradually reconnect with their child. Accepting that barriers will arise is to be expected. Small steps and minimal expectations are required to prevent triggering sabotage.

Feeling anxious is normal but it can promote being apprehensive. So patience is necessary, and what keeps patience active is remembering the objective is to create a new relationship at a pace that’s deliberately slow. 

Patience and self-control are gifts from God, so be receptive and thankful for what he provides. His provisions are always adequate.                    

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If you love me, you will obey my commandments. I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, who will stay with you forever. He is the Spirit, who reveals the truth about God.

~John 14:15-17 Good News Bible

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How Does Proper Bonding Promote Trust?

How well do you know your children? I’ve heard parents explain how uneasy they felt taking care of an infant or toddler. As children advance in age and master a preferred language, the parent’s comfort zone extends considerably.

In a rushed society, experiencing the blessing of realistically getting to know your child thoroughly in each developmental stage is limited. God designed these stages to be windows of opportunity for understanding and bonding with your child. Knowing your child includes being aware of how they think and how they feel.

Bonding provides children with confidence their parents are trustworthy and dependable. It’s comparable to feeling bonded with God where you trust him to provide for all your needs because he loves you without hesitation. 

By giving yourself permission to love God with all your heart, soul, and strength, trust will grow for you give him first place in everything. Bonding thrives when God is present.

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[Jesus] walked away, perhaps a stone’s throw, and knelt down and prayed… “Father, if you are willing, please take away this cup [of suffering] from me. But I want your will, not mine.” Then an angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.

~Luke 22:41-43 The Living Bible

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Are You Faithful in Communicating with God?

This is the second day of the New Year, and 363 days are in front of you to thrive and achieve all that God has in store for you. Yet you are destined to face some uncertainties. You can confront uncertainty by placing your future into God’s care.

It's quite natural to experience anxiety, given the state of world affairs, our economy, and groups of people who love to create confusion and chaos. Yet, God summons you to look expectantly to him and receive the calmness and security he willingly provides.

God’s grace and mercy give you the tenacity to cope with whatever you  encounter, and that assurance originates from communicating with God in prayer. Communicating with God includes listening to his response by being still in body, mind, and spirit. 

Jesus did this by finding a calm, quite place to unite with God his Father. You have that same privilege. Do it now. Happy New Year!       

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This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.

~1 John 5:14 New International Version

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