What Is Objectionable About Being a Servant?

Whether work is perceived as fulfilling and purposeful or as drudgery and entrapment is a choice. Fellow employees and supervisors may be viewed with contempt and resentment or as individuals God has placed in my life to teach me how to be a servant.

The idea of being a servant may be hard to swallow because both our goal and attitude are to be an authority figure. What isn’t given any honest consideration is how do I measure up as a servant? The answer depends on how I personally define servanthood.

Servanthood has traditionally carried the overtone of being under the authority of others. From a Christian’s viewpoint, being a servant of God is the most blessed position a person could hope to attain. 

So your mindset will be that as I serve God with humility and thanksgiving, I am privileged to also be available to serve others. God will supply you with patience and humility to be a servant to others.

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You were chosen to be free. ... Use it as an opportunity to serve each other with love.

~Galatians 5:13 Contemporary English Version

For God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. 

~Hebrews 6:10 New International Version 

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What Makes Serving Others Joyful?

The idea of being a servant has fallen out of favor today regardless of social status. Being served by others is more acceptable, for it conveys authority, power, and privilege. However we do serve others, whether at home, work, or play.

Serving can be a joyful experience that delights the heart and soul, or it can produce an attitude of resentment and contempt. Whichever attitude is present depends on self-perception. Do I see myself as above serving others because entitlement confers on me the right to be served?

Jesus made it absolutely clear he came into the world to serve and to give his life to redeem mankind. Jesus obviously saw a higher purpose in serving others, and that higher purpose was to please God. Think of being a servant as laying up treasures in heaven where the rewards are eternal. If being a servant was preferable to Jesus, then it must be good and honorable. 

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And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 

~2 Timothy 2:24 New International Version

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What Draws People Closer in a Relationship?

Whatever shapes a relationship and determines its success or failure is directly attributed to words that are spoken in conjunction with a positive or negative mood. It’s possible to temporarily disguise feelings and thoughts, but eventually and predictably, the truth will be revealed.

Some people would never disguise their thoughts or mood even as they realize these thoughts and feelings, if expressed, would damage the relationship. While this approach hides dangerous pent-up emotions, they contribute to a sad, depressed mood that pushes people away.

Conversely, feelings which are joyful, confident, and peaceful exemplify a mood of contentment that draws people closer to each other. 

In life we have a choice of being a peacemaker or an alienator, to expect and live with hope for the future or become engulfed in negative thoughts and moods. Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called God’s own people.” What a blessed position to share with those you love!           

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Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

~1 Thessalonians 5:16 New International Version

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How Does Expressing Kindness Affect Acceptance?

Being accepted is one of the highest achievements mankind strives for throughout life. Acceptance depends on several contributing facts such as character, social skills, education, and a multitude of other factors. 

We’re born into a family where acceptance should be a given, but one child can be more favored than others, depending on gender and birth order. While children are not overtly rejected, one may be more favored.

The content of all emotional attachments is communicated by affection and joyful feelings expressed toward each child. Your feelings, whether positive or negative, represent acceptance or rejection.

Proverbs 11:12 confirms: “It’s foolish to speak scornfully of others.” The word 'scornful' describes an attitude of judgment and a hateful mood. Listen to Proverbs 11:17. “You do yourself a favor when you are kind….”  Remember, wise people think before speaking, and being kind promotes acceptance. Praise God for the kindness he demonstrates to us.

It is a  treasure to cherish.   

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So in Christ Jesus all of you are children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized have clothed yourself with Christ.

~Galatians 3:26 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

Now therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

~Romans 8:1 Williams – New Testament in the Language of the People

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How Does Our Mood Affect What We Say?

The words we say to another person in stressful situations can permanently damage a relationship. Words reflect moods such as happy, joyful, sad, or angry. These feelings are identifiable by the tone of voice and facial expressions.

Mistakes are often accompanied by a mood such as anger or fear. Words spoken carelessly while in a particular mood may reveal what is actually factual but, once spoken, are forever imprinted in the mind of the one who hears.

Regardless of your mood, you are accountable for every word spoken. 

So, it’s not always appropriate to say what we think and feel. While mistakes are forgivable, they can have a permanent, negative impact. Proverbs 10:17 are words for the wise: “People who listen when they are corrected will live, but those who will not admit that they are wrong are on a dangerous pathway.” God’s word is the pathway to life and peace.

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Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

~Psalm 139:23-24 New International Version

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Are We Responsible for Learning from Mistakes?

It is amazing how past mistakes shape what we presently choose. Corrected mistakes can be responsible for choices that paved the way for success and happiness. What ultimately mattered is how accountability influenced a final outcome.

In our society divorce has come to be an acceptable solution for a bad marriage. What’s interesting to note is over 60% of those entering a second marriage fail to make a better choice. Is this a by-product of failing to learn from previous mistakes?

You are responsible for learning from mistakes and applying new knowledge to current situations. How does God feel observing his people making poor choices in the face of unmistakable warning signs? Proverbs 27:12 makes this observation: “Sensible people will see trouble coming and avoid it, but an unthinking person will walk right into it and later regret it.” 

Listen to the still small voice of God as he speaks to you now.

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Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you – unless, of course, you fail the test?

~2 Corinthians 13:5 New International Version

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How Do We Learn from Past Mistakes?

Have you known someone who refused to take responsibility to do a special task out of fear of making a mistake that they assumed would be unforgivable? Mistakes are a vital component to learning in addition to being a primary source for understanding what to avoid in the future.

Learning from mistakes is linked to accountability, which in turn is connected to maturing throughout life. In the American Civil War of the 1860’s Robert E. Lee, commander of the Southern forces, made a choice that led to his defeat at Gettysburg.

For Lee, it was a lesson too late for learning, but for most people it is not too late to learn from bad choices. 

God promises if you accept accountability, he will give you knowledge and understanding that enable you to change your life’s pathway. Accountability means learning from mistakes, taking responsibility for them, and then applying corrective action to ensure they will not be repeated.  

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Whoever conceals their sins will not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

~Proverbs 28:13 New International Version

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Does God Use Past Mistakes as Guides for the Future?

Making a mistake is unavoidable, yet essential for maturing. Acquiring knowledge takes place in formal education, and experience serves as a valuable learning tool. Accountability acknowledges mistakes and poor judgment and then implements corrections.

Mistakes are forgivable, provided they serve as teaching moments. Each person is accountable for gaining knowledge and being sure that what is learned is valuable. Proverbs 15:31 defines a wise person: “If you pay attention when you are corrected, you are wise”.

Edward Wilson was one of Harvard University’s prestigious professors and known for his research on ants. He accepted criticism by putting into action suggestions from his critics that resulted in his greatest discoveries. Knowledge and wisdom can be late in coming, but where there is dedication to learning, God will  bestow his grace and blessings on that person. 

You can do great things through Christ Jesus who gives you strength and courage to press on toward accomplishing what he sets before you to do.

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Take a lesson from the ants…Learn from their ways and be wise! For though they have no leader or ruler, they store up their food during the summer, getting ready for winter… Listen! Wisdom is calling out. Reason is making [itself known].  

~Proverbs 6:6-8, 8:1 The Living Bible/Good News Bible

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What Are the Consequences for Unacceptable Behavior?

How often have you heard someone say in frustration or despair, “I just want to be myself and be accepted?” In truth, you must restrain the impulse to act with unacceptable behavior and objectionable speech, for this is the pathway to rejection.

Understanding accountability and applying it to yourself is a tremendous task, but the majority of people will in time mature. The message is clear: “You can be yourself but within specified boundaries.”

You have an expressive self that is part of your identity and an internal core that’s also yearning for exposure. Restraining is necessary to prevent unwanted negative consequences. Accountability is certain, so your objective is to please God with your whole self. Proverbs 16:23 offers wise counsel. “Intelligent people think before they speak, so what they say is then more persuasive.” 

In Jesus you have your best example for who you can be and what you can do.

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Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.

~1 Corinthians 4:2 New International Version

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Are Your Expectations Realistic?

The health of a relationship is as dependent on words spoken as it is on actual conduct. There are instances where behavior speaks louder than words. Your behavior gives evidence that words either were spoken in truth or stand as a contradiction to truth and honor.

Character and your identity cannot be separated from the quality of your vocabulary. An old cliché stands in judgment for speaking without thinking. Perhaps you’ve heard it. “Speak in haste and repent in leisure.” So...

Have you regretted speaking in anger or thoughtlessness?

Accepting accountability has positive rewards for those who permit it to guard their lives. Proverbs 2:7 affirms God’s response to those who are committed to being accountable: “He holds victory in store for the upright; He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of the faithful.” What does God expect from you and me?

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Here is the new agreement I, the Lord, will make with my people…. “I will write my laws on their hearts and minds. I will be their God and they will be my people.”

~Jeremiah 31:33 Contemporary English Version

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Does Accountability Include Words Spoken and How We Live?

Accountability is difficult to feel comfortable with because everyone has acted irresponsibly. Who hasn’t spoken disparagingly about another person’s behavior or character when it was unwarranted? It’s amazing what words can be spoken in moments of reckless intent.

It’s frightening to realize we will be held accountable for every word we speak. In Psalm 141:3 David recognized the implications of reckless speech: “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord: keep watch over the door to my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil.”

One of the Ten Commandments specifically states, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor or accuse anyone falsely.” David was aware that he would be held accountable for the words he spoke and for living an honorable life before God. “May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” That’s a request God will honor.

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For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad. 

~2 Corinthians 5:10 New International Version

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How Does Correcting a Child's Behavior Affect Self-esteem?

What is accountability and how does it rank in importance to the development of character and self-esteem? Parents want their children to have adequate self-esteem so they will be able to achieve to the level of their intellectual and social capabilities.

Critical to being accountable is acquiring emotional and social maturity appropriate to each stage of development. Listen to Proverbs 22:6: “Teach children how to live, to do what is right and good in all situations, and it will be their model for life.” 

Some parents mistakenly believe correcting children’s behavior and mistakes will damage their self-esteem. However failure to correct them will send children into the world ill-prepared for success. The world will not coddle a person who refuses to comply with society’s rules for living. 

It’s imperative to teach your children God’s way for living as they can grasp it’s meaning and purpose. Then be their role model. 

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For in the gospel a righteousness from God is revealed, a righteousness that is by faith from first to last, just as it is written: “The righteous shall live by faith.”

~Romans 1:17 New International Version

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Do Words Have Power to Determine Your Destiny?

What you say and how you act are important for those who practice maturity and good judgment in all of life’s situations. Accountability means to assume responsibility for every word spoken, for every deed and how these influence others.

 Accountability is an awesome word, for it points directly to character, integrity and honesty. Recently at the grocery store, the customer in front of me was incorrectly given ten dollars too much change.

The customer immediately returned the money to the young store employee, who was dismayed by the customer’s integrity and honesty. Romans 14:11-12 speaks to the issue of accountability: “‘As surely as I am the living God,’ says the Lord, ‘everyone will kneel before me, and everyone will confess that I am God.’ Every one of us then will have to give an account to God.” The words we speak and how we act determine our destiny. That’s something to think about and then make needed changes.  

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…From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked. ~Luke 12:48b New International Version

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How Does Maturity Reflect Being Accountable?

What is the difference in acknowledging mistakes, taking corrective measures to avoid repeats, and masking failure with excuses? Making excuses is a way to sidestep embarrassment, and possible punishment, but more importantly, excuses deny accountability.

Failure to meet expectations begins very early in childhood, and how these failures are addressed depends on the age of the child. Consistent harsh punishment promotes excuse-making and blaming others. Lack of maturity is linked with failure to be accountable.

Jesus in Matthew 25 speaks to this issue. A businessman gave three associates responsibility for large sums of money. Two invested wisely and made a profit. The other hid the money but then made excuses for his failure to be accountable.

To strive for and practice maturity reinforces accountability. According to Romans 14:12, we will give an account of ourselves to God. Does that sound scary?         

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Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.

~Romans 14:13 New International Version

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What Does Excuse-making Say About Maturity?

Coming up with excuses for failure is not difficult to do. Parents blame the school, teachers, or other students sometimes for their child’s failures. There are situations where excuses have validity, but blaming others doesn’t always adequately address reality.

Excuse-making is a first defense for failure. We want to be well thought of even if it means failing to take responsible for failures to live up to expectations. Looking good may substitute for poor parenting skills, a failed marriage, and how we want God to see us.

Looking good often covers a fractured self and is often an excuse for failure. Remember when Adam and Eve had to face God for choosing to eat the forbidden fruit? Adam excused himself by blaming Eve, and Eve’s excuse was Satan persuaded her with enticing words. Rather than making up excuses to cover their guilt and shame, they could have, through open and truthful confession, presented themselves honestly to God. 

God honors honesty.                    

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Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled with the blood of Christ to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess.

~Hebrews 10:22-23 New International Version

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Should Failure Determine Your Future?

It’s not a question of if there will be a major or minor failure in our life. During the Christmas holidays a fifth-grade boy was involved in an accident that almost took his life. When it was time to resume his fifth-grade schoolwork, he found it difficult to do.

For the rest of that school year and the following year there was little interest in schoolwork, which meant failure to pass the fifth grade. Excuses ranged from his feeling tired to school being boring. That he would fail and be left behind was obvious until his father was finally notified.

The reason for his inability to focus was traumatically coming close to being killed. Lack of interest in schoolwork was a cover for depression. Looking for the actual cause of his failure to focus was an important step in healing from the trauma caused by the accident. 

Asking God for guidance, insight, and understanding is a first step toward healing and recovery.

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Carry one another’s burdens and in this way you will fulfill the requirements of the law of Christ, [that is, the law of Christian love].  

~Galatians 6:2 Amplified Bible

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How Does Being Accountable Reflect Maturity?

There is a reason that unhealthy choices culminate in someone’s becoming a victim of a fractured relationship. Being perplexed when a relationship fails is acceptable but placing the blame entirely on others only delays what’s inescapable.

What this does is delay accountability that must be faced. The more inclined a person is to make excuses for failure, the greater the probability for repeating bad choices. The pathway to healing must be by way of true sorrow and accountability.

An attitude that reflects accountability for bad choices says, “I am to blame, and I will make amends instead of making excuses and blaming others.” Being accountable is the pathway to integrity and relationships that are healthy. So it’s okay to ask, “What did I do to cause this suffering and pain?” If this is an honest question, God will make answers available that will change your life. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart!                  

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Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were  better and another worse.

~Galatians 5:25-26 The Message

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Do Childish and Immature Behaviors Fracture Relationships?

We as children learn to make excuses for bad choices and behavior to avoid punishment even while realizing punishment is deserved and justified. Excuses are an attempt to escape the guilt and shame that reminds us personal values have been violated.

The Apostle Paul stepped outside of excuse-making by declaring, “When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” Paul was taking responsibility for past immature choices.

Childish and immature behaviors are responsible for fractured and broken relationships. 

Turning away from childish behaviors is difficult, but with God’s help, it is possible. Ask yourself, “What is the mature, godly thing to do now?” Ask God for insight, courage, and the resolve to heal your relationship. Examine yourself and if you are serious, God will respond.                    

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For God will bring every deed into judgement, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.

~Ecclesiastes 12:14 New International Version

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How Do An Apology and Confession Affect Reconciliation?

Spiritually, reconciliation means to be made right with God. It’s not what we do but what Jesus did on the cross that makes it certain. In relationships reconciliation means to be made right with each other – to end hostilities and agree to live in peace.

Broken and fractured relationships need reconciliation, but first a desire for reconciliation must exist in those who created the emotional and physical suffering. That means that some anxiety about the future will have to coexist with hope for a new beginning.

Past behaviors must be forgiven to prevent sabotaging possibilities for repairing the relationship. Taking responsibility for immature behaviors is an essential part of confession and apologizing, and it makes reconciliation promising. 

God helps you clean the slate, as he washed you clean through forgiveness. This is required for possibly restoring a fractured and broken relationship.                  

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Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

~Galatians 6:7-9 New International Version

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What Helps a Marriage Move from Conflict to Resolution?

What couple would commit to a marriage believing divorce was definitely in their future? Instead, couples take this covenant step with confidence their marriage will last a lifetime. The majority of divorces reflect a fractured relationship that could have been saved.

It has been noted that as soon as the honeymoon is over, real differences in personalities and expectations will surface. Yet most couples compromise and accept each other’s imperfections.  Their love and commitment to each other give birth to a lasting bond.

What helps couples move from conflict to resolution is realizing that happiness includes sacrifice by each individual. 

To love your husband or wife as Christ loved the church is an awesome responsibility and privilege. Christ Jesus provides strength and the will to endure, but that must include an attitude that promises to never give up. So give thanks to Christ, and then continuously act out your thanksgiving.                   

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God will bless you if you don’t give up when your faith is being tested. He will reward you with a glorious life, just as he rewards everyone that loves him.

~James 1:12 Contemporary English Version

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Is It Possible to Purge Oneself of Hatred?

It’s within human nature to hate what causes suffering and pain. Hatred is powerful because of the social and spiritual stigma it fosters. Hatred does more damage to the one harboring it than to those to whom it is directed.

This truth, unfortunately, does little to convince the one nursing hatred to let it go and permit God to do his work. Hatred can cause a marriage to fail and drive a wedge between parents and children during and after divorce proceedings. Parents often use children to punish the ex-spouse.

Fractured and broken parents should never use their children as conveyers of punishment. 1 John 2:11 tells us if we permit hatred to take possession of us, we live in darkness, which implies the blessings of God will be absent from us, for God is light. In God there can be no darkness. 

Hatred conveys darkness and destruction, but forgiveness imparts healing and the blessing of God’s presence.                            

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Stop being bitter and angry and mad at others. Don’t yell at one another or curse each other or ever be rude. Instead, be kind and merciful, and forgive others, just as God forgave you because of Christ Jesus.

~Ephesians 4:31-32 Contemporary English Version

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How Severely Does Divorce Affect Children?

Divorce has been a spiritual, moral, and legal issue for thousands of years because the husband or wife or both decided against the marriage. Those seeking a divorce believe they made a mistake by permitting themselves to be chosen as a marriage partner.

A fractured and broken marriage negatively affects children, but it’s a fact that some children suffer more than others, which can drive a wedge between a parent and child that may endure for years. This happens when children are used as tools for punishing the other parent.

I realize that divorce causes everyone to experience the pain of grief when those involved willingly get stuck in anger and hatred. Intentionally driving a wedge between a parent and child is an offence that boomerangs on the perpetrator. Escaping this temptation can be done by permitting God to use the pain of grief and suffering to bring about his purpose for each person. Trust that God’s way is best.

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The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

~Psalm 34:18 New International Version

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Is It Appropriate for Children to Grieve?

Every family is impacted by divorce, whether personally or by friends or the extended family. In our society divorce demonstrates what happens as a consequence of fractured and broken individuals. Children become emotionally wounded by parental choices.

The reasons for divorce are numerous, and those making this choice feel justified in their decision. The ones left in the wake of divorce may initially feel more devastated than the one deciding to separate. Every participant will go through the stages of grief.

Children can be neglected during the chaos of divorce, but children are as burdened by the disruption as are adults. A child’s grief isn’t unlike what adults experience although they may be too young to express it. Jesus will enable you to care for your children, so do not fail to recognize and comfort your children during their grief. 

God blesses those who grieve. He will comfort them.                            

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Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our…momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but on what is unseen is eternal.  

~2 Corinthians 4:16-18 New International Version

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What Happens When Forgiveness Isn't Permitted Expression?

Most parents teach their children to refrain from holding grudges against their siblings or friends, but letting go of hurt feelings is difficult. A grudge is similar to resentment and bitterness. Suppressing these feelings prevents reconciliation from taking place.

Reliving past injuries happens when acceptable solutions remain out of bounds. In truth, most individuals seek compensation from those who inflict physical or emotional harm by demanding their contrition, apologies, or that they make amends.

If a resolution seems impossible, then internalizing anger, disappointment, and sadness is inevitable. This leads periodically to reliving the past. God does not intend for his people to hold grudges, for they are the pathway to diminished happiness. 

Forgiving others makes it possible for God to create in you a clean heart. This is possible with God’s help and your permission. “Blessed are the peacemakers. God will call them his children.”                   

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But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

~Isaiah 53:5 New International Version

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What Lies at the Center of God's Promise to Heal You?

Healing from emotional wounds that were created in a fractured or broken relationship is possible, provided time and patience are permitted to be a part of the process. Pain, whether physical or emotional, is not easily tolerated so it’s natural to expect relief.

It’s impossible for children to get through childhood and adolescence without sustaining minor and serious physical injuries, although these heal and are mentally stored away. Likewise, emotional injuries and wounds ranging from serious to devastating are also experienced.

At the center of recovery is forgiveness, so all efforts to give and receive forgiveness must be honored and treasured along with a strong commitment to make significant life changes. 

God in Psalm 147:3 promises to heal the brokenhearted. In Jeremiah 30:17 God restates: “I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal.” Praise God for such good news!                        

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Let us, then, always offer praise to God as our sacrifice through Jesus Christ…Do not forget to do good and to help one another, because these are the sacrifices that please God.

~Hebrews 13:15-16 Good News Bible

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What Role Does Attitude Play in Fractured Relationships?

Broken relationships are a fact of life. Whether people can resolve conflicts and heal emotional wounds depends on each person admitting complicity and taking responsibility to change. What stands out as a determining factor is each person’s attitude.

Attitude is influenced by a person’s temperament, personality, and experiences. Attitude cannot be separated from long-term spiritual, social, and political views. Attitude includes your personal disposition, feelings, and opinions about every aspect of life.

That attitudes play a significant role in a fractured relationship is obvious and determines if reconciliation is possible. Prompted by the Holy Spirit, an attitude can be modified or radically changed. 

Reconciliation is possible when healing emotional and spiritual wounds is a priority. God’s word reminds us Jesus came to "bind up the wounds of the brokenhearted and proclaim freedom for the captive," regardless of how bondage is defined.

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Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it  does not rejoice at wrongs but rejoices in the [truth]. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends...

~1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Revised Standard Version

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When IS Communication the Pathway to Understanding?

The primary cause for most fractured or broken relationships is failure of communication. This implies the significance of understanding and accepting the other person's need to share something important. Lack of understanding is often attributed to the failure to listen.

Failure to communicate is observed where every misdeed from the past is hurled at each other. In these attempts to communicate, issues become obscured by unresolved problems. Refusing to talk is to deny problems exist and eventually cause relationship failure.

If you want to be understood, communication is a necessary tool that makes it happen. Failure to communicate is the pathway to isolation, grief, and loneliness; however, God has given you a voice. Yet how you speak or if you speak is a choice God allows you to make. Sincere love and truthful communication are the means for restoring and healing a fractured or broken relationship.

    

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If I dispose of all that I possess, yes, even if I give my own body to be burned, but have no love, I achieve precisely nothing.

~1 Corinthians 13:3 Phillips – New Testament In Modern English

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Are Mutual Understanding and Forgiveness Absolute Needs?

How well do you communicate? Of all the issues that fracture and cause relationship failure, lack of healthy communication is the number one issue. Failure in communication is responsible for not understanding another person’s feelings, thoughts, and needs.

A relationship fractures when two people are not equally yoked in their ability to communicate. Each person experiences frustration, then becomes unapproachable emotionally and withdraws physically. The body language of silence is powerful in its effectiveness.

Failure to communicate causes relationship failure, yet it is possible to speak so problems are solved and intimacy restored. Isaiah 1:18 offers hope: “‘Come now, let us reason together,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are red as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are as crimson, they shall be as wool.’” The challenge is for mutual understanding and forgiveness to provide restoration and healing.

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If I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

~1 Corinthians 13:2 Revised Standard Version

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How Can I Keep from Rushing to Judge Others?

When a relationship fails, the questions everyone asks are, “Who was at fault? Who is to blame?” Friends and relatives choose sides because it’s difficult to remain neutral. By being impartial, it becomes possible to understand how each person participated in the relationship’s demise.

A relationship can fracture very early due to the baggage one or both people bring to the relationship. So what defines baggage? It refers to emotional wounds inflicted by past experiences that now make it difficult to trust and be vulnerable as God intended.

If that sounds hopeless, remember, with God all things are possible.Do not rush to judgment just to place blame, for “all have sinned and come short of God’s glory.” 

Ask yourself: “What does God want me to learn about how I function or communicate in relationships that contribute to failure to bond and attach?" Be still and listen to God as you wait. Pray for his help.             

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What if I could speak all the languages of humans and angels? If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

~1 Corinthians 13:1 Contemporary English Version 

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