Bridge an Impasse with Communication

An impasse reflects a hopeless deadlock bound up in differences of opinion. Striving for control and power where self-esteem or feelings of self-worth appear in jeopardy is what creates an impasse. This does not mean that an issue is a life-or-death situation but that winning has become the issue.

Fran and Jesse have created a crisis of credit card debt. It takes all their extra funds just to pay the minimum on this debt. With absolutely no financial wiggle room, fighting over everything has become a daily occurrence. Jesse refuses to leave the job he loves for one with a higher-paying salary. Fran refuses to cut back on what she considers necessities.

Mistakes and bad judgments reflect immaturity, but where there’s a willingness to acknowledge mistakes and change behaviors, hope for a relationship can be secured. An impasse can be dislodged only as communication builds a bridge to insight and understanding. When God is given freedom to influence your heart and mind, he then will give you understanding and wisdom to do what is good and right. 

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Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do, and does not do it, to him it is sin.

~James 4:17 New American Standard Bible

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this, just keep on doing it.

~1 Thessalonians 5:11 The Message

Broken Hearts Need Healing

Conflict seldom volunteers to go away on its own. Denial of conflict’s existence might ease the anxiety it creates, but denial isn’t an effective tool for successfully managing it. Denial is a defense for those who refuse to seek a resolution. An impasse is a cautious peace capable of erupting at the slightest provocation.

Paul and Barnabas, God's most dedicated missionaries became so embroiled in conflict, they parted ways. They could no longer work together. John Mark, the subject of their conflict, had deserted them and returned to his home. When he wanted to come back, Paul argued with Barnabas about this being advisable.

Their argument became so intense that Paul decided to go on alone. This example epitomizes how conflict builds a bridge to alienation and separation. Resolutions become possible when there are admissions of being mistaken. Paul came to this conclusion and asked John Mark to reunite with his ministry. What does this say to you? 

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Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is a good help to me in my work.

~2 Timothy 4:11 Beck – New Testament in the Language of Today

Make this your common practice: confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.

~James 5:16 The Message

Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice. Become mature, be encouraged, be of the same mind, be at peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you.

~2 Corinthians 13:11 Holman Christian Standard Bible

Impasse Ahead – Let's Talk

Conflict has a way of producing stubbornness, or one could say that stubbornness is responsible for creating or perpetuating disagreements. Conflict is unavoidable and eventually will make its presence known where all relationships exist. Clashes of personalities may result in tension or produce an impasse where hoped-for solutions seem out of sight.

An impasse occurs when a disagreement creates a stalemate. Jerry and Kate could not agree on how to discipline their son. Jerry believed a spanking was in order for severe infringement of rules. Kate either gave their son “time out” or ignored the infringement. Consequently, their fights left their son feeling anxious and guilty for causing so much trouble.

When two people are so stubborn that they refuse to compromise, the relationship may falter or become stagnant. Maturity sees an issue from another's perspective and can choose to follow God’s plan which encourages, "Come now, let us reason together," says the Lord. Reasoning together builds a bridge to understanding and peace.  

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May God who gives patience, steadiness and encouragement help you to live in complete harmony with each other – each with the attitude of Christ toward the other.

~Romans 15:5 The Living Bible

When Stress Creates Distress

Most babies are born into homes where conflict is minimal. While no home is completely exempt from conflict, some people are better equipped to manage it successfully. Sheer determination to find resolutions helps some people gain valuable skills and strategies for resolving conflicts. Others, however, permit conflict to evolve into serious power struggles that separate them from each other.

Total and complete compatibility is rare even between those who are 100% committed to their relationship. But sometimes the slightest degree of incompatibility over finances, sex, parenting, religion, in-laws or friends can cause friction that provokes quarrels and distress. The abuse of drugs and alcohol is another source of conflict.

The danger of leaving conflict unattended may distress what is outwardly a peaceful relationship. Distress can cause major arguments and battles to evolve into a means for relieving tension. Facing the truth of conflict and exposing it to God’s light and guidance is healthy, for then there is hope for a resolution.  

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You’re a fountain of cascading light, and you open our eyes to light.

~Psalm 36:9 The Message

Now if you have known anything of Christ’s encouragement and of his reassuring love; if you have known something of the fellowship of his Spirit, and of compassion and deep sympathy, do make my joy complete – live together in harmony, live together in love, as though you had only one mind and one spirit between you.

~Philippians 2:1-2 Phillips – New Testament in Modern English

Face the Truth to Avoid a Crisis

Becoming saturated with conflict is a sad-but-true reality for many couples and families. In some cases, conflict isolates those involved from love and affection and will possibly generate emotional stagnation. When a relationship becomes stagnant from relentless striving, love and affection between the participants become stale and impure.

What’s difficult to accept is that conflict doesn't necessarily have to be bad. While most people dislike conflict, it can provide the pathway for discovering the truth about others and oneself. Unhealthy conflict refuses to face personal and relationship problems. It seems easier to let stagnation dominate than to face changes or an uncertain future.

When relationships become frozen in conflict, a potential crisis may shatter the lives of all involved. However, God desires for you to face the truth even when a resolution seems beyond achieving. Facing the truth is anxiety producing, but with God nothing is impossible because he cares more for you than you could ever imagine.  

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My child, don’t turn away or become bitter when the Lord corrects you. The Lord corrects everyone he loves, just as parents correct their favorite child.

~Proverbs 3:11-12 Contemporary English Version

Better to correct someone openly than to let him think you don’t care for him at all. Friends mean well, even when they hurt you. 

~Proverbs 27:5-6 Good News Bible

Giving an honest answer is a sign of true friendship.

~Proverbs 24:26 Contemporary English Version

And I pray that Christ will make his home in your hearts through faith. I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love.
~Ephesians 3:17 Good News Bible

To Manage Conflict, Communicate Kindness

Joseph, the favorite son of Jacob, was not protected from the conflict he had to endure with his older brothers. This conflict was just a sample of what he would face as a young man far away from home in Egypt. Conflict invades everyone's life, so it’s not a matter of choosing whether conflict will be experienced, but how it will be managed.

By the end of adolescence most people have developed a system for coping with conflict regardless of how healthy each person may be. This does not imply that change and growth are out of the question. Personality type and temperament along with parental role models influence how conflict will be managed and consequently its success or failure.

Through respectful communication and compassionate understanding, conflict can bring people closer together. Genesis 13 illustrates how Abraham successfully negotiated an end to conflict with his nephew Lot by giving Lot two positive alternatives. God gives wisdom for resolving conflicts to those who earnestly seek it. 

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Then Abram said to Lot, “We are relatives, and your men and my men shouldn’t be quarreling. So let’s separate. You go one way, and I’ll go the other.”

~Genesis 13:8-9 Good News Bible

My dear friends, you should be quick to listen and slow to speak or to get angry. If you are angry, you cannot do any of the good things that God wants done.

~James 1:19-20 Contemporary English Version

An Amazing Expression of Love: Forgiveness

Joseph forgave his brothers for the suffering he endured because he chose to be free of anger and resentment. Joseph could have punished them severely but instead chose to give them freedom by forgiving them. In doing so, he gave himself the gift of happiness as well as the gift of freedom from anger and bitterness. 

Forgiveness is an expression of love that puts another person's feelings, needs and happiness on par with oneself. The objective is an enhanced quality of life that forgiveness brings to oneself and others. Love may be the most important component of forgiveness because it requires a demonstration of mercy and compassion.

To accomplish this task, remember: forgiveness is never given nor received without sacrificing something of yourself. The Lord God paid a profound price to forgive and cleanse us from sin by sending Jesus to die on the cross for our redemption. As we have received God’s forgiveness, let us freely extend forgiveness to others.  

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Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.

~Genesis 50:19-21 New Living Translation

Yet the proof of God’s amazing love is this: it was while we were sinners that Christ died for us.

~Romans 5:8 Phillips – The New Testament in Modern English

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

~Luke 23:34 New International Version