Developing a Positive Identity - Part 3

One of my high school teachers was fond of reminding us of a truth  from English literature which designates a person's identity. Here it is: "What you are speaks so loudly I can't hear a word you say." Your identity includes so much more than words you speak. Choices that reflect your attitudes and the way you behave paint a clear picture of your character.

Jesus' parable of the prodigal son demonstrates how identity confusion leads to bad choices and ultimate despair. Out of despair the young man was able to see himself clearly and imagine what could be different. That's when he chose to change his life. So much time, energy, and resources were lost thinking he was something he was not. That's identity confusion.

Constructive change is possible by realizing the Lord Jesus can transform your circumstances, your inner self, and personal identity. God's desire is for you to reflect his character in the life you choose to live. This can be the distinguishing feature which clearly reflects your identity and what others see in you.  

Developing a Positive Identity - Part 2

Adolescence is often a blend of self-certainty and troubling confusion. Most children yearn to grow up and have more freedom, but freedom demands responsibility. For that reason it's not uncommon for teenagers to secretly yearn to return to just being a kid, where there wasn't so much responsibility and where the world seemed a safer place.

Most young people eventually get a grip on life that enables them to go forward and find where they belong. Fledgling self-certainty can be  strengthened by hope for the future and parents who encourage. A positive identity helps the adolescent separate and establish independence. Failure to do so indicates identity confusion and self-doubt.

If this is an issue, realize the Lord God is not the author of confusion. As you mature and become capable of managing what God delegates to your care, he provides clarity that conquers confusion. "Greater is he who is in you than he who is in the world." Choosing Christ Jesus gives assurance for a bright future that will be meaningful.  

Developing a Positive Identity - Part 1

On one occasion Jesus asked his disciples, "Who do people say I am?" The people misunderstood who Jesus was, but Peter said, "You are the Christ." As early as age twelve, Jesus understood his life's purpose. He told his mother, "I must be about my father's business." Some people inadvertently develop a negative rather than a positive identity.

The developmental task of adolescence is to begin cultivating a productive sense of who you are and what you can be. A positive self- perception evolves over time, but seeds are planted early on. It's crucial that a positive sense of identity be developed, for those who have a negative sense of self rarely acquire the peace and joy God intended.

Making constructive choices by laying a foundation that affects your identity begins by realizing you are God's creation and loved by him. Romans 8:17 proclaims you were created to be a co-heir with Jesus. As you visualize, internalize, and accept this promise, you're in a position to make choices that will be blessed by God.  

From Industry to Identity - Part 3

Adolescence can be an awesome experience for teenagers and parents. Viewing a child's being transformed into a teenager may create uneasiness within the parents as the child begins to require more freedom and privileges. For both the parent and teenager, this developmental stage opens up opportunities for making choices that promise change.

Decision-making power is needed for a teen to begin separating and assuming more responsibility. Becoming independent is required for finding significance and personal identity. Conflict is to be expected, but how it's managed portrays the emotional health of a parent and teenager. The adolescent years involve laying a foundation for identity formation.

To a young Jeremiah, God said, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." Think how encouraging  these words can be to anyone who personalizes them. Making choices with confidence is enhanced by knowing the Lord God is partnering with you to establish your identity.  

From Industry to Identity - Part 2

Children begin early fantasizing about what they would like to be when they grow up. Can you remember daydreaming and planning your future? As a young adolescent, I imagined myself being the pilot of a supersonic jet fighter. I did serve in the Air Force, but not as a pilot. However I eventually discovered what I could do with my life.

Finding meaning and purpose for life hinges on identity - how I see myself. The main developmental task of adolescence is to lay the groundwork for identity, the person I want to become, as the world of childhood is slowly left behind. For the Christian teenager, it's important to believe God is providing direction and purpose for life.

A crucial awareness, whatever your age, acknowledges that identity is determined by God and your own decisions. Listen to Genesis 1:26. "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness." Acknowledging you are made in God's image provides a solid basis for self-worth and personal destiny. This determines what you choose to do with your life.  

From Industry to Identity - Part 1

Starting to school is a crucial turning point in the social development of a child. For some children, this is a significant first step for entering an environment where expectations, social demands, and ethical standards may be different from their home life. If the atmosphere is acceptable and safe, a child begins a lifetime learning adventure.

          Developing a positive attitude toward learning is essential for successfully adjusting to school life. If school adjustment problems persist, parents must make sure their child gets help so the developmental task of industry and productivity progresses normally. This critical task centers around cooperating with teachers and those within their peer groups.

          Responsibility for a child's social and intellectual growth depends on the child, parent, and teacher. Persistence and perseverance are required. Listen to James 1:12: "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God promised to those who love him." That's God's promise.  

Learning Productivity - Part 3

Do you realize how much determination it takes for an infant to master crawling, learning to walk, and acquiring language? As parents provide an atmosphere of trust that allows a strong sense of self to flourish, their children go to school prepared and eager for mastering the task of industry and productivity.

There are children who enter elementary school unprepared and unready for the task of learning. Parents must overcome their own fears, unpreparedness, and anxiety so they can take appropriate steps to insure their child is provided all available resources to meet their needs. While there are barriers to overcome, persistence helps insure success.

Success in the elementary years can't be stressed enough, for children take with them these initial ideas of what it means to be productive throughout adulthood. Listen to Proverbs 22:6. "Train or teach a child how he should live, and he will remember it all his life." The choices you help your children make about persistence and staying on track will remain a continuous guide and encouragement.  

Learning Productivity - Part 2

What holds a person back from becoming successful, loving, and giving? I'm sure there are many reasons this affliction grips the lives of some of God's people. Laziness and lack of motivation could be argued as probable causes. Feelings of inferiority and inadequacy keep gifts and talents hidden behind a curtain of fear.

As unbelievable as it may seem, change is possible by confronting the feelings that stifle achieving the productive life God intended. While it's true that we can't go back and do any part of our lives over, we can make choices to alter what gives power to negative perceptions and beliefs.

Begin by rejecting a belief that you're stuck and incapable of change. Believe that you were created by God for a special purpose that will honor him and bless others. See yourself as a child of God, redeemed by Christ Jesus and empowered by the Holy Spirit. Believe you're capable of being productive with what God has given you. Keep these truths in your heart and mind until they become real to you.  

Learning Productivity - Part 1

God's desire for his people is that they be industrious and productive. Industry is a developmental task the elementary age child learns to master. The goal for a child at this age is to become skilled in reading, math, social studies, and science. Success most often depends on acquiring social skills. This learned productivity creates patterns for living that last a lifetime.

Children who are shy or feel inadequate conceal their treasures. These children need encouragement and tutoring until their self-image changes. Be alert to identifying a child's strengths and positive attributes. Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority are difficult to overcome, but with determination and God-given courage, change is possible.

The temptation is to linger in the shadows of your capabilities. Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness." With every temptation, God provides a way to escape. So please be encouraged, and strive to be the person God created you to be.  

Motivation for Change - Part 3

Children from age six to twelve take significant steps toward learning to live in the world beyond their homes. Self-discipline becomes a necessity for school life and other activities. Their interests become more centered around school and peer groups. Friends become increasingly important for social activities, for influencing values and behavior patterns.

During this period children acquire a sense of industry and duty. Guidance from parents and significant-other adults is critical for helping children develop perseverance for task completion that will gauge their success at each future stage of life. Perseverance is invaluable for managing the trials and temptations life will surely present.

Although these developmental years can be difficult, learning to persevere develops character that lasts a lifetime. Romans 5:3 puts it this way: "We rejoice in our suffering because we know that suffering creates perseverance, and perseverance character, and character hope." God helps us develop character that will guide us and honor him. 

Motivation for Change - Part 2

Learning, growing, and changing should be a never-ending process and desire. Children who have the opportunity to explore and discover their world seem to develop a conscientious attitude that leads to a life of productivity. Attitudes and values are caught rather than taught, so being an example is the primary means of encouraging children to learn.

God expects us to be productive and industrious and to learn to over-come obstacles we invariably encounter. Listen to God's instructions from Genesis 1:28: "So God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature.'"

Making choices for positive change may include evaluating your attitude toward learning and growing. Proverbs 12:1 points out the relationship between discipline and learning. "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge." I hope that you will never grow weary of learning and that you help children to love learning.  

Motivation for Change - Part 1

Guilt is a good emotion because it questions not only our actions, but also our motives and attitudes. Guilt prompts confession, repentance, and the desire to be forgiven and to forgive others. So guilt alerts us of the need to make things right with others. Guilt in some people seems to be a never-ending feeling that taunts them without pity.

Relief from guilt can begin by connecting it to a particular situation or circumstance. For example, young children love to explore everything in their environment. If a child is berated or harshly punished just for being a child, guilt begins to be absorbed into their conscience. The child feels he or she is unable to please the parents, which allows guilt to flourish.

You can choose to reject unreal guilt by drawing near to God, who through Christ Jesus heals damaged emotions and cleanses the mind of thinking you're unacceptable. Real guilt is cleansed through confession, repentance, and forgiveness. Remember these strategies when real or false guilt surfaces to make your life miserable. 

Faith and Trust to Grow - Part 3

Children love to explore. Discovery and learning is a never-ending process that begins in infancy. Parents can interfere with the initiative to explore and learn by an overly-protective attitude or by harsh restrictions. Children must have boundaries and safe areas to explore, but as growth and learning take place, more freedom is needed to explore.

Change is anchored around the initiative to explore alternatives to whatever opportunities or problems life presents. Children have a natural, inborn faith to seek out that which is beyond their present knowledge and skills. Learning is the pathway to change. Jesus told the disciples to let the little children come and learn of him.

A child will eagerly take the initiative to come to God because of basic trust. Do you have an eagerness to explore and learn from Jesus? Listen to his invitation. "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Jesus is the firm foundation for building faith, hope and trust. 

Faith and Trust to Grow - Part 2

Children need to believe they are special in ways that make them feel unique, but not totally set apart from others. They need recognition and acceptance that confirm they're loved and appreciated. God created us for a significant purpose so our lives would not linger under a cloud of shame and doubt. Shame and doubt's message is that you're flawed and inadequate.

Dominant feelings of shame and doubt are like shackles and chains that bind us to mediocrity and non-productivity. The opposite of shame and doubt is faith. John Wesley's friend, Peter Buhler, told him to "Live by faith until you have faith." Someone else proclaimed, "Faith is the daring of the soul to go farther than it can see."

God has put faith in your heart and soul to give you confidence. So focus on that speck of faith rather than the mountain of shame and doubt. Permit yourself to want faith. Believe that God desires to give you faith enough to change. Be willing to fight the good fight of faith. These decisions produce positive change blessed by God. 

Faith and Trust to Grow - Part 1

Every parent can remember the transition their infant made from being helpless and dependent to being a toddler demanding independence and self-governing. Toddlers learn to express displeasure loudly with the word no, which is indicative of approaching self-reliance and making personal choices. This move toward independence is a God-given drive.

Making choices for becoming an autonomous, independent person can be observed throughout each stage of life. It's based on trust that begins in infancy. Reluctance by parents to let their toddler move normally toward independence hinders the development of self-confidence that encourages separation and learning responsibility.

God intended for each person to be confident and independent so we could go forward and discover our place in his world. St. Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." God created you to be a normal, unique individual capable of achieving the purpose he intended for you.  

Building Trust for Change - Part 3

It isn't uncommon to make decisions and then continue to live with those choices long after they've become outdated. Restructuring obsolete decisions requires basic trust in your ability to cope with change. When decisions are difficult, it helps to be convinced that change is a necessity and that God will be at work to make those changes possible.

What holds us back is mistrust. Mistrust creates anxiety and distress along with fear of not being in control of our lives. Proverbs 16:20 encourages us to trust in the Lord, and as we do, we are blessed. Listen to Proverbs 29:25. "Whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe." Mistrust tends to doubt these words of encouragement.

Making changes where mistrust has a stronghold is possible. Believe that God will show you ways to build trust in graduated steps that strengthen your confidence and assurance. God is faithful and will never put on you more than you can tolerate. He sends help so you can change old, worn-out decisions with confidence.   

Building Trust for Change - Part 2

What mental images does the word trust bring to mind? For some, the word trust creates pictures of a mother lovingly nurturing her baby. For others, trust conveys a sense of safety and security. Is it easy to trust those with whom you come into contact each day? Basic trust begins in infancy and affects every choice throughout life.

In Job 13:15, we're given a model for trust even when we're pushed to the edge of life itself. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. I will surely defend my ways to His face." Job trusted God when he had lost all hope of his life improving. Basic trust helps us survive hard times, when  cruel disappointments have cut to the bone.

Making choices in difficult times, whether major or minor, can be carried out with courage by anchoring your faith in Christ Jesus. Basic trust and faith believe that God is your resource even if everything seems out of control. Job knew in whom he believed; he trusted God's faithfulness. God offers this assurance to you.  

Building Trust for Change - Part 1

Throughout life, decisions are made based on freedom of choice. Yet some choices derive from our being forced or coerced into a decision because another person's course of action demands a response. For example, you may have been coerced into getting a divorce because your spouse sought to terminate the marriage.

Making choices resulting in positive change seems impossible when we are coerced by negative circumstances. Intensive self-examination that leads to self-blame may produce questions like "What did I do wrong?" or "Where did I fail?" In times like these we also may question God's love and care for us, but what other choices are available?

You can seek help for understanding your participation in creating conflict. You can choose to grow and mature during this time of turmoil. You can seek insight and guidance from the Lord Jesus Christ. Psalm 27 declares, "The Lord is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?" Chose to apply these words to your life today.  

A Challenge to Change - Part 3

All too often, making decisions to change follows a major crisis. For example, a judge in New York was arrested and sent to prison for thirteen months for harassing his former mistress. Instead of getting psychiatric and medical treatment for manic depression, what help he accepted only aggravated the problem. He also avoided addressing his spiritual issues.

This judge refused to get help because of fear of exposure. Change is possible only by accepting the reality of any given situation or problem. Problems do not go away just because we refuse to accept their existence. Denial encourages problems to get out of control and paves the way for a crisis and potential disaster.

The person who makes wise decisions and pursues positive change may avoid sudden crisis or disaster. Listen to Proverbs 3:25. "Have no fear of sudden disaster or the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being snared." God is  ready to do his part as we seek his guidance.  

A Challenge to Change - Part 2

Growing up as the youngest child in the family was not a positive experience for Linda. The last thing her father wanted was another child. She would be a financial burden and another distraction for his wife. Linda grew up feeling pushed to the outside, getting whatever was left over, or no longer wanted by others. She still feels the same way.

Change for Linda would mean changing her self-perception and the  expectations she has for herself. Linda has unique gifts and talents that have lain dormant because of her low expectations. Being last in the family doesn't mean being last in fulfilling God's purpose and design. Our self-perception can be contrary to God's perception and his plan for us.

Change can begin by believing with God that it's possible to reverse a negative self-imposed destiny. Jesus said, "The first shall be last and the last first." Psalm 75:7 declares, "It is God who judges. He brings one down and raises up another." Letting go of old perceptions and taking hold of new expectations make change possible. 

A Challenge to Change - Part 1

In 1952 Adlai Stevenson presented this challenge to the Democratic National Convention: "Let's talk sense to the American people. Let's tell them the truth. There can be no gain without pain." People skirt around change, even good, positive change, to avoid pain like sadness, fear, and anxiety.

Making good, positive changes may include letting go of what is perceived as a secure place you know well but is no longer appropriate or good for you. The Hebrew people had to let go of what was familiar, even though it was bondage in Egypt. Remember how they wanted to return to that bondage when they had to face hard times and what they perceived as an uncertain future?

Choosing to change requires trusting God to be a very present help if trouble emerges. God may not prevent sadness, fear and anxiety from accompanying healthy change, but he does provide strength to endure when the way is uncertain. Trust this truth - Jesus is the light of the world that shines in times of trouble to guide you through the darkness. 

Escaping the Negatives - Part 3

Our American economy depends on people choosing to buy new cars, houses and whatever you can imagine. Decisions to change jobs and move the family are part of the upward mobility movement our society provides, including the pursuit of happiness. Yet change can be scary and emotionally taxing.

God was not content to leave the people of Israel indefinitely in Egypt. In order for them to become the nation he envisioned, they had to be uprooted from their adopted culture. Although change would not come without some hardships, God promised to be available to ensure success for the changes he asked them to make.

Becoming complacent with a lifestyle of bondage or sin was out of compliance with what God had in mind for Israel and is for us today with our contemporary lifestyles. Listen to God's promise: "If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land." Would you accept that challenge? 

Escaping the Negatives - Part 2

Change creates stress, even change that is actively pursued. A friend knew she needed to change jobs after eleven years of employment. To her dismay, she began to feel stressful about making the change that would meet her current financial needs. She also felt grief and sadness over leaving friends with whom she had worked for over a decade.

Making good changes may create feelings of anxiety and even fear. However, this can be balanced by being thankful for opportunities to make a fresh start. The people of Israel left behind a secure life in Egypt, even though it was a life of enslavement and bondage. As they were on their way to what God promised, they longed for what they had left behind when the reality of what had to be endured could not be ignored.

As you choose to make necessary changes, the Lord Jesus Christ will be your strength and guide as you press on to claim what he has in store for you. God's desire is for you to be successful in becoming the person he created you to be so you can serve him with gladness. 

Escaping the Negatives - Part 1

Making choices for positive change ultimately includes a change of attitude. A negative attitude might include thinking of oneself as inferior, bad, and undeserving of what God provides. Jamie, an intelligent professional woman, could not escape the negative thought patterns that robbed her of the peace and joy God makes available to every believer.

A negative attitude can be pervasive and contagious. Changing a negative self-perception necessitates a careful examination of guilt and its causes. Real guilt occurs when personal and religious values are violated and disregarded. False guilt occurs when a person feels unable to please others, or takes responsibility for those who are unwilling or unable to make necessary changes for a better life.

Romans 8:1 declares, "There is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." 1 John 1:9 supports this truth by stating, "If we confess our sins, God faithfully forgives and cleanses us from all unrighteousness." The choice is to accept Christ Jesus and all he provides. 

Changing with Confidence - Part 3

A popular song portrayed disaster as "going ninety miles an hour down a dead end street." God's word issued this warning to the nation of Judah: "Look! I am preparing a disaster for you. I am devising a plan against you. So turn from your evil ways, each one of you, and do what is right."

Somewhere along the way, God's people made choices that set their lives on a collision course with disaster. Disaster is usually a choice, especially the kind that the people of Judah encountered. Instead of choosing to stay faithful to God's purpose, the stubbornness of their hearts allowed them to fall headlong into disaster.

There are alternatives to this headlong plunge. Our hope lies in the fact that God's work of redemption is an on-going process, but we must be willing to stop the downhill slide into pain and suffering. Here is God's alternative: "I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Your option is to choose God's plan and purpose. 

          

Changing with Confidence - Part 2

Without exception, we're all challenged to rethink decisions that were made with the greatest of confidence at an earlier stage in life. These decisions may have centered around a person we trusted and believed in. With the passage of time our confidence diminished, and nothing could overshadow the fact that significant change was required.

Reassessing earlier choices is necessary as we realize life isn't static, but dynamic and ever-changing. Given that truth, we're forced to evaluate where we're going with our lives. We not only have to reconsider the choices and possibilities that lie before us but weigh carefully the effects present decisions will have on our future.

Are you aware that major health issues can be related to stress created by refusing to make critical choices? Amos 6 refers to a complacent people who refused to make essential decisions to avert disaster. You can choose to trust God for help and direction to carry out the plans for change he has in store for you.