Productivity vs. Boredom: Sowing and Reaping - Part 3

Popular books have been written about mid-life, that space between thirty-five and fifty-something. One author described this phase of life as an emotional resurgence of adolescence when the need to break away or separate from what is familiar resurfaces. In the worst case everything familiar, including career, family, and God, becomes the enemy.

What drives this painful life-changer? One explanation is the tendency to become so obsessed with a career or family that little time exists to nurture your-  self or a spouse. In some instances, a restrained loneliness forms that can't be contained beneath a facade of busyness. Feeling empty in spite of all the outer trappings of success has to be a consideration.

What's to be done? Choose to face down the crisis. God will not forsake you even if life seems hopeless. Give Christ Jesus time to heal you, to change your thoughts, and forgive you. Ask God to give you a new vision and purpose for your life. Connections with family and God can be restored. This is a choice you can make.  

Productivity vs. Boredom: Sowing and Reaping - Part 2

When people hit mid-life, that period of life say from thirty-five to fifty, daily routines tend to dominate one's waking hours. Perhaps some relief comes by going to church, seeing friends there, and engaging in Bible study and worship with these friends. Even these gratifying choices may lose their luster and be relegated to just another routine.

I agree that marriage, parenting, and work require routines, but God created us for change. He intends for us to push out the boundaries of our knowledge as well as our wisdom. When you cease to test these boundaries, you're in danger of being vulnerable to stagnation or self-absorption, which is indicative of potential isolation and loneliness.

Asking God for insight on how to modify your routines is asking for change. Contributing to the next generation's wisdom for living in an insecure world can be your motive. Proverbs 11:24 offers hope and a warning: "One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds and comes to poverty." Choosing to be a blessing to others pleases God.  

Productivity vs. Boredom: Sowing and Reaping - Part 1

Young children are capable of demonstrating personal power. I know you've observed children compete over significant issues like who's going to ride in the front seat. Personal power issues persist throughout life in one form or another. All too often, personal power is used to control others for the purpose of self-gain or self-indulgence.

Self-indulgence leads to self-absorption and greed and eventually trying to control others. A truth worthy of accepting is that human beings were not designed to be controlled. Those who try are usually met with passive or aggressive resistance. God in his mercy, kindness, and grace does not choose to control us, but permits us to chose how we live our lives.

We can use our personal power to give blessings to others. St. Paul told the Corinthians, "Remember, whoever sows sparingly will reap sparingly. Whoever sows generously will reap generously." Don't be hesitant to give what you learned to those coming up behind you, even if it requires sacrifice. God will richly bless you.  

Treasure Hunting - Part 3

The journey toward mid-life is often approached with resistance or even denial. Someone observed that as a generation grows older an important issue all must face is what to do with the wisdom and knowledge gained during the past decades of adult life. How you deal with this issue speaks loud and clear in defining the kind of person you are in particular.

All your life you may have been generous with what you possess as a result of the gifts and talents God gave you. It includes the practical, emotional, and intellectual skills you used to subdue the challenges God placed before you. As you come to this stage of life, the challenge is to pass on to the next generation what was given to you.

Productive change includes standing up for the godly influence you can be on those around you. It's giving something that money can't buy and receiving the promise of 2 Corinthians 9:8: "And God is able to make all grace abound in you, so that in all things, at all times you will abound in every good work." May God's grace always be evident in you.

Treasure Hunting - Part 2

Glen and Mary built a life around his profession. While he worked, she did  everything to be supportive. She made sure the children looked good and performed well. She managed homework and school projects to ensure good grades to keep their father happy. Glen seldom made it home before the children's bedtime. Weekends meant relaxation to refuel himself for work. 

          This seems like an exaggerated account of family life and pushing self-absorption to the extreme, but this was the self-deception that pervaded both Mary and Glen's lives. Glen justified his life style: "I work long hours to ensure Mary and the children of a good life." "Someday we will have time to be together," was Mary's rationalization.

          Change involves examination of attitudes and values. Be honest about your commitments. Jesus said, "Where your treasure is, therein resides the desires of your heart." You pass on to your children your treasures regardless of their eternal value. It may be late, but you can change. Be sure God occupies first place in your life so you can pass that on.  

Treasure Hunting - Part 1

As I was having lunch, it was easy to hear the conversation next to me because the tables were close together. One man asked another, "What really matters to you?" He was challenging this person to face whatever had pushed him into becoming so self-absorbed that he was immune to what was eternal. Did the man care for anything other than himself?

Self-deception evolves into self-absorption, which is the ultimate in self-betrayal, because it leads to impoverishment of the self and soul. To betray oneself is to become so obsessed with laying up treasures here on earth, there is no time or energy to care for your own soul or the souls of others who love and care for you.

Productive change means altering your attitude about what's important. Jesus questions each of us. "What reward is there in winning the world only to lose your soul?" A better way is to turn from self-absorption and begin laying up treasures in heaven, which means to care for the souls of others. Jesus helps you reach this objective as it becomes your commitment.  

Uncertainty to Assurance: Giving and Gaining - Part 3

By the time most adults hit their mid-thirties, the realities of life have begun to sink in. Most often we used self-deception to keep these realities at bay. We do this to avoid the normal pain each of us must face just for living. One reality that hits hard is that we all make mistakes. These mistakes can be costly, not only physically or financially, but emotionally.

The consequence for making mistakes is often embarrassment. Anger is a common response that tries to hide grief and sorrow. So many people think their big mistake was in their choice of a career or spouse. Instead of facing mistakes, we frequently use a form of self-deception by believing, "Someday my life will change, things will get better."

Choose to change by giving up self-deception. While mistakes are common, they can produce positive good. Be honest. How is this person or job beneficial, even a blessing? God is in the business of giving you hope, a change of heart, and a new spirit. Be open to what God can provide.  

Uncertainty to Assurance: Giving and Gaining - Part 2

The majority of young adults hit the streets of life with determination to be successful and make it to the top of their career field. It is God's desire that we reach our full potential. However becoming self-absorbed with success may result in losing perspective on the purpose of life God designed especially for you.

When a wealthy young man asked Jesus what he had to do to receive eternal life, he wasn't prepared for the answer. "Sell all you have and give the money to the poor, and you will have riches in heaven; then come and follow me." Jesus wants you to care enough to pass on to others in whatever way he directs the knowledge, wisdom, and skills you've acquired.

Jesus said in Luke 18:27, "What is impossible with man is possible with God." Mother Teresa of India defined for all people what it means to care enough, to sacrifice enough, so that others could share in God's bounty. Her life is a contemporary example on how to avoid self-absorption and stagnation. It's a worthy, godly choice.  

Uncertainty to Assurance: Giving and Gaining - Part 1

The account of the rich ruler in Luke 18 is important for all people regardless of wealth, power, or position. Possessions were not enough to provide lasting fulfillment. This man was seeking assurance that success and wealth could not generate. He realized that success was not enough to sustain indefinitely a sense of joy and peace.  

          This individual was standing at a crossroad in need of change. He looked to Jesus for direction. When Jesus told him to give away all he possessed to the poor and follow him, he became very sad because that was a choice he refused to make. He failed to understand that all his talents and gifts, his wealth and power came from God.

          Your hope for eternal life and immortality comes from what you can give away, primarily giving your life to Christ Jesus, then following him. God intended for you to give to the next generation and to others your knowledge and wisdom, your love and faith that were God's gifts to you. Jesus said this was laying up treasures and wealth in heaven.  

Choosing a New Perspective - Part 3

Losing perspective on the purpose and direction of one's life often happens during what is known as mid-life. The majority of individuals have skills that will sustain them throughout adulthood to insure productivity until retirement, but there are phases of life when the future may seem uncertain. This uncertainty and doubt may create anxiety or even depression.

Moving into mid-life sometimes means experiencing an identity crisis often associated with the loss of youthful looks and energy. Healthy change may mean obtaining a new perspective on what to do with the skills, knowledge, and wisdom - both learned and given by God's grace and kindness. Most everyone realizes that hoarding these treasures is unrewarding and unfulfilling.

Luke 18:18 relates a story about a man of position and prestige who came to Jesus concerned about his immortality and asked how to be assured of eternal life. The choice Jesus gave him was to give away what is transient and follow him. He would then have peace and assurance. Jesus does not ask us to do what is impossible, but what promises abundant life.  

Choosing a New Perspective - Part 2

We're living in a time of rapid change. The development of technologies and world-wide cultural changes make it impossible to stay abreast of even simple advances. Yet what is new soon becomes old and so we await news of what's coming next. This might make you consider Solomon's declaration that "there is nothing new under the sun."

It's apparent that we must change as each stage of life confronts us. Our youthful appearance gives way as we mature in age. Our physical endurance diminishes with advanced years. The common wisdom of our day warns us, "Use it or lose it," which includes the mind's eager willingness to learn and the body's muscles that tend to atrophy with neglect.

Cooperating with change is healthier than denying its intrusion into your life. Begin by taking stock of what's needed to put your house in order and then do it. Jesus said, "I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in and fellowship with you." Change in partnership with Jesus can be exciting and joyful.  

Choosing a New Perspective - Part 1

Being chosen to be the love of someone's life is a wonderful experience, provided the feelings are mutual. Staying in love for a lifetime is the intention of most couples. Hardships come, but usually there is a balance of joy and sorrows that most marriages can tolerate. Troubles provide opportunities to develop a deeper closeness and sustaining partnership.

Choosing isolation is not easily reversed, but with God's help and determination, change is possible. I observed a couple challenge a long-standing stalemate by being honest with each other. The alternative would have been a relationship of detached co-existence and never getting to know each other.

Choosing intimacy over isolation is choosing to live within God's design for communications that reveals your needs, your feelings and who you've become. God will empower you to live within his design as you commit to taking this step toward honesty. Jesus said, "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free." God can heal a relationship when we're honest with him and others.  

Stubborn Honesty or Stubborn Pride? - Part 3

Stubbornness can be an asset when it keeps a person in pursuit of worthy goals. Determination to succeed is most often needed when choosing to make worthy changes. Stubborn pride on the other hand, can be a detrement to love and intimacy. Stubbornness is closely related to fear of change, which requires trusting yourself into the care of another person.

Stubbornness is a reason for communication's breakdown with others or even with God, and the consequences can be severe. Leviticus 26:14 sends this  warning from God. "If you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break your stubborn pride. Your strength will be spent in vain."

But there's a better way, so choose to change by repenting and turning from stubborn pride to prevent awful consequences from coming down on you. The opposite of stubbornness is flexibility that begins by trusting yourself into the care of the Lord Jesus Christ. Discard false security which prevents you from experiencing the love, joy, and true security that God gives.  

Stubborn Honesty or Stubborn Pride? - Part 2

Change often doesn't come easy, even when it's for a godly purpose. When change requires making adjustments for ways to function in relationships, there seems to be a particularly stiff resistance. Stubbornness, to some extent, can work for your good but often serves as a detriment to happiness.

Stubbornness is most often perceived as being inflexible, but intimacy requires flexibility that's essential to feeling acceptable and loved. Stubbornness is designed to get your way and is therefore a controlling device, but it may isolate you from those who love you. Stubbornness even makes it difficult to hear God's voice because hearing God's voice will require you to make changes.

The Lord God in Psalm 81 has this to say. "But my people would not listen to me, nor submit to me. So I gave them over to their stubborn hearts to follow their own devices." Choosing to change begins by recognizing your stubborn heart. Letting it go can be the loving and accepting decision that opens the door for you to experience the true intimacy God intended.  

Stubborn Honesty or Stubborn Pride? - Part 1

Finding a companion for marriage that lasts a lifetime is an endeavor that begins in late adolescence because God created us for attachment, commitment, and compatibility. Without compatibility, a rift develops that keeps closeness and intimacy in the shadows while creating an atmosphere for continuous power struggles. Intimacy based on trust and acceptance is out of step with power struggles.

Pretending to accept what is incompatible with your values is dishonesty and a refusal to face the truth. Honesty has the courage to verbalize your real self to others. Don't pretend to go along with behaviors just to get others to accept you. Dishonesty will come back to haunt you in the form of power struggles and possible abandonment.

Choosing honesty by disclosing what you know to be your authentic self is what God intends. You can trust God's word for help from Psalm 18:32. "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Believe me, God will make a way and a perfect time for you to express who you are. Honesty makes way for genuine intimacy and peace.

Intimacy: The Power of Trust - Part 3

Martin Luther, the Catholic monk who pioneered the Protestant Reformation in the sixteenth century, told a group of young men whom he was mentoring not to consider marriage until they were at least thirty years of age. He believed it took this long for most men to mature enough to be for their wife and children something other than just the provider of their basic needs.

The more secure and settled a person's identity, the less likely power struggles will dominate a marriage relationship. Power struggles exist where one or both of the marriage partners feel diminished emotionally, intellectually, or physically. Where power struggles are present, the less intimacy, honesty, and closeness there will be in a marriage.

Power struggles are about striving for dominance over another person. Choosing to let go of control is choosing to trust, rather than to dominate. God's plan is for us to trust him rather than him forcing us to conform to his ways. Making choices for positive change means letting go of power struggles and becoming submissive to God and each other.  

Intimacy: The Power of Trust - Part 2

Most adults by their late twenties have found an acceptable person of the opposite sex to marry. We need to be close - to be emotionally, spiritually, and physically attached. Emotional isolation is unnatural and not what God intended, but happens when hurt and angry feelings are mishandled and where healthy communication is absent.

Emotional isolation supplants or replaces intimacy and close attachments if fear of rejection has a strong history. Coupled with fear of rejection is a reluctance to trust others or oneself. Fear of rejection tied with the inability to trust blocks healthy intimacy from taking place. Fear of rejection often originates with distant or absent parents.

Choosing to love and be loved must be grounded in knowing you are lovable. God loves and accepts you as you are, with all your fears, doubts, and lack of trust. God's desire is to transform you into a person capable of intimacy and loving attachments. In Psalm 51, David asked God to "renew a right spirit" within him. Will you do that?  

Intimacy: The Power of Trust - Part 1

Most everyone leaves the safety and security of their parents' home by their late twenties. Adults of this age are faced with a difficult but common truth. "Life is not simple, nor completely predictable." Surprisingly, they accept that the world wasn't created just for their pleasure, yet they can choose to make life meaningful and purposeful.

Choosing to change is done by making a transition from a self-sufficiency mind-set to creating a partnership with a trusted intimate other. It's possible for a couple to have been married five to ten years, but have yet to establish an intimate partnership. Many obstacles can stand in the way, including parents, friends, a career, children, or even the church.

Choosing to change should begin by realizing that marriage links together two people capable of being best friends and ready to establish true intimacy. Love, trust, and respect form the foundation for intimacy that can survive the troubles inherent in every marriage. What seems to be impossible is possible for God when you, in faith and hope, turn to him for help.

Harmony at Home and Work - Part 3

Even in the most secure relationships it's possible to get your feelings hurt. This happens as attempts are made to reveal your true self. Hope relies on being known and accepted for who you are. Hope helps us to be vulnerable enough so another person can share the real person beneath the surface. Without hope, the true self stays undisclosed and isolated.

Intimate couples do hurt each other's feelings, but hurt feelings can be worked out with communication and forgiveness. Communication is more than discussing an issue. It includes a willingness to understand each other's strengths and weaknesses and to be protective of each other's vulnerabilities. When hurt feelings are given over to forgiveness, intimacy is strengthened.

Intimacy includes a willingness to communicate true beliefs and attitudes. This lays the groundwork for trust and respect to find a foothold. God honors truth and openness. Listen to  Psalm 56:11. "Teach me, Lord, what you want me to do and I will obey you faithfully." God never fails to act when we ask with an undivided heart.  

Harmony at Home and Work - Part 2

Most men and women begin a serious search for a life-long companion somewhere in their twenties. Finding the person of your dreams opens the gateway to knowing what it means to merge your life with someone you love. Intimacy occurs by getting to know and accept each other during the years you share together.

A difficult issue couples face is how to deal with hurt feelings caused by differences in each other's character and emotional makeup. Growing together is encouraged by realizing that differences in personalities can actually strengthen the bonds that bind a couple together. Someone noted, however, that we aren't very graceful about the failure to get our needs met.

It's impossible for another person to meet all your needs. Instead of letting frustration contaminate your relationship, accept your mate as you want to be accepted. God loves each of you with all your flaws. Trusting God to meet and satisfy your deeper needs that no other can meet is moving toward making choices for positive, godly change.

Harmony at Home and Work - Part 1

In our culture men and women in their twenties jump on a fast track that hopefully secures their place within a career field. To maintain a competitive edge, self-confidence and competence is a necessity. A paradox is that choosing a career as the solitary pathway to happiness with a commitment to do so often generates a disconnect from intimate others.

Inaugurating change includes honestly assessing your priorities. A job is important, for it contributes significantly to structuring your identity. However when elevated to the position of highest priority, a career may create distance from loved ones. Establishing a healthy balance demands a thorough examination of workplace expectations and personal values.

God intended for you to find meaning and purpose in work. He also designed you for relationships, for here you receive the physical, emotional, and spiritual nurturing that brings contentment. When your identity is anchored to Christ Jesus, continuous harmony between a career and intimate relationships can flow with confidence.  

Allowing Intimacy: Getting Close - Part 3

An early pioneer in the field of psychology observed two basic entities known as the pain and pleasure principle. I'm sure you would agree that most people try to avoid pain, and when it's felt, an all-out effort is exerted to find relief. Too much emotional pain caused by a significant other can lead to despair and often finds relief by creating distance.

What causes a couple to gravitate toward pain and despair? Differences in personalities, beliefs, and positions taken on issues are fertile grounds for hurt feelings, conflict, and misunderstanding. Ideally, pain caused by personal differences could lead to deeper closeness and intimacy when communication leads to understanding and is honored and accepted.

Positive change is possible when pain is viewed as a friendly messenger. Pain becomes the gateway to wisdom if permitted to do so. Job 6:25 proclaims: "How painful are honest words." If you can trust your inward pain to a loved one who hears and understands, a door opens to a deeper, more pleasurable intimate relationship.  

Allowing Intimacy: Getting Close - Part 2

Recently an elderly woman edging near despair made a startling statement. "I realize my whole life has been a sham!" She never intended to be deceptive, but now in the autumn of her years she's had no friends. Explaining further, she told of never permitting anyone get close. She had spent her whole life keeping others at a distance.

God created the family for each other. In his design, family members relate to one another with love, trust, and respect. This framework makes way for openness and honesty. This is not easy to accomplish, for it takes commitment, but the rewards far outweigh the loneliness and isolation of a life locked away from others and God.

No matter what your age, change is possible and can begin by taking a small step of faith to alter the way you live. The Lord Jesus Christ stands ready to help. Listen to Psalm 118:5-6. "In my anguish, I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me by setting me free. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid." May God bless you today.

Allowing Intimacy: Getting Close - Part 1

During adolescence, an inner yearning begins to evolve to meet and be accepted by a special member of the opposite sex. Do you remember your first love as a teenager? I realize the majority of adolescent love affairs do not endure the trials and tests of those years. The reason for most failed marriages of adolescents is the absence of a solid identity.

Intimacy depends on honesty and truthfulness. It relies on having enough self-confidence to be transparent so a significant other can know you for the person you are - warts and all. Failure to be truthful is indicative of deception that ultimately isolates you by fostering loneliness and preventing the closeness God intended.

Making choices for positive change includes trusting God, others, and yourself enough to begin opening up to what's on the inside of you. Being honest opens the door for a new person in Christ Jesus to emerge. The pathway to change can spring from accepting who you really are because that person is who God sees and loves.  

Identity Formation: Who Am I? - Part 3

With children, pretend is a wonderful game. Pretend is a natural escape into fantasy that not only aids in the passing of time, but is necessary for the development of healthy emotional growth. St. Paul  points out the validity of this natural development: "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned as a child."

Unfortunately for some, pretend serves as a springboard for self-deception that endures beyond childhood. Self-deception can evolve into deceptive behavior designed to control and get what you want. Deceptive practices lead to flawed judgment that end with painful consequence. There are things worse than failure, and compromise with evil is one of them.

Listen to these wise words: "The choices you make dictate the life you lead." Making choices that change your life begins by replacing deception with God's truth. Deciding to forsake deception and face the truth isn't easy, but possible. God's word promises that when the truth is faced and accepted, you are then free.  

Identity Formation: Who Am I? - Part 2

God created order for all of life to follow. We as humans are first infants, then children, teenagers, and finally go on to adulthood. Adolescence is devoted to establishing an identity that expands for the rest of life. The more correct and true our identity foundation, the better our chances for building long-lasting, intimate relationships.

The more uncertainty about our identity, the more difficult it is to establish solid attachments. Where shallow attachment exists, there is a lack of closeness with another person. Healthy intimacy portrays a mutual balance in giving to and receiving from an intimate other. God's desire for us is to be dependent on him, not only for our identity, but for our belonging  and purpose.

Confessing to God who and what you are is scary, but necessary for changing and strengthening your sense of identity. Confession implies openness and vulnerability. Proverbs 28:13 offers these encouraging words, "Whoever confesses finds mercy." This is my hope and prayer for you.

Identity Formation: Who Am I? - Part 1

Identity formation is essential to every young person because it launches a direction for life. Every teenager identifies with what gives him or her a sense of self-certainty. Adolescents need to belong, and this is the appeal of youth gangs. Identifying with what seems strong and powerful helps overcome underlying self-doubt and uncertainty.

Jesus said to his disciples, "Follow me and I'll make you fishers of men." He promised to give them a positive identity and a healthy purpose. They would belong to a group where positive change takes place with confidence. Self-certainty comes in knowing you belong to Christ Jesus which helps resolve identity conflicts and crises.

With Christ Jesus change is possible regardless of past choices. Peter failed Jesus when the pressures of life overcame him, but Jesus  forgave and cleansed him from all his failures. He will restore you to fellowship as you confess and repent. New choices underscored by a clear sense of identity and purpose are available.