The Communication Bond

From infancy onward communication becomes the link for bonding with one’s parents, siblings, and significant others. The touch of a mother's hand, her soothing voice, and the way she responds when her baby cries communicate that love and acceptance are a priority. Communication is a major bonding force at every stage of life.

The toddler stage has been dubbed the "terrible two’s" because of defiance associated with the child’s first critical step toward independence. This struggle towards independence is aided by the ability to communicate with words like "no" and "mine". The toddler operates under the assumptions that "All I have is mine,” and “All you have is mine."

This mindset may continue into adulthood, which blocks the creative means for bonding. God communicated that, instead, we are to love others as we love ourselves, which is made possible by loving God with our total being.  Loving God this way creates a spirit of generosity that enhances bonding and communications.  

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Jesus said, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’ These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.”

~Matthew 22:37-40 The Message

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Out of a Critical Pit

“Why do I always get blamed for all of our problems and troubles?” Could that be your predicament? Or perhaps you’re the one blaming and criticizing. Either way, your relationship is destined for trouble. A creative step for freeing yourself from this type of communicating is to realize it’s a habit that can be broken.

Criticism is defended by insinuating incorrectly that it's beneficial. Accusations and criticism portray a person who feels threatened, but it takes honesty and integrity to admit this is true. Criticism is used to deflate another person's self-esteem, but hurling criticism damages one's own integrity and self-respect.

It's possible to move creatively beyond this type of relating by seeing others as being created in God's image and deserving kindness and respect. In Psalm 40 David gives his testimony: "The Lord God lifted me out of a slimy pit. He gave me a new song to sing." God will lift you out of that same pit if you ask him. Why not do it?  

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Love must be completely sincere. Hate what is evil, hold on to what is good. Love one another warmly as Christians, and be eager to show respect for one another.

~Romans 12:9-10 Good News Bible

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Curb Criticism with Creativity & Self-control

Effective communication requires more than spontaneously speaking your mind. Thinking through an issue and understanding what should be conveyed takes creativity. If an issue is sensitive and potentially conflictual, then planning what needs to be communicated is essential. The objective is to avoid a collapse in communications.

Everyone is capable of blaming and criticizing, but this form of interaction is destructive. It diminishes trust and respect. Realize that damage is inflicted on yourself as well as the other person by digressing to this level of relating. Conveying criticism and blame ultimately destroys the will to be emotionally connected. There is a better way to communicate.

It takes creativity and self-control to be kind and forgiving when all that's within, wants to criticize and blame. Creative thinking includes praying and petitioning God for insight that enables you to pursue what is helpful for the other person. Remember to “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  

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Trust in the Lord. Be kind and good to others; then you will live safely here in the land and prosper, feeding in safety. Be delighted with the Lord. Then he will give you all your heart’s desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him to help you do it and he will.

~Psalm 37:3-5 The Living Bible

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Resolve Conflict with Communications

Definitions of communications abound from simply talking together to describing a complex system of digital sounds and symbols. Failure to communicate is often based on assuming the sender and receiver are ready for information to be transmitted either verbally or nonverbally, but this is frequently a false assumption. 

 A primary cause for attempts to communicate digressing into criticism and blame is the presence of anger, jealousy, and fear. These are responsible for breakdowns in communication, for it's almost impossible to receive blame or criticism without reacting in a way that causes conflict to escalate. There is a better way.

God's word gives us a method for talking together that’s anchored in respect and care for the other person. "Make plans to do what is right not only in the eyes of the Lord, but also in the eyes of men." This is possible by seeking wisdom and understanding that can be provided only by the Lord God. Make this your primary desire and objective.  

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Patient persistence pierces through indifference; gentle speech breaks down rigid defenses.

~Proverbs 25:15 The Message

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Communication Builds a Bridge to Joy

Communication builds a bridge to happiness because it paves the way for resolving conflicts that every relationship experiences. Successful marriages are not conflict-free, but these couples have devised a system of communication that considers differences in personality, intelligence, and feelings without alienating one another. They have learned to honor their differences by acknowledging them as assets rather than liabilities. 

Providing unsolicited solutions for another person's problems, however, is usually a dead-end for communications. This approach provides an air of superiority that threatens the other’s self-esteem. At this level of communicating, the other person's ideas are not considered important.

Jesus was consistently aware of each individual’s needs. He often put aside his role as teacher, preacher, and healer to listen and address the concerns and needs of the people. Communication can build a bridge to enjoyment and fun as well as managing differences and conflicts. Effective communication transforms conflict into understanding and trust. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do good.”  

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Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach; good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest.

~Proverbs 18:20 The Message   

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An Open Door to Communication

Lack of constructive communication is the leading cause of conflict in relationships. What this implies is that inappropriate, ineffective, or disjointed communication provokes conflict. A primary level of communication gives instructions, teaches, and directs questions. This level of communication is helpful for all relationships.

Conflict is provoked by incompatibilities resulting in emotional and communication break-down. Efforts to communicate can be postponed until emotions are back to normal or else alienation may follow suit. Effective communication requires understanding issues as well as each person’s growing needs.

Getting to know another person opens the door for communications. Jesus devoted time to talking  to his disciples. He listened intently so he could know them and help them express their thoughts and feelings. This model also helps manage and resolve conflicts. Jesus said, “You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free.”  

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If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.

~1 Corinthians 13:1 The Message

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To Communicate, Eliminate Distractions

It's true that all people communicate both verbally and non-verbally, which may be either helpful and appropriate or discouraging and confusing. In the marriage relationship complaints abound of too little communication, and what does exist is restricted to addressing conflicts and other problems.

Distractions prevent important issues from being addressed, leaving a relationship stranded in emotional distance, which then contributes to effective communication becoming nonexistent. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another speaking the truth in a spirit of  love so that you may grow in ways Christ Jesus intended. The best communication takes place when each person is engaged and willing to participate rather than be distracted.

Loving communication is empowered by turning off all distractions, including cell phones. God intends that we communicate in order that love for one another will remain strong and enduring. So remember, “The right word spoken at the right time is like precious gold set in silver.”   

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Wise conversation is way over the head of fools; in a serious discussion they haven’t a clue.

~Proverbs 24:7 The Message

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Please Understand

To be understood is both a desire and a need that exists throughout life. Essential to being understood is the ability to communicate what you think, feel, and need. Listening attentively for understanding indicates others are important. There are several levels of communication, with each contributing to the need to be understood.

The first level involves discussing nonessentials like chatting about the weather, going shopping, or how children are doing, but this level can be an avenue for connecting emotionally and discussing other important issues. People tend to get stuck at this level, preventing deeper underlying issues from being discussed and resolved.

It takes time and emotional energy to relate your thoughts and feelings, but then others can understand who you are and what you need. God knows and understands you better than you know yourself and still loves you with an unfailing love. As you trust the Lord God with your fragile self, trusting others will become possible. 

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A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

~Proverbs 18:2 English Standard Version

Even before I speak, [Lord], you already know what I will say.

~Psalm 139:4 Good News Bible

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Communication: A Bridge to Understanding

By the time an infant is 18 months old, he or she has begun to utter words that indicate they are in fact learning to communicate. Parents and siblings teach and encourage infants and toddlers their language development. By the age of five a child has basically learned to communicate effectively and in so doing gets most of his or her needs met.

Learning to communicate continues for life and becomes the means for happiness and contentment. Good communication builds a bridge for understanding oneself and others. When children see the world as safe and accepting, healthy self-confidence is established, a necessity for effective communication. 

Our expectations and intelligence are crucial for conveying conviction to what is communicated. The Lord God has given us this magnificent system of communicating to magnify our happiness and well-being. Communion with God is amplified as we offer him praise and thanksgiving for wonderful things he provides.  

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May my spoken words and unspoken thoughts be acceptable to even you, O Lord my Rock and Redeemer.  

~Psalm 19:14 The Living Bible

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Communication Essentials

Communication is the key to successful relationships, for it is the baseline of the way a relationship evolves and the degree of happiness that is experienced. Communication involves more than speaking words which must be accepted and interpreted. Successful communication must make sense to both the sender and the receiver.

Human beings communicate in a variety of ways. If I place my hand on the shoulder of the one to whom I'm speaking, that gesture could suggest an array of messages. That gesture and other non-verbal messages affect what is verbally communicated. Our eyes communicate as much as the spoken words. A smile or a frown speaks louder than words.

Adam and Eve were given language so they could understand and accept each other’s need for intimacy and closeness. God knew it would be the key factor in nurturing each other and necessary for resolving conflict. Communication is essential for fellowship with the Lord God our Creator, for he is always interested in what we have to say.  

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Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, nor cut them out.  

~Colossians 4:6 The Message

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Don't "Push the Envelope" of Your Life

The Biblical story of Samson portrays him as fun-loving and driven by passions that revealed a self-absorbed personality. He was possessed by amazing physical strength, and he used it to compliment his passions. He was obsessed with women who were out-of-bounds for him as a man of God.

Although God gave Samson a lifetime profession, he apparently became bored and would go looking for excitement and challenge with people who were enemies. He chose to cohabitate with Delilah, believing he was above God’s social, moral, and spiritual laws.

After pushing the envelope to the limit, it appeared he would die in disgrace as a blind slave. However God answered his prayers and gave him hope that he could die for something worthwhile: a purpose God would honor. He hoped by dying, he could avenge himself of living merely to satisfy his passions. Samson died believing his hope in the Lord God would mean deliverance from the penalty of having lived a raucous, rebellious life.  

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O Lord, your discipline is good and leads to life and health. Oh, heal me and make me live! Yes, now I see it all – it was good for me to undergo this bitterness, for you have lovingly delivered me from death; you have forgiven all my sins.

~Isaiah 38:16-17 The Living Bible

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Discovering God's Purpose

Devising plans for achieving an objective depends on an underlying purpose that motivates the drive to succeed. Purpose creates and sustains momentum for success. A job may become boring, but a purpose such as supporting a family or planning for retirement provides enthusiasm for showing up each day.

Parents are well aware that children approach their schoolwork and chores at home with a relatively good attitude when they believe there is a purpose worthy of their efforts and energies. The rewards for doing well are essentially connected to long-term objectives, but acknowledging God's purpose for your life provides contentment and peace.

Samson found a purpose worth dying for at the very end of his life. He believed that this purpose was from God himself. It was perhaps consoling to realize God was working out his plan and purpose for him, as he is working out his purpose for you. "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."  

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The Lord will complete what his purpose is for me. Lord, your gracious love is eternal; do not abandon your personal work in me.

~Psalm 138:8 International Standard Version

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